Sex, Drugs, and Munkustrap
by skitternimble
Summary: Munkustrap had a past with serious drugs,  and I ain't talk'in catnip!  This is the story of what he was like before he became the jellicle protector, the downward spiral he went on, and the queen he dragged down with him. Munkus/OC Please R&R!
1. Opening

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Hey people, so what I'm planning on doing, is posting the endings to my first two stories, and then I'm gonna keep going with this one and my others. **

**Warnings: This story contains hard drugs, suggestive themes, violence, death, prostitution, abortion, and even some religious stuff. Enjoy!**

**P.S. tell me what you think of this idea!**

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><p>A ray of sunlight hit Munkustrap's face and he slowly opened his eyes, unsure of where he was. He had no idea of what he had done the night before, but he was pretty sure it was fun. He groggily started looking around and soon realized he was on the floor next to his bed, although he didn't remember how he had gotten there. "Wow... I must have had a few drinks last night," he slured, before he realized he had a searing headache. He groaned and slowly started to get up. Not wanting to fall down, he tried using the edge of his bed to pull himself up, collapsing onto his mattress. <em>"Nice, I can just sleep this off,"<em> he thought to himself, nuzzling his face into his pillow.

But as he was about to fall asleep, a pounding from somewhere started and he sat up angrilly, gripping his head.

"Munkus, you have choir practice, be ready to leave in half an hour," called his dad, from the other side of the door.

Munkus groaned very loudly so his dad heard him, trying to make sure knew that he was unhappy with that.

"Munkus, you know how important this is, now I want you to be out of this room in twenty minutes or else," he said, sternly.

"Dad, you know I don't care about choir, I'm not going," said Munks, resentfully.

"You'll go and you'll do a good job, now get up and get ready or I'm coming in there," threatened his father.

"Old D, go to hell, I don't have to take orders from you!" he said, determinedly laying back down to get some shut eye.

Old Deuteronomy was enraged that his son had talked to him this way, although it was unfortunate that he had come to expect it, it still made him sad and angry. He made a fist to bang on the door again, but then hesitated, realizing it wouldn't do any good. Slowly he pulled himself away from the door, clenching his teeth angrilly as he walked through the den and out the door.

He sat down on a tire in his yard and watched his younger son, Tugger, playing with his friends Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. It always cheered him up to sit on this tire and watch his younger son play, even if it was just a temporary escape from dealing with Munk.

Other Jellicles walked on by, waving to Old D but then turning away when they saw the look on his face, realizing it was his son again. Old D lost track of time watching Tugger playing, wishing Munk was a twelve year old kit again. But Munk really had started to go bad young, when he was thirteen he saw other cats smoking, and so he learned to follow them, or a human who was smoking, around to wait and pick up the butt afterwards. At fifteen, he had lost his virginity and they thought he would have to become mates with the queen. At sixteen he had started drinking, and at seventeen he had gotten into catnip.

Old D looked down at the ground while he thought about it, because really, catnip wasn't really bad for most cats. But for their family, it was a lot stronger and quite addictive, and always turned out to be a gateway drug, which was why Old Deuteronomy feared for his son.

He sat there until mid afternood, just watching his younger son playing, which helped bring him out of his bad mood. As he stood up, he looked one more time at Tugger, praying to the Everlasting Cat that he wouldn't get into the things Munkus was into.

He waved to Tugger and smiled, watching as the clumsy kit with the oversized mane tripped over his own tail trying to catch his friend.

"Be home for dinner sport," he called, his son waving back with a big grin on his face.

Seeing Tugger playing with his friends put Old D in a much better mood, and he walked back to his den with a grin on his face. He was humming by the time he got inside, in a mood happy for no reason really, walking into his den with a slight swing to his step.

But all the pep seemed to fade as soon as he walked into the hall and noticed a note taped to the wall. He felt his heart sink as he starred at the note for a moment, dreading whatever it said. Slowly, he reached up and pulled it off the wall. Written on it, was only one sentence:

**I'll be back tonight, late. Munkus.**

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><p><strong>Sorry the first chapter is a little tame, but I had trouble figuring out how to set this up.<strong>


	2. Human Stuff

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warning: explicit drug use in this chapter!**

**Note: I wanted this chapter to be realistic, so I interviewed a recoverd addict on how you use a crack pipe properly, so remember all the trouble I go to for you! **

**And please, tell me what you think!**

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><p>Munkustrap had climbed out his window and was walking through the junkyard, glad to have gotten away from the den without getting caught. He still had a bit of a hangover, but he didn't care, he was ready for more of whatever had happened the night before. It was about mid-afternoon, still plenty of daylight left, although that didn't matter, since he didn't really care when he got home.<p>

As he walked along, he considered where he should go. His head hurt, and he wanted something to help him relax, but then he remembered his special stash. He needed to think about this, so he sat down behind an overturned fridge where nobody could see him. _"It took me a while to get this stuff, and I'm not looking forward to having to go to all that trouble again... hell I might as well use it now, after dealing with that fat bastard this morning I really need it."_ He leaned back agains't the fridge and thought for a moment, remembering where his stash was. Once he remembered he checked around the fridge to make sure nobody saw him, and he slid out of his hiding place to head for the clearing.

_"I was an idiot for hiding it in the clearing, I hope no one else is around." _

He stayed low as he made his way toward the clearing, going from one hiding spot to the next as jellicles would come and go. He had to stay hidden, he couldn't have them find out he had human drugs hidden in the yard, they would skin him alive. It was tough sneaking around because it was so easy to just knock something over, but he was determined to get to his stash so that he wouldn't have to feel so hung over. As he made it to the clearing, he had to duck behind a dishwasher to wait for some young kits to leave, and once they were gone he was finally alone. He crept out from behind the dishwasher and looked back and fourth as he scurried over to the TSE-1. He got behind it so he wouldn't be seen as he reached under it and felt around for the bag. As he was searching he thought he heard someone coming, but as he looked around there was nobody and suddenly his paw ran across the bag taped to the underside of the car. He breathed a sigh of relief and pulled the bag out from under the vehicle and held it close to his body protectively.

Clutching his prize, he snuck out of the clearing and went to an area with mountains of tires all stacked up, this was the place he and his friends went to get loaded. It was the perfect spot, really, nice and isolated, the tires stacked high up so that they gave them plenty of shade.

The place was empty though, not a soul around, _"they must still be recovering from last night's escapades,"_ he mused, peering inside the paper bag. He had had to break into a human home to steal jewelry, which he then sold to his older brother Macavity, and then almost got arrested by a police dog in downtown London to get this, but he was pleased and knew it would last him a while. As he was about to reach into the bag to pull out the plastic pouch, he jumped at the sound of a cat landing behind him.

"You gots some good nip, Straps?" said a young Asparagus Jr, half laughing at the sight of Munkustrap so tense.

Munks let out a breath and clutched his throat as he turned around and faced his friend, obviously spooked. For a moment he looked resentfully at his friend, but then straightened up and chuckled, confusing his friend slightly. "I got better than that, check this out," and with that he pulled the plastic bag out of the paper, revealing a bag of rock cocaine.

His friend's eyes went wide and he started to clench up and he backed up a few feet, completely shocked. "Straps, where'd you get that?"

"I ain't telling, now are you gonna want a hit, because you know I share."

"I've never done human stuff before... I'll think about it."

Munk didn't have time for this kittenish nonsense, since they could get caught and he didn't want to wait while his stupid friend thought.

"Come on, just watch me and then you'll take a hit, alright?"

Asparagus Jr starred at him for a another moment and timidly nodded, so Munk walked over to an overturned tire and pulled out a homemade crack pipe and a lighter.

He looked around for a good place to sit down and walked over to a corner and leaned back again't a stack of tires, placing the pipe and bag of rock in his lap. Asparagus Jr made a face and cautiously approached him, still unsure.

Munk snickered at his friend's fear and opened the bag of rock and gently broke off a small piece. He very ceremoniously placed it on top of the pipe screen, excited about finally using what he had worked so hard to get. He picked up the pipe and held the end you draw from close to his lips but then turned to his friend and said, "now watch me, you're playing with the big cats now."

He turned on the lighter and raised the end of the pipe with the screen and held the flame up to the crack, and they both heard it sizzling. Munk then put the end in his mouth and slowly puffed from it, lowering the screen end slowly as he did. The smoke could be seen going through the clear glass pipe and it came out of Munk's nose and mouth, slowly rising, the scent thick and soffocating. The end he drew from was getting hot, his hands were getting hot from holding up the end with the rock but he kept going. After another puff he lit the lighter again and held it once more to the rock and it sizzled again as Munk drew one last hit of it and then handed it to Asparagus Jr.

Asparagus looked worriedly at his friend and then took the lighter and tried to copy what Munk had done, although a lot more clumsily. The pipe was so hot it burned his hands as he tried to hold it up to take a hit, and he chocked on the smoke. Munk looked at him strangely as did this, his hands starting to shake.

Munk felt like he just couldn't keep still, his heart was pounding in his chest and he felt a rush of energy like nothing he had ever had before. He wanted to conquer worlds, he wanted to jump over the moon, he could do anything. Asparagus looked sick, but Munkustrap laughed crazedly, the sight of his friend seeming more funny now than it normally would have. Munk slowly got up, staggering as his perceptions were off, and he felt aware of everything at once. Every little sound, the birds flying overhead, the cars going by outside the 'yard, the Jellicles back in the clearing. He started breathing fast as he felt like he was on top of the world, as he looked around from his altered state the mental and physical rush of it all had him. Everything was moving in slow motion and he started to tremur and thought he was going faster than time

Asparagus Jr started to shake all over, dropped the pipe and tried to scuttle away, but collapsed by Munkustrap and started to vomit. Munk watched as he threw up and laughed, he thought it was the funniest thing he had ever seen in his life. His hands still shaking, he helped his friend to his feet, "Wow... this is..." he couldn't describe the excitement of it all. But Asparagus Jr just looked back and fourth, a sense of dizziness overcoming him. "Munk, stop spinning, for Bast's sake stop spinning!" he yelled, the surroundings jumping around and spinning fast around him. He started to pant and hung onto Munkustrap desperately, and Munkustrap started lauging again like a mad man, but he eventually got tired of his friend hanging off of him and he punched him as hard as he could. Asparagus staggered and held his eye as he backed up into a stack of tires. Munk watched with a sense of power as his friend slowly fell to his knees and sank to the ground and laid down in the dirt. He started talking random nonsense but Asparagus just laid there gripping his knees and grinding his teeth, although Munk didn't notice.

After a while, the rush seemed to fade away, and Munk needed another hit. Asparagus was still on the ground, trembling as the strongest affects wore off. Munk thought it funny that his friend was so pathetic, that he didn't enjoy the rush and the feeling of being alive. He shook his head sorrowfully for him as he watched him laying in the dirt, as he took another hit.

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><p>Munkustrap walked as quietly as he could towards his den, Asparagus having dragged himself home hours ago. It was close to midnight, Munk had passed out after taking several more hits and had just woken up. His paws were still shaking, and he was sweating and had a headache again. He hoped to get home and not get caught, realizing his dad would go crazy if he found out what he was doing. As his den came into sight, Munk tried to straighten out his head fur, hoping if anybody was awake he could make up an excuse and fool them. He had hidden his stash in a much more practical place this time, where he wouldn't have to be so afraid of being seen retrieving it.<p>

As he came up to the door to his den, he was glad he didn't hear a sound coming from within as he pressed his ear to the door. He didn't see a light on, so after checking over his shoulder one more time, he slowly opened the door and crept into the den.

It was pitch dark inside as he walked slowly through the hallway and into the living room, thinking he was home free. the room was silent and the air didn't stir as Munk walked through it, thinking of how stupid his dad was. But then to his horror the lights came on and there was Old D, sitting on a cushion, waiting for him.

He starred at his dad wide eyed, almost backing up at the sight.

"Munkus, what were you doing out so late at night?" he said, sitting up and looking at him.

Munk glared at his dad angrilly, ready to spit fire. "shut it, dad, I don't have to tell you."

"Yes you do, now tell me," he said, getting closer to Munk to take a better look at him. "You've been using, haven't you? You're pupils are dilated, what have you been taking?"

Munk turned away from his father, not wanting to deal with him. "What do you know dad? Nothing, that's what. You're a dumbass and don't know shit."

Old D tried to keep his cool, the last thing he would resort to was striking his child, but Munk was pushing him. "No more of that, Munkus, do you hear me?" said Old D, sternly.

Munkustrap chuckled sarcastically, loathing his dad more than ever as he tried to tell him not to do something he knew nothing about. "Yeah right, like I'd listen to you," he said, smirking as he wached his dad fuming.

"Munkus," he said, raising his voice without meaning to, "you can't just come and go as you please, sneaking in at 12 at night when I'm trying to raise your younger brother. What if he sees you and gets into whatever you're doing?"

"Then he'll stop being a baby, that's what," said Munks, cruelly.

"You are going to get clean, and on Saturday you're going to choir practice, do you understand me?" said old D, putting his foot down,

"What the hell," said Munk, raising his voice, "I told you I didn't want to do that, why are you fu..."-"You are going to stop that right now!" yelled Old D.

Munk took a defensive position, catching his dad off guard. "You wanna fight? Do you?" he asked, as his dad stood there awkwardly. But a sound outside the room suddenly caught their attention, and both toms turned their heads to see a pair of innocent eyes peeking around the corner.

"Tugger, you need to go back to bed," said Old D, trying to use a calm voice with his younger son. But Tugger didn't turn and go back to bed, instead he slowly came into the room, his paws behind his back. "What... what's going on dad?" he asked timidly.

"Son, you need to go back to bed and let me handle this," he said, as Munkustrap glared at his brother.

"Dad, don't shelter him, he needs to learn," said Munks, turning to Tugger. "Asswipe, your daddy is a lying bastard who wants to control your life and doesn't know anything."

"That's not true!" he said, stumping his foot. "Munkus, you stop talking like that in front of your little brother," said Old D, quickly.

Munk smirked at his dad coming to his brother's rescue, thinking it typical. "you're just trying to shelter the little git, well maybe if he was exposed to the real world he wouldn't be such a wuss!" he said bitterly, Tugger starting to back up at these words.

Munkustrap and Old D argued it out for hours, Munkustrap becomingmore violent and punching a hole the wall. Tugger watched frightened, trying to stay out of sight behind a wall as his dad and brother were at each others' throats. Finally, Munkustrap just threw up his arms and yelled, "fine, if I agree to go to this stupid choir practice, will you let me go to bed?"

"Fine," said Old D, frustrated and angry. Munkus drudged down the hallway to his room, giving his dad and brother the finger as he went.

Tugger grabbed onto his dad's leg and wimpered, and Old D patted his head and nodded, he was tired of this also.

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><p><strong>Watch'a think? I really did my homework for this one, so I hope it turned out okay.<strong>

**P.S. the next chapter will be at choir practice, but I promise this won't get too deep into religion, it's just that's where Munk meets a very religious but completely bodacious queen.**


	3. Angel

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warning: they are in a church in this chapter, and there are going to be words like 'prayer' or 'belief', and they worship the 'Everlasting Cat,' which is their perception of God. So if you are offended by religious refferences, don't read this chapter.**

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><p>Munkustrap sighed heavily as he followed his dad down the sidewalk, resent welling up inside him. "Dad, I don't share your delusions, why do I have to do this?" he asked.<p>

"Because, it will nourish your soul and will help bring you closer to the Everlasting Cat, and you promised," said the older cat.

Munk crossed his arms and looked around at the buildings they were passing, wishing he was somewhere stoned at the moment. As they passed an intersection Munkus noticed two buildings on the other side of the street and a human dealer standing on the corner with a brown paper bag, and he desperately wanted to bolt. He didn't want to go to the dealer, but he wanted to go do anything other than what his dad was forcing him to do. His dad was trying to choke him with his lame ideals, to turn him into some nutter that believed in a Heaviside Lair and an Everlasting Cat. That believed in never having fun and not kissing or holding hands, doing catnip or even wearing spiked collars.

As they came to the building and headed for a basement window, made of stained glass, Munkus just wanted to smack his dad. "Why'd you have to bring me here again?"

"None of that now Munkus, you agreed to"-"yeah, probably because I was still coming off of"-"yes?" asked Old Deuteronomy, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing," said Munkus, looking at his dad tartly.

Old Deuteronomy glared at his son and then led him into the basement, Munkus keeping his arms crossed and jaw clenched shut as they went.

The basement of the church was enomous, with light coming in the stained glass windows that let out into the street, giving the place a warm feeling. There were a couple of pews, an old scaffolding with cats on it operating stage lights, a raised area of floor (since this room was used for church events) a podium, and an old set of bleechers for the choir to stand on. There were curtains on the walls and beautiful lights hanging down from the high ceiling, and the room was shaped in such a way that it felt a lot bigger than it actualy was. Cats scurried back and fourth all through here, some members of the tribe, ally cats, members of other tribes, and even a few that lived in the church. They were chatting or finding their places or warming up for practice, all seeming very excited.

Munkus looked back and fourth but didn't see any cats he would want to hang out with, none of them looked like the fun type to him. Suddenly, to his horror, Old D put his arm around him when an adult tom approached, smiling warmly.

"Well, we haven't seen you here in a while, so when was the last time you darkened the door of a church?" he asked, patting Munkus on the shoulder. "I'm the choir directer, me and your father go back quite a ways, since I gave your dad some instruction back when he was with the choir." At his words Old D smacked himself in the face, he hadn't always had the beautiful, angelic, deep voice we all know today, and to him it was embarrassing to think about what he had used to sound like.

Munkus was really taken aback by this and didn't know how to respond, when the tom laughed and said, "I'm sure you're gonna like what we do here, kit. We're all cool here, right?"

He still didn't know what to say, this cat seemed very annoying, but he patted him on the shoulder one last time and chuckled in an off-putting sort of way and walked off, thinking he had just proven how hip the church now was.

Munk just kept his poker face even as he looked around at the older cats gossiping and the young cats probably talking about all the things they were not allowed to do. He sighed heavily and didn't even notice when his dad left him there, and a tom about his age approached him.

"Hey, I'm Alonzo, from your tribe. Aren't you Munkustrap?" he asked, in an annoyingly knowing voice.

"Call me Straps, so what's with all this?" he said, gesturing to the room around them.

"Well, we hold services on Sundays to the Everlasting Cat, and the choir leads worship," he explained.

Munkustrap held back a laugh and sighed sarcastically, "you mean that delusion that we use to pasify our old cats, so that they think they have a place to go to when they kick off? We even pretend to send one up to be 'reborn, once a year, so they'll think they have hope or something."

Alonzo looked at him funny for a second and wanted to back away, but wasn't really sure what to do. In the end his indecisiveness made him stay put and talk to Munkus, even if he couldn't be respectful of his beliefs.

"Let's go sit down, how long until practice starts?" he said, looking as if he was awaiting some horrible form of torture. They went and sat down on the raised platform and watched as the other cats came and went, Munkus leaning back on his arms and eyeing the queens as they waited. He watched a few with interest, although the one he was eyeing were much older, he wouldn't have minded having a cougar. But all too soon his fantasies were inturrupted by that older tom who had greeted him earlier, announcing that practice was starting. Munkustrap lazily got to his feet and watched as the others collected their music sheets and Alonzo grabbed both of theirs and ran back over to him, trying to be a little suck up. Munkus looked emotionless as he followed the group up onto the bleechers and turned around to face the room.

The choir director stood at the front and made them warm up by having them sing scales, and tested the range of the newer ones. Once he got an idea of what he had to work with, he told them what ranges to stick to for that practice and made them open their music books.

"We're starting on page one, for all those who missed last week," he said, looking at Munkus and a couple of others who were there against their will.

Munkus stiffly opened the book and almost laughed as he read the lyrics, it was all too cliche`.

The choir director raised his paws and all of them got ready, and when he lowered them they begun singing...

"The Mystical Divinity of Unashamed Felinity.  
>Round, the cathedral rang, Vivat!<br>Life to the Everlasting Cat!"

Munkus wanted to laugh his head off as they went through the different verses, thinking it was stupid they were worshiping thin air.

"Feline, fearless, faithful and true to others who do!"

To him it was ludicrus, but he put up with it, knowing that when he got home he could go and 'clear his head', as he called it.

As they finished the song he lowered his music book and wondered if they would take a break and he could sneak out, but suddenly a strange queen about his age hurried into the room. She ran up to the front, dodging around the pews and other cats, clutching several books in her hands tightly. "I'm so sorry I'm late, I was volunteering at the animal hospital and there was a kitten who needed a blood transfusion, so I had to donate," she said, out of breath as she reached the choir director. And with that she showed him the bandage on her arm.

As she talked to him, seeming apologetic as he repeatedly told her it was alright, Munkus just couldn't pull his eyes away from her. She had a gorgeous body and was very leggy, with a figure that just wouldn't quit and a tail that flitted back and fourth daintily. She had a beautifully shaped bust and she carried herself as if she was walking on air, although it was obvious she was unaware of her beauty. Her coat was golden with white going down her front, and long, smooth head fur with black stripes. Her lips were bright red and her face was angelic, with deep, green eyes. Around her neck was a blue choker with a single silver charm hanging from it, a cat's eye.

Not taking his eyes off of her for a second, Munkus leaned over to Alonzo and whispered, "Pst, hey, who's the chick?"

Alonzo looked at Munkustrap mortified as he looked back and fourth at him and the golden queen. "Don't tell me you're thinking of hooking up with her," he said, seeing the lust in Munk's eyes.

"And why not?" asked Munk, indignantly.

"I'll tell you when we take a break," whispered Alonzo, as the choir director turned back to them to speak.

"Alright, all of you are going to sit this out as Angel practices her solo," and with that everyone relaxed again as the golden queen stepped up on stage. Suddenly the spotlight shined on her and she truly was the picture of unparalleled beauty. Munkus was hypnotized by her, but then the music started and she begun singing.

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that save a wretch like me.  
>I once, was lost, but now, I'm found. Was blind, but now, I see..."<p>

Munkus had to have her, have her in every possible way. He was going to do whatever it took to get this queen. He didn't care what anyone else said, he was going to own her. It felt like he watched her for an eternity as she sang, her voice was as angelic as she was, shaking even the toughest in the room to a state of inspired awe.

When the song was over and the spotlight that was on her turned off, Alonzo poked Munk to make sure he was okay, making him jump. Munk glared angrilly at Alonzo and would have smacked him right there if they weren't surrounded by church cats. He was about to tell him off but the choir director called their attention again and they had to continue practice, joined by Angel who stood at the front.

Munkus song outstandingly to show off to her, since she was standing right in front of him she turned around and smiled, giggling in an innocent sort of way.

When it was time for a break Munkustrap and Alonzo sat down together and talked, Munk wondering why Alonzo found the idea of him liking Angel funny.

"You see..." said Alonzo, sitting back on one of the steps of the bleechers, watching with Munkustrap as Angel chattered and giggled with the other queens. "She's the choir director's daughter, so she's kind of... well... old fashioned."

"Old fashioned?" asked Munk nonchalantly.

"Yeah, she's, well... she's 'saving herself', you know, for when she finds a mate. In fact, she's never even kissed yet, she doens't think you should kiss until you know you're really in a committed relationship."

Munk tried not to laugh at this, so he just slowly shook his head as he watched her bend over to pick something up. "What's she spend most of her time doing?" he asked, wondering how he could get to her.

"She does a lot of volunteer work, usually for pet hospitals and animal shelters, choir practice three times a week, church and sunday school, lots of activist work to help hungry pets..." Alonzo's voice trailed off as he counted it off on his fingers. "She's never had a drink in her life, doesn't do nip, but then I don't do those things either..."

Munk rolled his eyes at this, thinking neither knew what they were missing. "I can fix that, she'll be doing all the stuff she's convinced herself is 'wrong', by the time I'm done with her."

Alonzo blinked at him, shocked, but then smiled as he shook his head to break the worst of it. With an evil grin meant to annoy Munk, he said, "she organizes seminars for queens, to talk to them about innocence and purity, and all that kinda stuff," at this Munk smacked himself in the face, he had a lot to work with.

"She's a slave to her own delusions then, eh?" asked Munk, but at this Alonzo wrinkled his nose in disgust and walked away, because he shared her 'delusions', and didn't like Munk much after talking to him.

"I don't need his help anyway, I've got a plan," muttered Munk, watching this luscious queen daintily scurry across the room for something.

For the rest of practice, Munkustrap thought over everything in his mind, just make her pity him and he could convince her to do anything. He just needed to find something he could swallow, something small. As he was thinking this, pretending to sing along with everyone else, he noticed a peddle on the bleechers right next to his foot and he bent down and picked it up, it was perfect. He went over the plan in his head again and again, clutching the peddle tightly in his hand, just hoping it would look convincing.

When practice was over, he waited for her to join her friends while he hung back a minute, pretending to look around worriedly as if he needed something. He looked along one of the walls and watched her out of the corner of his eye, and to his delight one of her friends pointed him out. After pretending to search pathetically for another few seconds, he meekly started toward the group of queens, Angel looking worriedly at him as he approached.

"Can I help you?" she asked the wide eyed, scarred looking tom, "because I haven't seen you around here before."

"Yes, can you tell me where I can get some water?" he said, trying to sound timid.

"Sure, follow me," she said, before turning to her friends saying, "see yall later," and they waved goodbye and left the basement.

Munkustrap followed Angel to a side room where there was a faucet to a hose sticking out of the bricks. Angel filled a cup with water and handed it to Munkus, who quickly popped the pebble into his mouth and took a swig of the water to wash it down. "Thank you," he said, trying to sound earnest, "my vet said I'm supposed to take my pills with water, and I was getting worried because I'm on this schedule for when I'm supposed to take them."

"Oh, well... I'm glad I could help you," she said, feeling a little unsure around the strange tom. "So... who's your vet?"

"Dr. Steinborrow, at the St Anthony Animal Clinic," Munk lied, hoping she would take the bait.

"Dr. Steinborrow? But he specializes in cancer..." he sensitive eyes went wide and she backed up a bit, thinking she had said something she shouldn't have. "I'm sorry, it's personal whatever you're going through over there, forgive my rudeness."

Munk shook his head at this, "it's okay, actually... I can't find any support at home, is there anyone here I could talk to?"

"Well yes, there are lots of cats here who would listen to your story. We can even have the whole congregation pray for you on sunday if you'd like," she said, trying to sound encouraging.

Munk smiled and finished the water and followed her out into the main area of the basement, _"now for step two,"_ he decided in his mind. And with that he dropped to his knees and called out, pretending to be in excruciating pain, making Angel turn around suddenly and getting several cats attention. "I'm fine," he gasped, shaking and holding himself, pretending to cringe.

"Easy, take it slowly," she told him, helping Munk to sit down on a pew. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, the pain meds will kick in soon. Although really, there's no reason to beat around the bush, I have malignant tumors in my intestine, I'm starting chemo next week," he said, looking off into space in a hopeless way.

Now, Angel was not stupid, but she was niave, and Munkus was such a great liar he could have convinced a vet to do an exploratory without examining him first, and they got a lot of sick cats seeking help at that church. In fact, several cats had overheard and had gathered to listen, making Munkus nervous.

"Hey" said Angel, turning to the gathering cats, putting her hands on her hips. "Can you give us some privacy?" The small crowd looked at her indignantly but slowly dispersed, leaving Angel to talk to Munkustrap. "Listen, I'm studying to become a counselor, would you like to talk about it?"

Munk tried to look desperate for someone to talk to, but then shook his head no. "I just came here to raise my voice to praise the Everlasting Cat for the life He's given me, although sometimes I wonder whether he loves me or even sees me at all..."

Angel shook her head no quickly and waved her hands as if to drive away the thought. "Don't say that, He loves you, why would He bless you with an amazing voice if He didn't love you?"

"You really think so? I just wish I had someone to talk to at home, but my mom left not long after my younger brother was born, and my dad's a workaholic, so I have no one to turn to. It's like I'm fighting cancer alone."

"Well, you can talk to me anytime you need to. We can get together sometime this week for prayer, if you'd like. Where do you live?"

"In the Jellicle Junkyard, we could meet up there and talk, maybe you could even give me some advice for my singing, because it's you who has the amazing voice."

"Thanks... so... does tomorrow sound okay? We could meet up at the entrance," she said, feeling a bit awkward about asking where to meet up.

"Sure, that sounds wonderful," he said, slowly getting up, still gripping his stomach.

"Are you gonna be alright?" she asked, rising to help him stand up.

"Yeah, I'm fine now that the meds have kicking in. So I'll see you tomorrow?" he said, trying to sound like he was being brave.

"Yeah, I'll see you then," and she patted his shoulder and started to gather up her things.

Munk climbed up to the window and waved goodbye one last time before he crawled through window and found his dad outside waiting for him.

"So, how did it go?" asked Old Deuteronomy expectantly.

"Everything, went perfectly," he said, smirking at his father.

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><p><strong>Oh, and for the record people, this is not unrealisitic, because Munkustrap is a great liar in this story. Like I said, he faked symptoms of abdomenal pain so well he could fool a vet. And even if he wasn't a great liar, Angel was highly sheltered from toms like him so she wouldn't recognize what he's trying to do. Trust me when I say I know ignorant churchy girls who will fall for anything with the word cancer attached to it.<strong>


	4. Lying and stirring the pot

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warning: very emotional chapter.**

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><p>Munkustrap sat up against a tire next to Asparagus Jr, talking about Angel. "Plus she's a virgin, so that's a bonus."<p>

"Nice, but how are you going to do this? I mean, she's a church cat, isn't it against her morals or beleifs to"-"shut up. She's like any queen, all I have to do is tell her all the right stuff," inturrupted Munkus, annoyed at his friends ignorance. He lazily ran his paw through his fur, he had a few hours before she would come over, and he had planned exactly what to say and do. His stomach bulged slightly, part of his plan to fool her, he had gorged enough to make it stand out so he could say it was the tumors. He hadn't done any drugs that day, since he had to pretend to be a 'nice' tom, and although he really looked forward to her visit, he also kinda wanted to get it over with so he could use.

He wanted to laugh seeing the stupid look on his friend's face, knowing his friend didn't have the luck with the queens he had. "I'm gonna tell you something, if a queen is having problems with her dad, then you've got her."

"Really? No, that is too much. I seriously doubt a queen would give in just because she's mad at her dad," scoffed Asparagus Jr.

Munk raised an eyebrow at his friend's words and chuckled, finding his cluelessness amusing. "So... if you're so smart, when was the last time you got any?" he asked, trying to make his point. At Asparagus Jr.'s silence Munk just nodded, nothing else had to be said.

Around four a'clock Munkus headed to the junkyard gate and waited for Angel, standing with his paws resting on the fence. When he saw her coming around the corner, he straightened up and held the fence with one paw, resting the other on his very full stomach.

"Hey there," she called from the other side of the street, before briskly crossing. She approached the junkyard gate with a smile, and to Munkus it looked as though she were walking three feet off the ground.

Munk opened the gate to her, trying to seem feeble, and the brightness in her eyes faded as she caught sight of his stomach. She stared for a moment before she realized it was rude, and then smiled awkwardly as she pulled her eyes away.

"So where would you like to go?" he asked, unsure of what she would prefer.

"Well... we could head over to your den, or maybe find a nice place to sit out here," she suggested.

"Alright then, we could go to the clearing, hang out on the outer edge there," he said.

Angel nodded and followed Munkus, heading toward the clearing. But as they went Munkus' stomach started giving him more and more trouble. it had been unsettled before, but now it was uncomfortably tight as he walked with Angel, and he started to get nervous. Angel noticed and looked at Munkus worriedly, but he quickly explained, "it's just some abdomenal pain, my meds should kick in soon." This seemed to ease her concern as she followed him through the yard to the edge of the clearing, and Munk was relieved to find that there was nobody around to bother them.

"I see an old lawn chair, want to go sit over there?" asked Angel, looking around.

Munkus shrugged and they walked over to it and sat down, Angel turning sweetly to Munkus and then scanning the area with her eyes, feeling a bit awkward. But she reminded herself that she was there to counsel Munks and give him support, so she put her nervousness aside and tried to stay focused.

"So... um..." started Munk, unsure of what to say to her.

"So how are you feeling?" she asked, but then she mentally smacked herself for not saying something better.

Munk just nodded his head and said, "okay, but I'd be a little better if I knew your name..."

Angel laughed before saying, "I'm Angel, although I'm not fond of the name, because cats say with a name like that I just sereotype myself."

Munkus pretended to be shocked before he said, "I'm Munkustrap, but I prefer Munkus, or Straps."

"Munkus, that's nice. So tell me Munkus, what is the hardest thing, besides the cancer itself, that you are going through right now?" asked Angel, trying to seem earnest.

"If I had to pick one thing, it's knowing my mother didn't love me enough to stay, she wanted fame more," he said, despairingly.

"That's awful, so has she gotten what she wanted?" said Angel, as if trying to make a point.

"She's gotten everything she's wanted and more. They love her, she's traveled the world playing the role of Griddlebone on stage, she's called the glamour cat. She used to attend your church, her name's Grizabella."

"Yeah, my dad told me about her, Old Deuteronomy's 99th wife, right?" she asked, remembering her dad telling her about famous cats he'd met.

"Yeah, well, not anymore, and her fame is dwindling. She made a couple of notorious appearances in Cat Fancy magazine and now nobody with a reputation will hire her."

"Well, I hope she learns her lesson and then turns over a new leaf, we shouldn't lement on what's she's doing to ruin her own life. Instead, tell me about how what she's done has affected you."

"If you really want to know, I've always felt unwanted and unloved. She left in a storm for no reason one day, and for years I thought it was my fault. Dad treated me like it was my fault..." he trailed off as Angel looked away from him, trying to keep control of her emotions.

"How does your dad treat you?" she asked, trying to seem proffesional.

"He's hardly ever around, and when he is home... Angel, this is confidental, right?" he asked, trying to look afraid. When she nodded he continued. "He would beat me, he would knock me into the wall and would hit me across the face with an old belt. I used to hide whenever I saw him stomping through the den, but he would always find me." Munkus was brilliantly weaving this thing, his facial expressions were perfect, his timing and delivery were flawless. He knew he was playing to her weaknesses, he knew she would eventually soccumb to whatever he asked of her, as she did everything she could to hide her emotions.

Angel tried to tell herself again and again that it seemed etchy, but she found herself believing what he said. She didn't know why, it made no sense, but despite all the things she always taught queens to watch out for, her emotions took over and did the thinking for her.

"After I got my diagnosis, and I didn't want to tell anyone about this... but I almost longed for the grave..." he said this as if he could barely get the words out, and Angel took his paw in hers.

Munkus had baited the hook and she took it, sob stories about his mother leaving and his dad beating him. About how uncaring his vet seemed about hid diagnosis, dreams that would never come true for him. He spewed lies like venom and she drank down what he was saying, ignoring all the warning signs and lights going off in her head. She would listen to whatever he said, because she was just too compassionate for her own good. She fell to his mind games, as he would suggest that he couldn't be loved by the Everlasting Cat, that nobody could love him.

She cried with him and prayed for him, she let him cry on her shoulder, anything to be a comfort. But after a while, Munkus turned the conversation around and asked Angel about her family, saying he didn't want to think about it anymore.

"Well, what can I say..." she said, biting her lip. "I just live up at the church with my dad, my mom passed away when I was a kitten."

"I'm sorry," said Munk, secretly thinking that this meant he had one less parent to worry about.

"It's okay, I don't really remember her, but anyway... my dad is the choir director, I've been taking singing lessons all my life, someday I hope to do a concert to benefit starving kittens," she said, almost sounding giddy at the idea of helping others.

"Is that so? Now what's it like having a choir director as a dad?" he asked, wanting to steer the conversation toward the topic of her relationship with her dad.

"It's great, he's always been there for me, I don't know what I'd do without him."

"I'm so jealous," said Munk, hiding his disappointment that she was on good terms with her dad.

They talked for several hours, and Angel caught them some mice for dinner, which Munkustrap reffused, saying the tumors made eating painful. Of course, he probably would have vomited if had he accepted it, he had keep this lie going. When she finally had to head home, he led her back to the gate, repeatedly thanking her for listening.

"It's no problem really, I'm glad that I could listen," she said giving him a slight hug.

Munk weekly smiled, "by Angel, will you come again?"

"Sure," she said, as she scurried off into the streets of London.

Munk watched her until she was out of sight, and then turned around and threw his arms up in the air in frustration. He knew she was falling for it, but he knew she firmly believed in all that purity stuff, and as long as her relationship with her dad was okay, he knew she wouldn't disappoint him. She was a daddy's girl.

He started back to his den, figuring he should just head to bed, but then, he realized something: As soon as her dad found out about them, she would take his side. A wicked smile spread across Munk's face.

* * *

><p>"So where were you this evening, Angel?" asked her dad cassually, licking his paw.<p>

"I was at the Jellicle Junkyard today, talking to Munkustrap," she said, joining him on their couch in the attic.

This caught her dad off guard and he stopped his grooming, and looked up at his daughter surprised. "Old Deuteronomy's son?"

"Yes daddy, we spent several hours talking in the junkyard."

"Why were you over there, sweetie?" he asked, concerned.

"Well, you see, Munkus... Munk has cancer, daddy," she said, looking around as she felt a twinge of guilt for telling.

Her dad stared at her for a moment, but then shook his head no. "He's lying to you, trust me Angel, he's manipulating you. Old Deuteronomy has told me all the things Munkus has been doing lately, and he's just manipulating you because he knows you're"-"I'm what?" she said, before she realized she had inturrupted her dad, but then she didn't care. After listening to Munkus talk about all the horrible things his dad did to him, she wouldn't believe contrary. "He knows I'm what dad?"

"Angel, look, I'll bring you to Old Deuteronomy to clear this whole thing up tomorrow."

"I'm what dad? Ignorant, maybe? You know me, you know I won't be played. And can you really believe anything that fraud of an old bat says?" she said, getting defensive. She had to be right here, she had let herself be vulnerable, and to her that meant she couldn't be wrong about this tom.

"He's up to no good, he's playing tricks on you, before you know it he'll have you on your back and"-"shut up!" she yelled, getting up and going to her room off to the side where she slept. "He's dying dad, he wouldn't try to use me, you just think you always have to defend me. Well, I'm not a niave little kitten anymore, I don't believe whatever I'm told, unlike a tom I'm looking at!" And with that she slammed the door, and went and sobbed into her pillow. She never fought with her dad.


	5. Tension

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warnings: ends at a cliff hanger.**

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><p>The next day Angel went to volunteer at the Homeless Animal Project, but her thoughts were consumed by Munkustrap and the fight she had had with her dad. Even as she performed her various duties she couldn't stay focused, which was unusual for her. Several cats noticed, but she couldn't tell them why she was inattentive, she was too embarrassed. Her, miss perfect, the one so many looked up to, the definition of a good example. Torn between her dad and a strange tom. She had to see Munk again, going home meant going back to disaproval and judgement. So instead of going home afterward, she went straight to the junkyard to spend time with Munkustrap. If she was going to disagree with her dad, she couldn't be wrong.<p>

_"He thinks I can't handle myself, as if I didn't know what to watch out for..." _she felt a twinge of guilt as she ran down the street, thinking about her dad this way. It was a warm day and it was a long way, but Angel didn't care, she had a point to prove.

She was sad and angry, because her dad had suggested she was vulnerable and ignorant, after all the times she had lectured young queens about that sort of stuff! She had to be around Munk to prove her dad wrong; this was literally the first time in her life she had ever gotten into a fight with him.

When she made it to the junkyard, she found Munkus sitting on a tire about to eat a mouse. But when he saw her, he pretended to pick at it, just so she would beg him to try and eat some.

He pretended that he could barely stand a few bites, and her concern so apparent it was like reading words on a page. "I've had enough, I couldn't get down anymore," he said, pushing the mouse away with his nose.

Angel just smiled as she leaned back against a tire, glad Munk had tried to eat a little. He really didn't look good, he looked stressed and worn out and nauseous, seeing him like this reasurred her that her dad was wrong. Unbeknownst to her, it was because he hadn't used in days.

Angel and Munks spent the whole day together, Angel giving Munkus special singing lessons. She was amazed by the tom's voice, it brought tears to her eyes hearing it, he was the best singer she ever heard. She had never admired a singer more, and the thought that he might not survive and his talent would die with him almost too much to bare.

Munk begged her to sing to him, and she ablidged, letting the tom lay his head in her lap as she sang a soothing melody to help him relax. She sang and she felt a pur come out of Munkustrap, and she almost pured along as she stroked his fur. Just being around him felt great, because she loved to comfort others, and here was a tom who needed her.

But before Angel knew it she had lost track of time, and it was getting dark. She knew her dad was worried about her, so she had to say goodbye to Munk.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" he asked, looking up at her pleadingly.

"Yes, I'll be back tomorrow. You'll be okay until then," she said, reasurringly.

"I'll be looking forward to seeing you, and you're right, I'll be okay, my dad is out of town right now, so that means I won't have to worry about him and his 'anger issues'." He looked relieved as he told her this, as if he had been looking forward to his dad's business trip, as an escape from the abuse.

Angel smiled and gave him one last hug and then hurried off back toward the church, racing the sun as it set.

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><p>She got home to find her dad waiting for her, sitting on the couch with his arms crossed. He didn't say anything as she came in, he just looked down at the floor with his eyes half closed, his disappointment just radiating from him. Angel turned her head away and didn't look at him as she headed for her room, not wanting to deal with him. As she was halfway there, he looked up at her and said, "Angel, where were you after volunteer work today?"<p>

Angel didn't answer at first, afraid of what he would say, until after a minute of hard silence, she said. "I was with Munkus, at the junkyard." And then after another pause she added, "I know what you think, but he's dying, dad. He is sick, I'm not going to let him die without anybody to comfort him. Because that's what he's facing with his family."

"He's lying to you, you just want to believe what he says. I told you that tom can't be trusted, he's a lying, manipulative miscreant. I'll prove it to you tomorrow, we'll go talk to Old Deuteronomy," he said, getting up and walking towards her.

"He's out of town at the moment, fortunately for Munkus. Trust me dad, you shouldn't believe anything that fat bastard says. All he does is stuff his face and talk shit about Munkus."

If her father hadn't seen her lips move, he wouldn't have believed the words had come out of her mouth. This was the first time he had ever heard Angel swear. After the initial shock, he regained his composer and was about to say something else, but Angel had already gone into her room.

For the first time in her life, she truly resented her father, a feeling that hurt and made her want Munkus. She wanted him more than anything, she thought about laying in his arms and getting comfort from him. Her dad was right, she wanted to believe what Munkus told her, she had to believe it, or she couldn't live with knowing she was wrong. That night she cried herself to sleep, and dreamt she was with Munkus.

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><p>Angel continued to visit Munkustrap every day after volunteer work, and would sit and talk to him for hours. Munk knew every weakness to play to, and would pretend to agree with whatever she said. He didn't gave a care about some Everlasting Cat or Heaviside layer, but he would say whatever he had to. He knew she didn't suspect any lying from him, especially when he would ask her question about the EC, he knew the right things to say. He could fool and own her. He knew that there was tension with her dad, and he acted sympathetic, and so Angel turned to him for the fatherly affection she was missing at home. Munkus provided the support she needed, and she became dependent on him.<p>

Her dad would be at home waiting for her, sometimes they would fight, and sometimes she would go to her room without a word. She couldn't stand her dad for his disapproval, for thinking she would be niave enough to be fooled, for thinking she was defenseless, and for bashing the tom she was falling for. It hurt, coming home and seeing him waiting up for her, knowing what he thought, and having a shouting match over it. But every afternoon, Munkus gave her his shoulder to cry on, an ear that would listen, and a false sense of security that she took out of her denial. Her dad was no longer her knight in shining armor, now it was Munkus, coming to comfort and promise and give her the feeling of being loved. A feeling she didn't get from her dad anymore, as she let Munk come between them.

For the first time in her life, she was being rebellious. She couldn't stand being around her dad, she couldn't even have a casual conversation with him anymore. She lied about the time she would get home and would be deliberately disobediant, loathing herself for it but doing it anyway. He told her not to go back to the junkyard, told her to be home by a certain time, told her not to talk back or act defiant or swear, but she didn't care anymore. All she cared about now was Munkus.

By Thursday, she was completely infatuated with him, while her dad was about ready to go and kill that tom. That night as Angel came home, he sat waiting for her as usual.

She tried to hurry away to her room, get away from what she knew was coming, but as she reached for the knob, her said, "why are you doing this Angel? You know you're being stupid."

That was the worst thing he could have said to her, she had been crying about what was happening at home not thirty minutes before, and she had come home to this. "Dad, you don't know anything about what's"-"I know enough to say that that tom is using you and doesn't want anything from you other than sex!"

There was a silence between them for a moment, but then Angel raised her paw and said, "you, don't understand anything, he and I are going through right now. He doens't know if he's going to live, and here you are being a heartless bastard about it."

"I'm not, I'm just trying to protect you," he said desperately,

"Well, I'm not a kitten anymore. And you know what else, I'm not some vulnerable little thing to be taken advantage of, I can see through any tom."

"He doens't care about you!" he said, grabbing his face out of despair.

Angel stared at her father for a second, and then turned and went into her room. "No dad, it's you who doesn't care," she muttered, wanting to get in the last word.

She leaned up against the door of her room and thought, she couldn't stand being around her dad anymore. She wanted to prove she was right, that Munkus wasn't just using her, and she wanted to punish her dad. She wanted to take her anger out on her dad by doing something to herself just to be defiant. She looked about the dark room, and bit her lip as she thought. She pressed her ear to the door and didn't hear anything, and she sighed in relief. She thought about what to do as her eyes fell on the window, and the words 'sneak out' flashed through her brain.

_"Yeah, that'll show him..."_ she thought, as she made her way to the window. She lifted the latch and slowly raised the pane and noiselessly climbed through it. Once out, she stood on the roof for a moment, deciding what she was going to do. And then started her decent, the goal she had in mind was the junkyard. She was heading for Munkus, her knight in shattered armor.


	6. If you love me

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS! Or the poem 'When I Was Fourteen,' at the end of this chapter. I repeat, I didn't write this poem, it's just there to emphasize the way Angel feels and the reasons she's doing this. The peom was actually written by a woman named Salor Dawn, I think. It's set in a different situation, but it gets the point of self respect and not giving in to pressure across.**

**Warning: sensual content, although I had to keep it rated T, but it's still very obvious what they do.**

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><p>Angel slowly walked down the sidewalk, her emotions dragging her on. It was a cool night and she shivered as the wind blew through her fur. Her teeth chattered and the wind stung her eyes a she held herself as it blew against her. The streets were empty and quiet, her ears were filled with the sound of her own footsteps and her quickened breath, as she looked back and fourth a she walked the moonlit streets. Occasionally, a car would rush by, the sound and realization that she wasn't totally alone startling her, sending panic through her as the thought that she might actually see someone she knew.<p>

"I'll show my dad..." she thought, clenching her fists and picking up her pace at the thought of her dad. "I'll show him Munkus loves me..." She had fully made up her mind that her dad was to blame, and so she wanted to do something that would hurt him.

The look of desperation written on her face was pathetic, as she reasoned with herself that her dad was to blame for everything, and that it wasn't just that Munk had come between them.

She kept on telling herself that it wouldn't come down to sex, even though she knew it probably would. The guilt of what she was going to do, just from putting herself in this this position, was weighing down on her. She could hardly bare the thought that she could be doing something wrong, and so to avoid thinking about it, she kept telling herself, "but I do love the Everlasting Cat." She told herself this repeatedly because she didn't want to think about what she was probably going to do with MUnkus.

Angel was afraid as she walked the streets that night, the dark allys seeming more menacing then usually and the pale moon appearing lonely and low in the sky. She didn't want to admit to herself that she wasn't ready emotionally for what she also didn't want to admit to herself she was gonna do. This anxiety sent her to the verge of panic, as every little sound made her more and more jumpy.

It seemed like a longer walk than usual to the junkyard, and the misty sidewalk and sounds of the night were beginning to get to her as she finally came to the correct street to go down. There were wide allys between the buildings and she tried to look tough as she passed them by, scared that she would be assaulted by an ally cat. She took big steps and stood tall as she walked down this street, now afraid of both what would happen in the junkyard as well as any cats she could meet just passing through here.

As she came to the end of this block and was about to cross the street, she heard a noise from behind her. She took a deep breath but didn't even look over her shoulder before she bolted across the street. The junkyard gate was on the other side, but it seemed like a million miles as she pictured all her nightmares chasing her down. When she was halfway across the almost tripped and for one terrifying moment she thought something had tried to grab her, but she made a mad dash for the curb and reached the junkyard gate. She fumbled with the latch and opened the gate, panting and scared. She pushed the gate open and slipped through and shut it quickly, looking back and fourth for whatever she had thought was chasing her before she took off again. She knew where Munkus lived, he had pointed out his place when they had gone for a walk, and she made a bee-line for the place.

The junkyard was dark and forboding and it was just as frightening there as it had been out in the streets. Angel just wanted to fing Munkus, find him and not let him go. She thought about him as she jumped at every noise and the tiniest sign of movement. She picked up her pace as she went, the cool breeze sending new fears through her as she imagined herself surrounded by horrors. Soon Munk's den was in sight, and by this time she had broken into a run.

She almost ran straight into the door as she came to a stop and hurriedly knocked, looking this way and that as she waited. After a moment the door opened slightly and a very surprised Munkustrap peaked around the door. "...Angel? What are you doing here?" he asked, opening the door more.

"My dad and I had a fight, may I come in?" she asked, still looking afraid. Everything inside her was telling her not to go, but she wanted Munkus, not her dad or anyone else.

"Sure, come on in," he said, stepping out of her way as she came through the door. He was definitely shocked to see her at his den, but he was also pleased, he knew he had her in exactly the right place.

Angel looked around nervously, unsure as she walked into the living room. "Nice place you've got here," she said, turning around and smiling awkwardly at the silver tom. Her fear of the outside was vanishing now, now that she had Munk to protect her.

"Thanks... so can you tell me what happened with you and your dad?" he asked, leading her to a seat, taking the one right next to her. Angel still looked terrified after her panicked run through the junkyard, she grabbed herself and almost cried like a kitten at the thought of all that had scared her. Munkus was her knight in shining armor, she scooted closer to him so that she could feel the comfort of his warm body close to hers. After a few minutes of his comforting words and knowing nothing would happen to her while she was with him she calmed down. The fear of outside seemed like a distant memory, as Munkus petted the back of her head protectively. He would ward off any nightmares she could dream up, he would keep away all the bad and let her know it was all okay.

"It was just another stupid fight, he's always been so controlling," she said, sitting down. "He thinks all these horrible things about you, but he barely knows you." "He just doens't understand what it's like..." Munkus drifted off, refering to his 'disease'. Angel nodded agreeingly, wanting to comfort him and receive the comfort he offered her. He knew he was saying the right things to her, he knew that if he said certain things she would project all her hopes for belonging onto him.

Munkus put his arm around Angel and she leaned into him, nuzzling his fur. "You're right, he doesn't understand, and he thinks he can control my life," she said, feeling resentful about her dad. She leaned in closer to Munkus, wanting the sense of belonging he brought.

"It'll be okay..." murmured Munk, stroking her head fur, as tears started to form in the corners of her eyes. Angel and been so, so scared coming over. Trying to find his den in the dark, she wanted to feel this closeness and know that he wouldn't let anything bad happen to her. This was so perfect for him, he could easily play to her niavity here, her being an emotional wreck and wanting to feel wanted and beautiful to someone.

"I've lost my dad, he isn't who I thought he was, he's just a judgemental hypocrit," she sobbed, looking up at Munkus' face. She wanted to know that he would be there for her, since her dad wouldn't. Munkus gave her a sense of security, and she called that love.

"I'm sorry your sick," she said, gently planting a kiss on Munkus' cheek.

"I'll be fine," he whispered, pulling her face up to meet his. He wanted her, he had gone out of his way to stir up trouble in her life, and now he wanted it to pay off. He wanted to own her in every possible way and have her love it. He looked into her beautiful, innocent eyes, he saw the sadness and knew how to take advantage of it. Slowly he leaned down and kissed her gently, and he felt her tense up shyly, and knew she wanted to pull away.

"Angel?" he asked, as she looked up at him scared.

She shivered slightly in fear, nervous about moving this fast, but then the thought of her dad came back to her. She leaned in for another kiss and tasted his lips, wanting to punish her dad by defying him. Munk wrapped both his arms around her and tried to part her lips with his tongue. Angel felt his tongue on hers and started to breathe heavy as she kissed him back, she was on fire for this. She ignored all the guilt that was welling up inside of her, all the times she had held conferences on how to avoid situations like this. She wanted to take her sadness and guilt and throw it away for the lust of the moment. She ran her hand through Munkus' head fur as she kissed him passionately, before Munk suddenly broke off the kiss.

"Want to take this to my room?" he asked, taking her hand in his.

Angel looked up at him shyly, feeling afraid again, Without thinking she got up and followed him as he led her down the hall. He held her hand in his as he opened the door to his room and showed her in, shutting the door behind them. Angel had a look of terror on her face as she watched the tom turn around facing the room with her, coughing awkardly as he did so.

She looked around the dimly lit room and all her worries and guilt begun to consume her again. Really, she wasn't ready for this, emotionally, or in any way. She started to breathe deeply from fear as Munkus came up to her again and started kissing her neck. She wanted to pull away, wanted to say no, wanted to tell him she wasn't ready for something like this, that it was against her beliefs. But she accidentally let out a pleasured moan as she felt Munk's mouth sucking at her neck, moving up to her ear lobe.

She leaned into him and told herself repeatedly again, "but I do love the Everlasting Cat," once again to avoid thinking of the bad feelings creeping up on her. She became weak at the knees and Munk had to hold her as he planted kisses on her, knowing how to pleasure a queen. She felt his every touch, she wanted to make up some illusion of love, wanted to find security and belonging in his lust, even though it was empty.

"Munkus..." she begun, her conscience getting the best of her. "I don't think we should be doing this, it's wrong for us to"-"it'll be okay," he inturrupted, placing a hand over her mouth. "I love you, and I want you to know that. I want to show you the love I have for you, that you aren't getting anywhere else."

Angel didn't want to admit to herself that he was pressuring her, as they moved closer to his bed and finally sat down on the edge. She didn't want to think about any possibility that she could be played or taken advantage of. Not after all she had put up with, her dad suggesting that she was ignorant and easily fooled. She would prove him wrong, that she was more than just a sex object to this tom, even if it meant seeing if he was still there in the morning.

"Munkus..." she whispered, as he laid her down. She looked so scared and ignorant, as she felt the body of the tom over hers.

Munk leaned over her and put a finger to her lips, and looked her straight in the eye, "if you love me..."

He knew he had her, he knew the guilt would sink in, because she wanted to believe in the illusion of his love.

Those words sent a feeling of obligation through her, making her feel that she had to so she wouldn't lose him. She knew she wasn't ready, knew she believed this was wrong, but she didn't want to be a cock tease, didn't want to disappoint Munks. She was so afraid that if she didn't do this, he wouldn't love her in return, as he planted kisses on her neck and started going down her body. She chose to believe what he said to her, because it hurt to think any other way. As this tom who had stirred up so much at home planted kisses on her, she wanted to spite her dad, wanted to hurt him to prove she was right about Munks.

She was betraying herself and trading her integrity for the temptation that came from searching for something that she pictured as love. She wanted him to love her and think of her as beautiful and to feel the safety of his arms around her, willing to please at any cost now.

She leaned into his kissed longingly and started feeling him up and down as Munkus crawled on top of her. His kisses were so passionate, his touch so alluring, she found herself wanting it more than anything.

Just outside you could hear their pleasured sighs and panting, through the slightly cracked window.

When I was fourteen,  
>I got down on my knees,<br>because he said I would, if I loved him.

And what did I know then?  
>When I first betrayed my body.<br>Sold it for a kiss and a smile.

Taught to please at any cost,  
>left to fight for independence in the back seats of cars on stained leather interior,<br>dank with the smell of expectations.

I traded integrity for security,  
>and called it love,<br>leaving pieces of an empty shell falling behind.  
>My mother patting my head saying,<br>"what happened to that nice boy you were dating?"

While I pushed memories further down,  
>buried beneath peircing sunlight.<br>Dreamed my knight would come to save,  
>and prayed, scraping already skinned knees while I cried myself to sleep.<p>

So I bit the apple in confusion,  
>abandoned my innocence beneath the tree of knowledge and became as bitter as the fruit I couldn't refuse.<p>

Time and again, giving in, giving up.  
>Waiting, always wanting more than pickup lines,<br>promising promiscuity, clothing myself in false hopes,  
>enclosing myself in frail arms for years.<p>

Cars turning into bars with one lamp and piles of discarded clothing.  
>And I heard myself say no, over and over.<br>But he didn't hear me, wouldn't listen when he called me a whore,  
>pinned me down, and took the only innocence I had left!<p>

And I was searching, still, for purity.

Lurking in hidden corners,  
>hips swinging, lips pouting,<br>trading in shattered innocence for bared and brazen offerings,  
>I learned how to control.<p>

And three years of vengeance passed,  
>while I was that woman despised.<br>While they begged for plastic perfection,  
>found in the temptation inches from their faces.<p>

I could feel the longings, the lies, when they said,  
>"you're so beautiful," and it wasn't enough.<p>

And so he loved music more than me.  
>loved work more than me.<br>Loved money more than me.  
>Loved her more than me.<br>And I loved him more than me!

And I gave in, to where I thought love hid,  
>to the times I thought it was real.<p>

We give in to what men want,  
>we paint ourselves with what we think are colors of the rainbow,<br>when really we're cloaked in hips, and lips.  
>The brutal realities that leave us grasping tatters of the illusions of love.<p>

Until we wear our own colors,  
>and part the curtains we're draped over our mirrors in mourning.<br>And look ourselves in the eye and say,  
>"with you, I feel like Isis, and I am beautiful."<p>

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><p><strong>Oh, just a fair warning for my readers: this story is going to be long, an emotional roller coaster, and brutally realisitic. I'm pretty much going for writing this so that it's completely repulsive, but you become addicted to it as the characters' addictions to drugs and each other get worse. Enjoy!<strong>

**P.S. I hope it doesn't bother yall that I'm such a feminist, because it just shows in my writing, doesn't it?**


	7. The morning after

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warning: suggestive content, and very anti-feminist views coming from Munkustrap. **

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><p>The two Jellices lay asleep as the light peered through the window, revealing the details of the scene from the night before. Showing two worn out, entertangled bodies, uncovered and exposed by the blankets tossed aside. Stained bedsheets and messed up fur, necks sore from hickies and the kind of exhaustion that only comes after a night like they had.<p>

Dried on blood was caked to Angel's inner thighs as she begun to stir, and as she opened her eyes she slowly became aware of her surroundings, and almost gasped from soreness. She looked down at herself and guilt begun to overwhelm her as she started to breathe deeply from panic at the thought of what had happened the night before. Slowly she got up on her elbows and gently shook Munkustrap, trying to wake him.

"Munks..." she croaked, her voice having given out after that night. "Munkus... it's morning."

The silver tabby opened his eyes and slowly wrapped his arms around her again, pulling her close again. "So it is..." he murmured, trying to pull her into another kiss.

Angel pulled back and cringed a little in pain, "Munks..." She looked down at herself again and grabbed onto her inner thigh and almost cried, it hurt her just to move.

"Easy..." said Munks, sitting up and taking her paw, "let me help you."

He got up, leaving Angel on the bed as he headed into the kitchen. He realized after what had happened the night before, he needed to take care of her so she would stay with him, as he rummaged about the kitchen and started a pot of tea. As the tea steeped he fetched some soft towels and started soaking them in warm water, wringing them out. He had a dirty smile on his face as he did this, feeling as though he had saved Angel from a life free of fun. She could do what she wanted now, and he would help her, he would show her how to really live. _"She's no longer a slave to her delusions or ideals..."_ he thought, feeling as though he had done her the biggest favor in the world.

"Munkus..." rasped Angel, from his bedroom, making him jump as he poured a mug of tea and put some honey in it.

"Just a sec, I'll be right there," he called, as he picked up the coffee mug filled with tea and the moist towels and headed back to his room.

When he got there Angel was fumbling with the blankets, but she looked up as Munkus entered the room. "Munkus, you"-"Ssssh," he said, getting down close to her and putting a finger over her mouth. "My brother is still sleeping, we don't want to wake him."

Angel's eyes went wide at this and she looked around panicked, "you mean he was here last night while we were... what if he heard us?"

"Don't worry about that, it's none of his business," he said, sitting down next to her. He handed her the mug and smiled reasurringly as she took it, sitting up more as she did.

"I don't want you to strain your voice any further, so don't speak too loud," he said softly. There was a quiet moment as she stirred the tea and he patted the back of her head protectively. He ran his hand down her neck gently, wanting her to know that she was alright. "Drink your tea."

Angel nodded as she sipped the sweet tea, feeling guilty and full of worry, but oddly complacent. She drank it slowly, feeling assured as Munk spoke to her gently, despite the thought of what he dad would do to her when she got home.

As Munk reached to pull the blanket away, Angel gripped it and shrank back, embarrassed about the blood coating her fur.

"It's okay, you don't need to be embarrassed," he said. Slowly he pulled the blanket back and she winced from the pain as she shifted positions on the bed. He wanted her to trust him, so he spoke quietly to hide the possessiveness in his voice. He felt proud about the night before and wanted to have a go again, so he was willing to do anything to help her if she would please him again.

"Mhhhh," she cringed and almost cried as Munk begun to gently wipe away the blood, hesitent to be touched. She hurt pretty bad, and felt very self conscious, biting her lip was all she could do to keep from crying as the tabby dabbed away the blood.

Munk sighed and took her hand as he cleaned the blood from her inner legs. "Yikes, I hope I didn't hurt you, you know... like... was last night good for you too?" He wanted her to think he was inexperienced and shy, as he put on this innocent boy act.

She looked at him shyly, "it was... it was great. You were great, I'm just sore." She said this hesitently, almost ashamed to say that she had enjoyed it despite the pain. "Ow," she gasped, but suddenly her attention was taken away from the silver tom and she stared fixedly at the small maned figure standing in the doorway.

"Munks..." asked the gaping little tom, as he stared with his mouth open at the two cats in bed. "What's she doing here?" He looked frightened and shocked as he stood there, his brother slowly getting up and putting down the towels.

Munkustrap glared at his brother angrilly, furious he had inturrupted right when he was going to put the moves on Angel again. Angel was too embarrassed to move, she couldn't believe they had just been walked in on, like in a bad soap opera. She covered her face, completely flustered, as she slowly sat up.

"Tugger," growled Munkus, as he walked quickly toward his frightened brother. He grabbed Tugger roughly and pushed him out the door, not noticing as Angel got up and followed behind him. He shut the door behind him, not wanting Angel to see or hear this, unaware that she had pressed her ear to the door and was listening. He was so furious with his brother he wanted to beat him silly, as Tugger coward under Munk's rage.

Angel held her breath as she nervously listened at the door, afraid of what Munk might do to the poor little tom.

Tugger tried to look around Munk at the door, wanting to know what was going on. "Why's she here? I heard you two making a lot of noise last night... and was that blood? What did you do to her?" he asked, his niavity of the situation freaking him out.

Munkus leaned down close to his brother and grabbed him by the fur on his chest. He had hate in his eyes and Tugger could almost feel the rage radiating off of him as he tried to look away. "You wanna know what I did to her?" he asked, his voice as cold as ice. "I made a queen out of her."

He then roughly threw the still confused and meek tom back on the floor, and strutted back to the door. He felt arrogant as he opened it and walked in, expecting his queen to be waiting to please, but his mouth hung open in shock as his eyes were met by nothing but an empty room and an open window.

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><p><strong>So whatch'yall think? I know it seems silly, but even I'm a little offended by what Munk said.<strong>

**Please review! I absolutely love creative criticism.**

**P.S. Sorry again if you think I need to tone down the feminist stuff, I just write how I feel!**


	8. A caring friend

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warning: mention of rape and alcohol, although really I'm just putting this warning here to avoid complaining, because it's only mentioned in one part and really it should be expected in a story like this.**

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><p>Angel clutched herself tightly as she walked through the junkyard, heartbreak written all over her face. She was furious and distraught, but more than anything she was scared. "<em>I can't believe he would say that... damn... I was wrong, I was dead wrong..."<em> This echoed through her head as she searched for a place to curl up and hide, disgust for the situation engulfing her completely.

She passed by piles of junk, hoping she wouldn't be seen as she wandered aimlessly through the 'yard. Most cats were still asleep, so there didn't seem to be any about, but she still kept hidden out of fear of what they would say. She didn't know where to go or what to do. She had been wrong, the horrible truth gripping her as she realized she had given this lying, coniving, womanizer the only innocence she had. She stayed low, afraid to be seen, feeling as though anyone could see right through her.

_"I can't go home... I can't face my dad," _she thought, realizing what her dad would say when she got home. She couldn't leave and she couldn't stay, as she looked desperately around the junkyard, she felt as though she belonged nowhere. _"I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid I ought to be dead!"_

Eventually she found herself curled up in a little ball, leaning against on overturned fridge, sobbing as the hopelessness came on.

Angel didn't know how long she just sat there, back against the fridge, wanting to hide from the world. She hated herself, she couldn't believe she would be so niave, and she was afraid now that every tom she met would be like that toward her. That she was just an object to be used and tossed aside, that was all she saw for herself. She wanted to sink into a hole where she wouldn't have to see anybody ever again, since she couldn't show her face to anybody at her church anymore. _"If I go home, my dad will use me as a bad example..."_ But suddenly her thoughts were cut off by the sight of another queen peering around the fridge. "Hey, aren't you that queen we've seen with Munkustrap?"

Immediately Angel's eyes filled with terror because she had been recognized, and she quickly started to scramble back, falling down on her elbows and looking up at the queen that approached. She looked up at the abyssinian, shocked and surprised that she saw a look of concern in her deep blue eyes. She tried to back up again, but Cassandra smiled kindly and offered her a hand, and finally Angel stopped trying to get away.

"Aren't you the queen we've seen with Munkus all week?" she said again, still offering her hand.

Angel breathlessly nodded as she took the hand and slowly got to her feet, unable to take her eyes off the queen who seemed to want to help her.

"What's you name, hun?" she asked, trying to sound as sweet as she could, realizing that Munk had hurt her.

"Angel..." she managed, still scared and confused on what to do. "Who are you?"

"I'm Cassandra, I noticed you here, and you looked upset. Want to talk about? We can go somewhere private," she offered, understanding how Angel must have felt. She had been through something similar with Munk, so she realized what had happened as soon as she saw the look on Angel's face.

"Okay," she said shyly, not knowing what else to do.

Cassandra held her hand as she led her back to her den, wanting her to know that she was there for her. Angel didn't know what else to do, she was scared and alone, so she followed the strange queen back to her den.

When they got there, they went inside and Angel saw that it was warm and bright inside, as Cassy led her to a soft cushion for her to sit on.

"It's okay hun, nobody's going to look for you here. You can relax," she said, pulling out a shawl and putting it around her. "Can I get you anything? I could make us some hot chocolate."

Angel barely registered her offer as she nodded, a deep sense of numbness overwhelming her being.

Cassy went and puttered about in the kitchen, imerging a few minutes later with two full mugs of hot chocolate. But as she stepped back into the den, she saw that Angel had curled up in a little ball once again, and was muttering to herself.

Angel looked up at Cassy as she came back into the room, narrowing her eyes and saying barely above a whisper. "He lied to me... I knew it as soon as a saw him rough handle his brother... And do you know what he said? He said... he said..." she couldn't get the words out, as Cassy came up and put a hand on her knee.

"It's okay, you don't have to say it, he's horrible. A few years ago he did something similar to me."

Angel looked up at Cassy, on the brink of tears. "What happened?" she asked timidly, almost afraid to find out.

"He got me drunk," said Cassy, letting out a sigh as she said it. She handed Angel her mug of hot chocolate and shook her head sickenedly, the memory still haunting her.

Angel's eyes went wide at this, horrified. "He got you drunk?" she stammered, unable to believe that any tom would do something like that to this queen, this queen who was offering her help and didn't even know her.

"Yeah," she swallowed, biting her lip. "He got me drunk and date raped me."

Angel stared off into space, all the harsh realizations hitting her like a kick in the guts. "He said to his brother that he made a queen out of me," she said, looking off into nothing.

Cassy didn't respond, she didn't expect anything less from Munkustrap, but then Angel continued...

"I can't go home, my dad will just rub it in my face," she said hopelessly. "He and I had a huge fight before I left, he's not going to take me back in."

Cassy put her arm around her in a half hug, "it'll be okay," she whispered. She got up and helped Angel to her feet once again, helping her to keep the shawl on as she stood up. "Listen, you can stay here and lay low for a few days until you know what to do, I don't have a den mate, my last one moved out. How's that sound?" she asked, hoping Angel would accept the offer.

"Thank you," stammered Angel, touched by this strange queen's generousity. "Thank you so much," and without even realizing it she fell into a hug, almost spilling her hot chocolate.

"It's fine, it'll be okay," soothed Cassy, holding the hurting queen tightly, wanting her to know that she had a friend she could now rely on.

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><p><strong>People, this chapter is the calm before the storm, I'm warning you. This story is going to be disgusting, emotionally scarring, sick, brutally realistic, offensive, and down right repulsive. <strong>

**You've been warned! **


	9. Falling again

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warning: language, mild violence, refferences to rape and other sexual encounters, drugs, and smoking! Can't handle, then don't read!**

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><p>Munkus laid back against a tire, breathing in the cool air with half closed eyes as he lifted his hand to take another long drag from his cigarette.<p>

_"where could she be?" _he thought, looking up at the darkening sky. "Where are you," he whispered to himself, blowing the smoke out of his mouth as he spoke. The stacks of tires surrounding him cast long shadows as the sun went down, only adding to his gloomy mood.

He felt the wind blowing through his fur as he sighed and put what was left of his cigarette out, figuring there was no point.

He hadn't seen Angel in two months, but she was all that he thought of, he couldn't even get his mind off of her when he slept with another queen.

It wasn't that he regreted saying what he said, it was that he had wanted to "help" her, had wanted to show her how to enjoy life. She was literally his idea of sexual perfection, now no other queen could even compare, and somehow all the restraints she had put on herself just made her more alluring. It was like she was the forbidden fruit, and the only one who had told him not to go for it was her, as she taunted him, still drawing him close. "I want you back," he murmured, trying to find her face among the clouds and stars that seemed to draw closer each second as night came on.

But she hadn't wanted what he offered, not really. She was confused and scared, and so she projected her ideas of love onto someone she thought had needed her.

Munkus broodingly gripped his knee, squeezing it tightly as he thought about looking for her. He would have looked for her sooner, if he hadn't been stoned most of the time.

"You're still hung up on that church chick?" asked a voice from behind him, making him look up to see Asparagus Jr. staring down at him from on top of one the high tires.

"what do you want?" he asked, annoyed with his friend. He ground his cigarette into the ground more as he looked up at him in frustration, at his stupid friend's mocking face.

"Well, I heard you saying you want her back, what if I told you I might know something about her whereabouts?" he asked, in a taunting voice, and then lept down and sat right in front of Munkustrap.

Munkus narrowed his eyes at his friend, furious that he would joke around like this. His whole body tensed up, and he sat up and looked his friend straight in the eye. "Where is she?" he growled, holding a claw up to the other cat's throat.

Asparagus Jr.'s eyes went wide, and he let out a forced chuckle.

* * *

><p>Angel cried as she stood haunched over, Cassy's arms supporting her as she puked into the sink. She grabbed the side of the counter with her hands and tried to push Cassy away, trembling as she tried to retch up the last of the liquid in her throat that burned and was making her choke.<p>

"Easy..." soothed Cassy, patting her on the back as she continued to throw up, spitting to try to get the taste out of her mouth. "I'm sorry," she cried, not even turning to look at the queen that stood there comforting her. For a moment she just looked down into the sink at her own vomit, sickened at the color and just how much there was, unable to believe that that much liquid could come out of any cat. "I'm sorry," she sobbed again, and then took a small sip of water.

"Don't be sorry," said Cassandra, pulling her into a hug. She held her tight, wanting her to know she was okay, that she was there for her. After a minute she let go, still holding Angel's shoulders and looking at her with worry in her eyes. She was extremely worried about her friend, hoping that maybe now she could get through to her.

She knew Angel was pregnant, Angel just didn't want to believe it, and kept denying it. Even when she had missed her period, twice, she had insisted it was just some kind of hormonal change due to having sex for the first time. Cassy had begged Angel to take a pregnancy test, had begged her to see a vet, anything, but Angel was just too scared and in too much denial.

"Angel," she said softly, trying to sound gentle. "Listen... I know you don't think you need to..." her voice trailed off, she knew this was a sensitive topic for her friend.

"What is it?" asked Angel, looking off into nothing, her eyes half closed from weariness.

"I went and got a pregnancy test," she said, to which Angel looked up at her sadly, wishing she hadn't. "If you don't think you're pregnant, than this will be proof for me, so I'll stop worrying."

Angel let out a breath as she nodded, wanting to say something as the words wouldn't come. She closed her eyes sadly as Cassy ran and got the test, closing her hand around it as she handed it to her.

"Cassy," she said, as she sullenly walked over to the bathroom. But as Cassy turned to look at her, Angel just shook her head and said nothing as she opened the door, still clutching the test in her hand as she went in and quietly shut it behind her.

Cassandra sat back on her favorite chair, holding her face with her hands as she waited. She felt cold waves of worry for her friend wash over her as she could barely comprehend how scared Angel was. She only waited about a minute, but it felt like an hour, as she sat there with nothing to do but drum her nails on her forehead, resting her chin in her palms, her heart sinking as she at the thought of how Angel must feel.

When Angel came out of the bathroom, she leaned in the doorway and could barely look at the abyssinian. She didn't say anything, she just closed her eyes and nodded her head, her silence saying everything. She held out her hand and slowly walked over to her friend Cassy, placing the pregnancy test in her hand and keeping her head turned down toward the floor.

"I'm gonna have kittens," she said, placing a hand on her stomach and blinking away tears.

Cassy was about to say something comforting, but suddenly there was a knock at the door, making both the queens jump. This was absolutely the worst timing possible. Angel looked frightenedly at the door, she didn't want anyone to know she was hiding here, and was terrified that whoever it was might be able to tell she was pregnant.

"Cassy..." she whispered, looking up at her frightenedly.

"It's alright, I know you don't want to be seen, it'll be okay. Just go hide," she said, sending her out of the room.

Angel scurried over to the bathroom and went inside and hid, putting her ear to the door out of curiosity of who it could be.

Cassy took a deep breath and opened the door slightly, looking around to see who it was. "Munkus," she whispered, her eyes going wide at the sight of the tabby. Without a word she tried to slam the door but she was too late as he put his hand in the door to keep her from shutting it.

"Hey, Cass..." he said, opening the door more despite Cassy trying to slam it, pushing her back to the wall. He took a few steps into the den, looking around at it, noticing two sets of dinner plates on the table, extra pillows, and other hints that another cat had been living there. "We haven't seen you around the 'yard lately... so, what's been up?"

"Get out," she said, stepping in front of Munkus and spreading her arms wide, blocking him from going any further.

Munkus looked at the determined queen in front of him, and raised an eyebrow at her protector stance, thinking it funny. "You know it's hard to hide things in this junkyard, and if you're trying to hide someone, it's best not to let them near windows," he said, gesturing to her windows, the curtains easily seen through. "Where is she?" he asked, using the friendliest voice he possibly could, Angel hearing him from the other side of the bathroom door, surprised he sounded so, caring...

Cassy looked at the tabby, disgusted, remembering how he had taken advantage of her. "You're despicable," she spat, and without thinking she thrust the pregnancy test into his hands.

Munk's jar dropped as he looked at the test, confused. "What's the pink stripe mean?" he asked, to which he suddenly got a slap in the face. It was sharp and Cassy caught him with her claws, showing her teeth and glaring at him as she pulled her hand back.

"Ahhh," he groaned, holding his face and looking up at Cassy, wondering what had gotten into her. "What'cha do that for?"

Cassy looked at her claws, seeing the drops of blood on them, wanting him to be intimediated by the queen he had once taken advantage of. "You bastard," she whispered, brandishing her claws. "You son of a bitch. You are lower than any pervert, what you did. You called me a whore after you date raped me, and I've been too afraid to go out since. And now you've hurt another queen, and you've gotten her pregnant, how can you even stand to look in the mirror. You're nothing but a..."

Angel couldn't believe what she was hearing, it didn't seem possible, what was taking place in the next room. _"She's standing up to him, but he's the father of my kittens!"_ she thought, sinking to her knees and looking down at herself, completely freaked out. Part of her couldn't even believe she was pregnant, since she had been denying it for so many weeks. She pressed her ear to the door again, and then taking a breath, opened it slightly, peaking through the crack in the door with one eye.

"I didn't even know a queen could get pregnant her first time! How was I supposed to know it could happen after only one night?" he asked, looking at Cassandra with a shocked, scared expression on his face. For some reason, seeing this made Angel pity him again. She knew she shouldn't feel sorry for him, but in a way she felt like anyone could take advantage of her now, and maybe he wasn't so bad. She was completely wrong, but she thought that in a way it was her fault that he had even wanted her, and that she owed him. And in some ways she felt that anybody who was so easily fooled deserved to be used like she was. He could manipulate her without even talking to her...

"Munkus," came her voice as she opened the door, both cats turning and looking at her, staring stupidly as she came out and faced them. She closed the door behind her and walked over to Munkustrap, feeling guilty she had left him.

"Angel, what are you doing?" asked Cassy, trying to put her hand between her and Munks. "He's full of shit and lies, and you know it."

"I don't need you to protect me," she said, to which her friend straightened up and looked at her indignantly. There was a cold silence between them, as it sunk into Angel what she had said. but then she turned back to Munkus, ignoring Cassy's eyes as they burned into her.

"Munks, help me, I don't know what to do. I mean, I really couldn't go home before, but now..." her voice trailed off, fear gripping her.

"Shhh," he whispered, "I know what to do, come with me. We'll take care of this."

She had no idea of what he had in mind, but she dared to get her hopes up that he meant adoption, and she almost smiled as he put his arm around her shoulder. A sickening feeling of security, that she would never be alone settled on her, sickening in that she was willing to believe what he said. "You can trust me," he whispered in her ear, to which she complaisently nodded her head. "It'll be okay."

"Don't trust him," said Cassandra seriously, grabbing Angel's hand, trying to pull her away from Munkus. "He's nothing but a stoner!

But Angel pulled her hand away from Cassandra and looked up at Munkus, feeling his strong arms wrapped around her body and seeing the blood on his face from where Cassy had scratched him. She put her hands on his shoulders and stood on her toes so she could reach his face, and gently licked the blood off, turning back to Cassandra with a sorry look on her face. A little bit of his blood stayed on her lip, catching Cassy's eye, and for a moment there was a haunting silence as the abyssinian stared at this.

"I have to, I don't know what else to do," she mouthed, trembling once again with fear as Munkus nuzzled her and led her to the door.

"Don't go with him," she begged, knowing Munk didn't have her best interests in mind. She tried to pull her away, but Munk pushed her back into the wall again, making her slam into it hard.

"Get me out of here, Munkus," said Angel bitterly, now completely under his influence, and before Cassandra knew it, Munkus and Angel were out the door.

She had wanted to protect her, wanted to help her since no one had been there for her when Munk had hurt her. She didn't have any friends, and she and Angel had become so close, she couldn't believe that the queen she had taken in was just gone, just like that.

She reached up and gripped her shoulders, falling to her knees in pain. "ahhh," she moaned, realizing it hurt just to move her arms from hitting the wall so hard. "Oh CAT, don't let him hurt her," she prayed, distraughtly, overcome with the pain that was now raking through her and the fear of what would happen to Angel now.

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><p><strong>So whatcha'll think? Well written? Realistic? I love hearing yalls' opinions!<strong>

**P.S. in the next chapter, you're going to see what Grizabella is doing with her life, so I hope you're all looking forward to it! It's horrible, actually...**


	10. Grizabella the glamour cat

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warning: mild language, refferences to drugs and prostitution, and some dark imagery.**

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><p>Angel obediantly followed Munkus through the streets of London, keeping one hand on her stomach as she wondered what was gonna happen.<p>

Munkus wasn't saying anything, he seemed alert and nervous about where they were, keeping one arm around Angel's shoulders as he led her through a dangerous neighborhood. He looked back and fourth as they went, not wanting to be seen where they were going.

Angel was scared out of her mind, and felt strangely afraid in Munk's presence yet still even more afraid to leave him, since she didn't know what to do. It was a cold night and there were no stars in the sky, as if beauty couldn't exist where they were going.

The air was rank with the smell of unwashed ally cats and rotting garbage from the dumpsters, and the dark outlines of the building they passed seemed forboding as they appeared to blend in with the dark sky.

It felt as if the the pavement was radiating the cold air, and the night seemed so menacing that even the toughest cats didn't usually go into this place at night unless they had to.

There was no real life in this place, it was the sort of neighborhood where nobody walked alone and nobody would notice if you came up missing. A place where shootings and drug wars were a fact of life and empty buildings were any crack head's fare game.

There wasn't a light on in any of the buildings they passed, not a tree or flower planted, and the cars looked as though the only thing holding them together was the rust. Absenities were strewn across the buildings in bold gaffiti letters, and gutters were full of trash bags, and the twists and turns the roads made it easy to get lost.

The exhaustion from walking across town was wearing Angel down, and the wind chilled her to the bone. Her breath was heavy and she felt her heart pounding in her chest, as she looked up and down the unfamiliar, dark streets. But the worst was the fear of what might happen, how she was going to deal with everything that had been thrown at her suddenly like a slap in the face._ "I have no way to raise kittens! Munkus and I aren't even adults, and he doesn't have a job..."_ all these thoughts rushed through her mind in this panicked state, adding to the fear that already gripped her just from being in this place. She just wanted to lay down and rest someplace warm, walking like this beginning to get to her.

"Munkus," she whispered timidly, looking up at her protector with pleading eyes. "Where are we going?"

"Hm? Oh, we're going to stay with a relative of mine. Don't worry, she'll help us get this sorted out," he said, speaking to her in a calm voice, which almost sounded alien in this place.

"Kay..." breathed Angel, to tired to speak much. Her eyelids felt so heavy it was torture to keep walking, but she trudged on down the pavement with Munkus, hoping he would find them a place to stay the night.

Every little noise, the wind, every shadow and unfamiliar sight or smell sent waves of fear through Angel's whole being. She kept her arms wrapped around her stomach protectively, as if that would protect her unborn litter from any vagabond or miscriant she was afraid would pop out at every ally they passed.

It was nerve racking, as they went by street lamps that aluminated dreary allys, buildings in disrepair and thugish looking cats. There were buildings with boarded up windows, overturned garbage cans and the ever present sense that they were being watched.

They could see their breath in the cold night air, and the silence repeatedly inturrupted by unnamed sounds kept them constantly vigilent. Papers blew past their feet in the cold wind, making Angel jump as one blew into her leg, thinking it was some unimagined, disgusting thing you would find in a place like this.

It seemed they had been walking for hours, Angel was cold and tired and sore, but after what seemed like a walk through a nightmare, Munk finally pulled Angel behind a dark, brick building. It seemed obandoned but he looked back and fourth nervously, Angel keeping low. Her teeth chattered and she held herself out of fear as she watched Munks survey the area, checking to make sure they were alone.

Munk was checking to make sure this was the right place, he thought back to the address he had been given and looked up at the one above the door, and then looked back down at Angel, who was huddling up against him. There was garbage littered around the door, and a smell of the different illegal things that went on inside hung around the bared windows and wafted through the door.

Angel was so tired she didn't even try to ask where they were, she just wanted to lay down and get some sleep.

Munk was for the first time afraid, if this was a lab, they could be skinned alive for walking in on it. He took a deep breath of the dank air and finally got up the courage to knock, panic racing through him as he beat the door with his fist before pulling back quickly. He stared up at the door with wide eyes and scratched the pavement with his claws nervously as they waited.

After a moment the door opened slightly, and a small queen with suspicious eyes looked swiftly back and fourth as she stuck her head out before resting them on the two cats that stood there waiting. She half smirked seeing the tabby and opened the door more, raising an eyebrow when Angel burried her face into Munk's fur. "You Munkus?" she asked, with a skanky voice.

"Yeah, is the theater queen here? We need a place to stay, and... we need help," he said, looking up at the cat who was obviously a whore.

"Sure, she's here, come in," she said, opening the door more and chuckling as Angel coward as she was led forward.

Angel was terrified as she followed Munkus into the dark building, as she felt the eyes of the laughing queen watching her with a sense of humor. The building was old and the paint and paper was peeling off the walls. The floor creaked under their feet and the hallways seemed endless, as the passed doors on each side, hiding the activities of other retches making a living. It smelled of mold and sweaty bodies and marajuana and a thousand other unnamed things, breathed in by Angel and coating the inside of her mouth so that she couldn't get the scent out of her head.

They passed pictures hanging crooked and holes in the walls, until the queen who led them pointed to a winding metal staircase that went around to every floor of the building. "She's on the fourth floor, third door down to your left," said the queen, before she gave another irritating little giggle. "Hope she'll help you." And with that the young queen skipped down the hall in a mock delighted way, taunting Munkus and Angel by acting insane. In fact, Munkus suspected she was on something.

Angel felt so weary as she walked up the stairs with Munkus, cringing slightly at the cold metal under her feet and the dizziness when she looked down at the staircase below her.

When they got to the fourth floor they found that the hallway before them was as dreary as the one below, if not slightly more so. There was a molded rug under their feet, but Angel was too tired to notice most of the things that would have normally freaked her out or made her squeamish, instead hoping that she would finally be able to rest.

When they found the right door, Munkus knocked, looking so nervous that even the worn out queen with him noticed, confused, but then the door opened.

"Munkus? Is that you?" asked a voice from inside the dark room, a sound of awe and surprise obvious in the way she asked. But despite her knowing who it was, the cat stayed in the shadows where they could only see her outline.

"Yeah, it's me. Listen, I need help. Can we come it?" he asked, grinning oddly as the door opened more without even a word. The silence between the cats felt strange but went by unnnoticed by Angel, too tired to register anything.

The room was dark say for a lamp on in the corner, revealing a small room with scattered furniture and another room adjoining to it. The strange queen didn't say anything as she watched the tabby leading Angel through the door, she just looked at them both thoughtfully. _"After all these years..."_ she thought, watching her son.

Angel quietly followed as Munkus led her through the room, not noticing anything until he helped her down onto a comfortable couch and she felt herself sink into it. Suddenly for a brief moment the world was as it should have been, and she could finally rest.

But then without warning their strange turned up the light lamp and moved the shade to the side, brightening the room suddenly and bringing Angel back from the brink of sleep. Her eyes opened wide and she looked up at Munks, the light giving her a headache and burning her eyes, keeping her from sleep.

"Angel," whispered Munkus, close to her ear, I'd like for you to meet someone." Angel looked up at the older queen, unsure of whether she had ever seen her before.

The queen was tall and had a slim figure, her head fur longer than most cats and loosely curled. Her coat was silvery and came up in a collar that only added to her stature, and her blue eyes stood out against her face. She stood as if on a pedestal, and her face seemed elegant and almost royal.

But despite all these attributes, she had a tired look about her, as if she were somehow trying too hard to keep her beauty. She was like a fading rose. It was something about the way she kept her stomach constantly sucked in as she tried not to breathe, about her makeup and the ribbons around her ears, about the way she carried herself.

But still she was haunting, mysterious in that she took everyone's breath away just by her presence. She was, Grizabella, the Glamour Cat.

"This," said Munkus, as the queen straightened herself up, "is my mother, Grizabella."

Angel wanted to say something, but just couldn't find the words. She didn't know whether to start with 'thank you for the place to stay,' or 'I've heard so much about you.' So instead of saying anything, the shocked queen stared stupidly, making Munkus feel awkward and uncomfortable.

After a minute, the glamour cat smiled in a sassy way, as if teasing Angel slightly. "So you're another speechless fan, are you?"

"Oh, Griz," muttered Munkus, gripping his face.

"Hey, I was just asking," she said, putting her hand on her hips. "And it's Bella, it means beautiful."

"Well, Bella, you don't have any fans left, most are too embarrassed to say they ever liked you. And this is what you're left to. Your life has amounted to shit." His harsh words seemed to cut through the air, but Grizabella didn't even flinch.

"That's what you think. But guess who got the spot as aria at the Mozart Memorial Opera? That's right, my position as manager here is only temporary, I've got a signed contract and everything. I'm back in the big time."

"Really," said Munks in disbelief, and then looked over at Angel and saw the exhaustion in her eyes as she struggled to keep them open. "From a bordello to the opera. eh?"

"That's right, and I'm also doing a series of cat food commercials soon, we're going to start filming the first one next month," she said, holding herself in a way that showed pride, as if there was any if cat food adds. "But enough about me," she continued, as her eyes fell on Angel again. "Who's this? I heard you call her Angel."

"Well, mother, we should really talk about this in the other room, so we don't keep my queenfriend up," he said, moving the lampshade and darkening the room again. He said this as if he were hiding something, and Angel suspected it had to do with her being pregnant and him being embarrassed.

Grizabella nodded and led her son to the door that led into her bedroom, turning out the lamp there in the den and closing the door behind her.

Angel wearily rested a hand on her stomach as her eyes closed, still unsure of what would happen. Her ears twitched as she heard the sound of Munkus talking to his mother in the next room, and even picking up a word here and there.

"Yeah, we can make arrangements," she heard Grizabella say from the next room, but she was too tired to wonder what she meant, and was soon fast asleep.

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><p><strong>I'd just like to apologize that I'm drawing this out so much, one of the things I'm attempting with this story is making it long and drawn out so that you're pulled into the long, drawn out agony of the characters.<strong>


	11. Forcing her

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warning: controversial, although if I said why that would spoil it, also, some mild swearing and some disgusting imagery, as well as extremely emotional.**

**I would just like to thank loveydovey14, you saying that means a lot to me! You're awsome.**

**Oh, and Soleta, for the record, this is supposed to be the backstory on Munkustrap and a few of the other characters. And anyway, most fanfics don't have that much to do with the original story. I'm trying to show what Munk was like before he became the Munkustrap we all know and love, what Grizabella was up to during her time away from the tribe, and even a little bit on how Tugger became the way he is. **

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><p>The sunlight hit Angel's face through the dirty window, waking her up. The musty smell of old furniture filled her lungs and coated her mouth as she yawned; and it felt as though the happy dream she had been having faded instantly and now she was in a strange place. She was totally out of her element, in every way, a foreigner, and she knew nothing of the ways here.<p>

She looked up at the torn furniture and dirty carpet, and a sickened feeling overcame her at the thought of what was alive and crawling in it. The couch smelled of dry-rot and the springs pushed up against her back uncomfortably.

There was dust hanging in the air, only visible in the sunlight, and the air felt dry and choking. The room seemed stuffy, despite the sparse furniture, and without moving Angel scanned it with her eyes for any signs of Munkus or anyone.

Slowly she sat up, all the memories of the night before washing over her with regret. And then she remembered the kittens, and wondered what would happen to them when they were born. She wanted to love the kittens, but was too worried to even think straight. She put a hand over her flat stomach, looking down at herself scared, as if staring at the end of her life. _"But it's new life..."_ she thought, when suddenly the door opened and Grizabella came in, looking at her with slightly raised eyebrows.

"So you're awake," she said, coming further into the room as Angel stood up, facing her timidly. The glamour cat seemed to stand out against the room, as if she too didn't belong here. "We need to discuss something." She said this flatly, but then she noticed that Angel was looking around her at the door, her question plain on her face. Grizabella tried not to laugh so instead half smiled and added, "Munkus will be back in here in a few minutes."

Angel wrapped her arms around herself and looked around nervously, trying to find something to say. "Thanks... f-for letting me and Munkus spend the night," she stammered, feeling stupid.

Grizabella once again raised an eyebrow and came a few steps closer to Angel, opening a drawer and searching through it, occasionally glancing at Angel as she rummaged through it.

"It isn't just a place to stay you need," she said seriously, pulling out a box of cigarettes and a match, very elaborately lighting up and holding the cigarette gracefully in her hand. She turned around and leaned back against the counter, and gave Angel a cynical look as she took a drag. She knocked the ashes off and then got up and approached Angel, blowing the smoke as she spoke. "You're in a shit load of trouble, and you need my help."

Angel stood there intimidated as Grizabella begun to circle her, as if inspecting a horse she was planning to buy. Eyes piercing through her, the eyes of the fallen glamour cat, looking at her up and down, but her gaze always coming to rest on her stomach.

Angel tried to shrink back as the silver queen walked behind her, taking a drag with half closed eyes as if elegantly proclaiming her power over a life. She blew the smoke in Angel's face as she came around her, wanting her to know that this was very serious, that the life she was heading towards wasn't a game, but Angel was clueless as she watched her.

Grizabella batted her eye lashes and turned her head to the side, playing a mind game that Angel was caught in without understanding the rules. She was trying to intimidate her, teasing her for her own sick pleasure; she flicked the ash off the end of her cigarette again, trying to keep moving to hold Angel's attention, proving that the glamour cat could still capture the minds of others.

But her game was inturrupted when suddenly the door opened and Angel turned and saw Munkus coming through it, and Grizabella smiled as she leaned back against the counter again and took another drag.

"Good morning Angel," said Munkus gently, pulling her close and putting his arms around her. He let her go and Angel stared at him, confused that he would greet her like that. She uncomfortably shifted back and fourth, wondering why Munk had suddenly decided he wanted to hold her.

"Angel..." he murmured in her ear, "we need to talk." There was a hint of possessiveness in his voice, as if he intended to not talk, but just to have her listen.

Angel saw his eyes straying repeatedly toward her stomach, and she was filled with fear of what she didn't want to think he was going to suggest.

Munk reached out a shaking hand, slowly placing over her flat belly and biting his lips as if trying to hold in his harsh news. "Listen..." he whispered, looking into her eyes with all the innocence and genuiness he could fake. "There's a guy coming... who can take care of this..."

"You mean..." Angel started to shake all over, looking up at him with eyes wide with fear.

Munk let out a breath, trying to make it seem hard for even him to say. "Angel, I know that... abortion, is the last thing you would consider, but you and I both know that we can't be parents."

Angel found she couldn't close her mouth, her lips trembling and a clamy feeling overcoming her at the thought. "Munkus..." she tried to protest, but the words just couldn't come out, but then she was struck with a thought. "What about adoption?"

"Do you really want to go through with that?" asked the tabby, trying to seem earnest. "Do you really want to endure a pregnancy and birth, just to give the kittens up to another cat?"

Angel couldn't argue it, because she didn't want to endure that, but the thought of killing her unborn kittens. Ending new lives before they even start...

"Angel, send them back to the Heaviside Layer," saying it like this softened the blow, Munkus knew it would.

A cold feeling begun to settle upon Angel, but Munk's arms were around her, she had his shoulder to cry on, had his words of comfort. "It'll be okay," she heard him whisper, gently patting her on the back. She wanted to pull away, wanted to say no, that she could never do this. She wanted to hold and love these kittens that were inside her, wanted to see if maybe her dad would help her, whether or not she could raise them. She put a hand on her stomach, wishing to bond with the kittens just through this touch, but she was unable to stop the tears from coming, and within a minute she was literally bawling.

Munkus stepped back and let Angel fall down onto the couch, laying on her side. Her face pressed against the rough material of the couch and the bitter taste of tears burning the sides of her mouth. Her sobs were heart wrenching, as she produced sounds that no dignified queen would ever make in public. She clawed into the couch, having completely lost it; Munkus turned to his mother helplessly, but she looked on in a stoic way, as if to say _"they all react this way their first time."_

"Angel," said Munks, trying to get the crying queen to look up at him.

"You're not taking my kittens away from me you bastard!" she shot at him, her face so contorted from anguish she looked like a completely different cat. She sobbed into the couch, gripping herself tightly, she may have not known what to do, but she didn't care what Munk said anymore, she wasn't going to do it.

Munk watched the anguished queen shaking from raw sorrow, feeling as though there was a lump in his throat. He didn't want to get emotional, this was hard enough for her, he just wanted to get this done. He looked at Grizabella again, narrowing his brow and nodding to her, and she hurried out of the room, going to make the preperations.

He tried to hold all his emotions back as he approached Angel, forcing himself to not think of what he was about to do. He couldn't allow himself to feel for the kittens the way Angel did, otherwise he couldn't do this, and he thought this was the only way.

His emotions had turned to ice as he reached down and tried to picked up Angel, but she struggled to get away.

"Let go of me!" she yelled, as he held her wrists together. She tried to pull away, but Munk was too strong. His fist was like iron, as she tried to kick and bite, not willing to go without a fight.

Munk hated himself as it all played out before his eyes, like another cat was doing this and not him. As he tightly gripped her wrists and spun her around, her pleading screams wringing in his ears.

For a moment she almsot got away, but he made a lunge and grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling her close. He tried not to hurt her, just wanting to hold her firmly enough to make her go with him. But she tried to bite him as he lifted her up, and tried to pull away as he attempted to get her over his shoulder.

So he grabbed the back of her head and didn't let go, holding her body with the ungiving grip of a surgical clamp. She dug her claws into him angrilly, still yelling and shreaking for him to let her go. He heard his own heart beating in his ears, and flashes of fear for her almost overwhelmed him, but he swallowed them back and ran out of the room, carrying the struggling queen in his arms.

"No, you're not doing this to me!" she yelled, as he carried her down the spiraling staircase. Munk felt sick to his stomach every time she begged with him, wishing she could understand that he was doing this for her, at least from his perspective. Her claws cut into him, but he didn't care, didn't yell at the pain. But despite his attempts to drown out emotions, before he knew it he was crying, his eyes stinging with tears.

He loathed himself for forcing her, as the queen tried to wrestle out of his grasp, wanting to save the lives of her unborn kits.

Other cats in the building heard her, but none stuck their heads out to see what was going on. They were used to hearing things like this, and figured they should leave well enought alone.

Munkus carried Angel down to the basement, even though she fought the whole way. He carried her down an old wooden staircase into a dark underground room, not releasing his grip on her.

The room was hot and it stank of rotting things and blood, the air suffocating. It didn't seem like there was anything set up, and it was so quiet that Angel's agonized screams seemed to cut into the air like a sword.

Munk looked around worried, wondering where his mother and the others were when a door on the other side of the room opened. The light that poured in seemed red and hellish, as Munk tightened his grip on the struggling queen, hurrying towards it.

In the room was an old dentist's chair, coated in a layer of who knows what. The room was just as stuffy as the one they were just in, if not worse. The stench was gagging and the lights were full of bugs. Next to the chair was a tray of syringes and bottles of medicines, most of them acquired illegally. Everything was sterilized with alcohol, made from a still at the other side of the room, also illegal. But when it comes to sterilization, at least they were trying.

Grizabella held the door for them, unsmiling out of shame of taking part in this, hoping that someday Angel might forgive her.

A brown tabby with a dull coat and cold silver eyes stood there, dipping his bare hands in a tub of the alcohol to clean them. He looked beaten up by life, but he tried to hide it by smiling coldly as the two came into the room.

"No, Munkus, I'm not getting rid of them, I've decided to go with adoption," sobbed Angel, almost out of breath, still trying to pull away from the tabby.

"Well, it looks like we've got a fighter," said the tom, who was going to perform the procedure, if you could even call it that under these conditions.

Munkus tightened his grip on Angel and looked at the tabby coldly, the tears in his eyes and the anger that surged from him shutting the older tom up. Munkus didn't want to do it this way, knowing this made him loathsome and disgusting, so he accepted every scratch and curse Angel hurled at him as he carried her over to the chair.

"You bastard murdurers!" yelled Angel, as Munkus dropped her on the chair and got on top of her, pinning her down. Tears stained her face as she struggled against Munk's weight on top of her, now looking up into his eyes

"Angel!" he yelled, tears streaming down his face, landing on her cheeks and joining her own. His eyes were filled with a fear for her, and the agony of having to put her through this. She looked up into his eyes and saw all his sorrow, but she still wasn't going to go through with this willingly.

"Hold her while I get a sedative to knock her out, although we usually only numb patients, in this case..." muttered the brown tabby absentmindedly, prepping a syringe.

Hearing this Angel tried even harder to throw Munkus off, but he held her firmly, his heart breaking for her sake. "Angel..." he said, choking back more tears and looking into her eyes deeply. "I love you." And with that he kissed her deeply, parting her lips and taking her breath away.

But Angel cried and broke the kiss as she felt a burning pain in her arm. She turned her head and saw the tom sticking a needle in her, giving her an injection of something that would have her out in seconds. Munkus quickly turned her face back toward him and kissed her again, transfering his feelings of grief to her as the drug took affect, and her breathing relaxed as she succomed to it.

Munkus looked down at the limp body underneath him, figuring he was going to be eternally punished for doing this to her. He slowly got off of her, trying to push away all emotions once again, but the tears still came in streams. He looked at Angel's unconscious body, sickened by what he knew was going to be done to her, and for a moment, he almost wanted to reach out and feel her belly, to know there was life in there.

But his yearnings were suddenly inturrupted when his mother put her hand on his shoulder, and he felt as though he couldn't stand to see Angel like this.

"You better not hurt her, or else I will slit your throat, you son of a bitch," he said, looking at the brown tabby coldly. These words hung in the air and sent chills through the old tom, he wasn't going to mess around with this.

Munk looked one last time at Angel, unconscious and unable to defend her unborn, before he turned with his mother and left the room.

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><p><strong>Sorry I didn't update sooner, this week has been so hard. I gave up fighting with my dad for lent, and I feel like I'm going to explode. Strangely though, writing made me feel better, so I guess this is like an outlet God gave me to keep me from going insane. Weird.<strong>

**By the way, I hope it doesn't seem like I'm pushing any kind of agenda, because I'm trying to simply use the characters to show two totally different perspectives as the story plays out. Considering that Munk is pretty much violating Angel's most basic rights to her own body, I'd bet both pro-life and pro-choice activists would agree that this is sick and wrong what he's making her do.**


	12. Depressions and Highs

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warning: explicit drug use, cursing, smoking, and controversial ideas and material. Tell me what you think!**

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><p>Everything was blury, voices distant and inaudible. Everything was moving slowly, the brim of consciousness so near, but the drowsiness and lethargy from the sedative wearing off was overwhelming.<p>

Slowly she became aware of her surroundings again, feeling as if she had always been exactly where she was. The rough material of the couch pressed against her face, a little drool seaping from her mouth and soaking into it. Her eyelids drooped and every little noise that rang through her head now was torture. Sometimes one of her muscles would twitch, as feeling came back and her vision begun to clear.

But as she became more cognitive, dull pains became more intense and the emotional numbness slowly faded away. It was like a sense of the whole broad spectrum, everything she was feeling, slowly coming back to her until she was conscious of it all.

Her chapped lips, shaking hands, the inability to even lift her head. She knew what had happened, the ideas of it and all the memories of the events from earlier that day replaying in her head like a wheel of torture. The soreness slowly gave way to pain, searing pain that made her shake but she was unable to scream, so she cried.

She clutched herself tightly with one arm and wimpered as she reached down with the other, feeling her stomach. She felt like she couldn't even breathe, the despair and angered taking hold and choking her. She couldn't even cry anymore, she was beyond that, her pregnancy had been terminated, against her will.

Her back was toward the door, and when she heard it opening, her ears went back defensively and her eyes narrowed. "Why Munk?" she asked, her words coming with a forced breath.

The tabby didn't say anything, he stood in the doorway with the question weighing down on him, unsure of the right thing to say.

"You didn't have the right to make me do that," she murmured, still feeling her stomach with one hand, sadly.

Munk wanted to say something in his defense, but he didn't know what it would take to console her, especially considering that he was upset as well. "I didn't want to... I just wasn't ready to be a father. I wish there was another way," he heard himself say, slowly coming further into the room, knowing it wasn't a very good excuse. "I did it because I love you, and wanted what's best for you."

Angel would have laughed into the couch if it wasn't for the pain she was in, so instead settled for a long uncomfortable silence, letting Munk's weak defense hang in the air.

"...Munk," she breathed, not even turning to face him. "You lied to me, so that I would fall for you. You got me pregnant,"-"well maybe you shouldn't have slept with me. After all, it wasn't like I forced you," he said coldly, trying to put her on the defensive.

"Well I told you to pull out," she spat back, clawing into the couch as she spoke. And then taking another breath she said with an ironic sigh, "and when I turn out pregnant, you're surprised, ha ha ha. And your solution is to drag me out to a bordello, and have me get an abortion, in horrible conditions, by a cat I never met before. Was he even licensed?"

The mock curiousity in her voice cut through Munk as he considered how he was going to answer. He slowly came closer to her and sat down only three feet away, trying to stall before he told her. "...he was licensed, once, but it was taken away from him a few years ago..." he said, gulping as he realized how bad this sounded.

"How'd he lose his liscense?" asked Angel with an empty voice.

"He... he took advantage of a patient," and then seeing how Angel tensed up at this, he added, "once. He took advantage of a patient, but only once."

"Of course, so you let a back-ally abortionist, who lost his license because he forced himself on a patient, perform an illegal abortion on me in the basement of a bordello. Again, against my will." Everything she said was more loaded and potent than anything said so far. Angel was even a little shocked herself that she had said all that, at the realization that all that had happened. She brought both hands down to her stomach and clutched herself protectively, wishing it hadn't been done. Her kittens were gone, just days before she didn't want to admit to herself that she was pregnant, and now they were gone.

Her mouth trembled a little as she thought about what would have happened if she had been allowed to have them. "I wanted those kittens," she murmured, "my dad would have helped me. Even if I would have had to give them up for adoption, I wanted to have them." Her dad was worried for her at home, and would have helped her, and she knew it. She knew her dad wouldn't have turned away his own daughter in such a crisis.

"Well, the good news," begun Munk, trying to cheer her up, "is that you can still have kittens. I mean, not all queens are able to have kittens after getting rid of a litter in this way, since the conditions weren't ideal and the job was less than standard, but apparently you're one of the lucky ones."

"But I wanted that litter... I cared about their lives, and you..." she said, her voice suddenly taking a darker tone. "I don't care what side of the abortion argument you're on, holding a queen down while she's being sedated... you have violated all of my most basic rights to my own body, and you know it." Her voice was filled with such anger and hurt, it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room, it took all of her will power to not lunged at Munk because of what he had done.

There was no arguing with this, she was right, and he had no excuse for forcing her. "Angel..." he stammered, wanting to console the heartbroken queen. "If you want to have a litter, I could help you..."

At this Angel sat up quickly and turned to him, but almost fell back from pain. Gasping as she held herself up on her elbows, she looked furiously at the tabby. "You bastard... how could you..." she couldn't even get the words out, and so she looked down at the dirty floor despairingly. "How many kittens were there?"

Munks looked down at the queen, unsure of how to phrase this. He felt cold all over, not wanting to think about this anymore. "Can't we just put this behind us?" he asked, hopefully. But his answer came with a hurt look from Angel, a look that made his stomach churn.

"Well..." he begun, "he said there were probably four." He didn't want to think about it, he wanted to remain impersonal to it, not consider all that this implied to the queen he had forced.

Angel begun to shake again, feeling just as violated as if she had been raped. She couldn't even look at Munk, since he had held her down, had forced her, had decided on this whether she liked it or not. She had always wanted to have four for her first litter...

"I don't know what they taught you about it at that church, but not everyone who performs abortions are horrible, they're not all like him," he said, trying to clear up any pre-concieved notions that she had.

"I know that, I know not even most of them are like him, but you left me alone with a cat who lost his license for raping a patient? Your brains aren't worth shit, Munkus, and you obviously don't give a f-ck about me or what I want."

If Munk hadn't seen Angel's lips move, he wouldn't have believed she had said this.

"Leave me the f-ck alone," she said, turning away from him. "You... you forced me; what did that guy even inject into me?" she asked, clawing at the couch again. She begun running her claws over the rough fabric, wanting to let out all the pain. Her jaw quivering, she found she physically couldn't even cry anymore, she was so dehydrated. Her breathing quickened and all the sadness consumed her, choking her for air.

Slowly, she curled up into a little ball, holding herself tightly and shaking all over. Despair overwhelmed her, as she coldly muttered, "get out of here Munk, I don't to see you again." And then she started clawing at her wrists, just wanting to feel anything other than the pain of having her litter taken from her. She didn't wince when she drew blood, didn't cry, she sighed in relief, because seeing her own blood helped her to forget.

To forget, to feel nothing, to not feel the pain and despair and anger that surged through her like fire. That was what she wanted, at this moment anything to feel nothing.

Munk watched the miserable queen clawing at her wrists, knowing she was in pain from this but trying to disconnect from it. He just wanted her to get over this, especially after she talked to him that way. He didn't want to think of it in terms of anything sentimental, and found he couldn't even look at Angel anymore. Without saying anything he got up and headed for the door, deciding she could cry alone. But as he opened the door, he found Grizabella waiting on the other side, so he stepped out and quietly shut it, wondering what was up.

"How is she?" asked Grizabella, looking around him at the door.

"She's being a bitch," said Munkus, "she doesn't get it, I did what was best for her."

Grizabella raised an eyebrow, and condescendingly shook her head, almost ashamed of her own son. "She's heartbroken, she didn't want to get rid of this litter, and I shouldn't have helped you. Now you go in there and comfort her, and apologize for forcing her to go through with this."

Munks scowled and looked away, indignant that he should have to apologize. "Fine," he said coldly, with something totally different on his mind. He opened the door and walked back in, immediately going into his mother's room without even looking at Angel, who was still curled up on the couch wimpering.

He opened a drawer and pulled out a small bag of heroine and some syringes he had bought earlier that day, hoping that Angel would be willing to use some. He figured it would be better for her to feel nothing, to enjoy a nice high, and to just relax for a while. He had gone and got it while Angel was still in the basement, risking his tail to bring her something he thought would "help."

Holding the paper bag with the stuff inside, he went back into the living room, figuring it was worth a shot. Holding the bag close, he quietly approached the mourning queen, hoping she wouldn't lash out again.

"What do you want?" she sobbed, wishing he would just go away to die where she wouldn't have to see him.

"I have something to help you feel better," he said, hoping she wouldn't question it.

Angel almost laughed hearing this, realizing what he probably meant was some kind of illegal substance. For a moment, she just wanted to say absolutely not, but she was in too much a state of despair to think straight. She wanted to feel nothing or be dead, one of the other. Just not to have to deal with the pain, or feel something totally different, just not have to remember anything.

"What is it?" she asked, turning around to look at him. She figured being on something to numb her emotions would be better than this, anything would be better than this.

"Well, it's..." he said, pulling the bag of snow and the syringes from the paper, holding them awkwardly in his hand.

Angel looked at the bag he held up and just felt confused on what to think. After all she had done and been put through, she felt that there wasn't much more trouble she could get into. She didn't say anything and quietly watched as Munk walked over to the counter and poured a tiny bit of powder out unto a plate. He added a little water and waited for the stuff to dissolve, opening the syringe packets.

"Don't worry, the needles are sterile," he said, turning around and looking at the scared look on Angel's face.

_"I'm probably going to hell,"_ she thought, complaisant to whatever the tabby said. Her thoughts were a jumble of confused yearnings and heartbreak, and anger. She watched him as he checked to make sure the stuff was disolved, all her instincts telling her no. This was the one who lied to her and brought her here and... she found she couldn't even wrap her mind around the horrible things he had done. But despite her anger, she just wanted to feel nothing, escape her heartbreak so that she wouldn't have to face it anymore, because facing it hurt.

Munk loaded a syringe and tapped with one finger as he measured it, showing he knew how to handle a needle.

"Relax," he said, walking over to Angel and sitting down as she sat up.

To Angel everything hurt, she had knocked back straight shots of sadness, and now maybe some relief was coming. It was hard to believe that she was allowing him to do this to her, she had always been the queen who everyone said would never get into trouble.

Angel knew this, she was the one everyone used as a good example, the one who they sent their daughters to for counseling. She had never pictured that she would have an abortion, even forced by some bastard who refused to let her decide. Never thought she would be fooled by a tom, so easily manipulated, but she was. She never thought she would find herself sitting in a room of a whore house, watching a tom loading needles with heroin for shooting.

It was sureal and foreign, and the entirety of what her life had been and what it now was, was coming to a crossroad right here.

You could still see where tears stained her face, and her eyes stared off aimlessly as she gave her arm to Munkus. This was something she never thought she would be doing, but she just wanted to escape from this so bad... she didn't even cry out as she felt the needle strike, didn't wince when the cold fluid was injected into her.

Munk grinned at her as he removed the needle and walked around to see the look on her face, she had a look of yearning that just begged to be freed from something. He didn't say anything, didn't tell her what to expect, didn't even tell her what it was he had given her.

Angel slowly laid down again, not sure of what else to do. Munk watched her qietly, eyes narrowed in observation, partly out of curiousity of how she would react, partly out of fear that this might be a bad batch.

It didn't take long for Angel's arm to start twitching slightly, and the realization hit that she had an illegal substance working it's why through her body, and she didn't even know what it was. She looked up at Munk questioningly, but didn't verbalize her question, too afraid to talk.

Not even a minute ticked by and Angel found that the twitching in her arms went away, slowly replaced with the loss of almost all feeling. It was like her body was floating in space, and some kind of growing feeling of excitement that overcame her whole being in a gentle to violent rush. As it hit, as the affects of the drugs took hold, Angel didn't know it, but she was hooked.

Her breathing sped up and so did her heart, taking her toward euphoria. All feeling was gone and now it was all emotion, feelings of excitement and all thoughts turned into a stream of constructed ideas that made no sense. Her pupils were wide and the look on her face was almost frightening, like she were laughing and scared at the same time.

Munkus watched with interest, finding her reactions to the drug amusing. He didn't intend to use any yet, though, he was going to wait until he didn't have to worry about his queen friend getting into trouble while high.

The rush was a combination of extreme relaxation and the desire to move and jump and fly... not quite, since she wasn't exactly hillucinating. But she wanted to do something in this euporic state, anything to savor this numbness and the blury perception and high pleasure. "Munkus..." she stammered, looking at him with reddish eyes, "why... why do you think we're here?"

Munkus almost laughed at this, she was totally making a sereotype out of herself. "We're here... because of forty two," he said, figuring it would be fun to mess with her.

Angel laughed in a drunken sort of way, laying back on the couch and almost falling over. The desire to just chill was filling her, and she stretched out and looked around at all the things that seemed bizzare now in this altered state. Just the way she percieved things didn't seem right, it wasn't her eyesight or anything, but her brain was just interpreting things strangely, and she spent an entire minute staring at a bug on the wall in complete fascination.

All of her problems were gone in this state, at least that she knew of. She knew nothing of any of the things from earlier, now all she could think of was all the emotions and sense and strange feeling that brought her excitement and escape. It didn't seem like anything bad existed here, for just a moment she could leave everything behind and relish all the artificial joy she could stand.

There was a warm feeling in her arms, and she reveled in staring at the ceiling and muttering about it with dry lips and empty words. It was so relaxing, it seemed that all time had stopped and now there was only this, and this was all she needed.

After about forty minutes she was barely hanging onto consciousness, her eyelids drooping and her vision was impaired. It didn't seem possible to do anything, but she was so relaxed it didn't matter, she just wanted to go on like this, never leaving this state behind. She had fallen back down onto her side, and she started to zone out, to some sappy, cartoony land that only existed in her mind.

Munk watched still, entertained by the things she said as she came in and out of consciousness. It really was a sick pleasure, watching her while high, enjoying her reactions and the things she said she wouldn't even think of while sober.

But it did get boring after a while, and so Munk eventually got up and left, realizing she wouldn't try to follow since she was so out of it. He walked out of the room, finding his mom outside the door like before.

"How is she?" she asked, leaning against the wall, having a smoke.

"She's zoning out," he said, taking a cigarette from the packet as his mother offered one to him. "She should be coming out of it soon, but don't worry. I left a second syringe loaded in there for her, labeled 'round two.'

His mother scowled in disapproval, but Munk didn't care, as he lit up and thought, _"I own this bitch now."_


	13. She's a junkie

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warning: explicit drug use, some language (not much), some suggestive themes, and some really messed up stuff Angel does while high.**

**NEWS: People, I am going all the way from LOUISIANA, to CHICAGO ILLINOIS, to see CATS live! It's my senior trip, and I have never left the South in my life. I mean, I'm going to do other stuff in Chicago, to kill time between the show and waiting for my train the next day, I guess... But I'm mostly going to see CATS! **

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><p>Angel scrambled with her hands to grip the syringe, sweat pouring down her face. Her knees were scraped up from having crawled across the rough carpet, unable to stand after coming off of her first ever high. This desire and physical yearning engulfing every fiber of her being, not one thought of regret passed through her as she was about to get her fix. Her jaw quivered and all her fur stood on end, her desperation so strong she didn't even realize what she was giving into.<p>

But as she was taking the cap off of the syringe, the door opened, Munkus coming peering around the door with a sneer on his face as he saw her. "I knew you were that pathetic," he said, coming into the dark room and looking at the queen. It was exactly what he had expected, she was one of those cats who only had to use once, and they were hooked for life.

"Whatever!" she spat, so infuriated at him she could use the rush this gave her to strangle him. But then it was this that she wanted more than anything at the moment, just to forget or cope, to feel something artificial, because reality hurt. The reality of where she was, the totality of how radically different her norm was to this alien land and all that had happened to her, sinking deeper into her being like a knife engulfing itself in her flesh.

She didn't want to think about what she was about to do, so she looked up toward the stained ceiling and focused on it as she stuck herself with the needle, injecting the heroin directly into her veins. She couldn't even look down at her own arm as her heart rate climbed and she pulled the syringe from her arm. But still, even as she gripped her arm tight and wouldn't look down at it from self loathing, she knew that the relief would come soon.

"Whoah! What'cha doing mainlining?" demanded Munk with wide eyes as he watched Angel let the needle slip from her shaky grasp. "You inject it right into your veins, you're gonna get more messed up than anyone needs to deal with." Even Munk wouldn't shoot heroin directly into his veins, he wasn't that stupid.

Angel started clawing at the counter, desperate to do anything with her hands. "I... whatever... just so long as I don't have to think about... kittens," she managed between breaths, barely able to get enough air in fast enough to speak. The drug was taking affect faster than she had expected; it almost seemed impossible to breathe fast enough to keep up with her racing heart now.

Her eyes were already bloodshot and there was shakiness to her every movement, every breath, every blink. She blinked her dry eyes repeatedly, trying to hide the desperation and agony behind them. Her jaw quivered rapidly, her teeth hitting each other and echoing through her head, the noise causing more twitching to course through her as she tried to deal with it.

"You're acting like a junkie," said Munk, standing over her now with a look of superiority. "I use for recreation, but you, you're nothing but a junkie, and this is only the second time you've over used! That is just so stereotypical of a queen, I could just live off of the irony..."

But Angel didn't hear Munk's cruel tauntings, her head swimming and her senses on a completely different level. She almsot started laughing between her forced breaths, but instead fell back onto her back and gripped her knees tightly, her balance so off from the rush she couldn't even stand up. She ran her hands and claws up and down her legs, coming to rest on her raw, bloody knees and she sat up, picking at them.

Munkus laughed sickly as he leaned against the counter and watched Angel, peeling scabs and skin from her knees. As they slowly came off, she ran her hands over the sore, bloody spots underneath, relishing in that it hurt, letting the sensation consume her and her whole mind.

She ran her fingers over her bleeding knees, pulling at the few scabs that just hung on by a thread, thinking the sensations and blood were the most beautiful things in the world. "Did you know blood is beautiful?" she asked, looking up at Munkus with crazed eyes.

Munkus chuckled evilly as he watched her, patting her head gently as if she were some toy he could do whatever he wanted with. Angel reached up and grabbed his hand, clutching it in hers and licking it gently, the act bringing her to euphoria in some strange, messed up way that only she could understand as she was so high.

But suddenly the door opened again, Angel slowly turning around from her insessent licking to see the sad form of Grizabella coming through the door. She looked emotionlessly at her son and his queenfriend, too disgusted with the situation to show any feeling.

She left the door open behind her, the light penetrating into where this dark madness was taking place; Grizabella sadly pondered the scene before her, the light from the open door shining on the two, adding to the grotesqueness of the situation just by the contrast.

"Mom, what'cho doing here?" asked Munkus, using a forced, tough guy voice. He was feeling pretty cocky, like he owned this trapped queen at his feet, when really all he was doing was f-cking them both over.

"This is my room, and I don't think you should be in here any longer," she said, lowering her eyes as she looked at Angel. She wanted to reach out and help Angel get on her feet and embrace her, just knowing how the queen was suffering. Grizabella knew she wouldn't survive long like this, seeing much of herself in this queen, seeing all the hurt and confusion in her big, bloodshot eyes, Grizabella saw herself.

But her thoughts were inturrupted by Munkustrap, asking with burning sarcasm, "what do you mean, Grizzy?"

Grizabella looked hard at her son, and then down at the queen who kneeled at his feet, who was slowly beginning to stop twitching as the sedative affects of the drug begun to take hold. It truly was a pathetic sight, so beautiful and young and talented, but the controlling hands of Munkus gripping her shoulders, willing to entice her with any drugs it would take. It was abuse, it was torment, it was a train wreck of two lives that were obviously going to sink down and become nothing more than a few statistics.

"I won't have you treating her like a crack whore, at least not around here," she said, biting back the desire to slap her son for getting Angel hooked on drugs. She couldn't believe how disgusting her son was being, as she looked at him, wondering if he would have turned out better had she not left.

Guilt threatened to creep up and choke her as flashes of the gray queen's past danced before her eyes, settling upon the image of her son where he stood.

The thought of a life being so ruined, but so easily prevented. Grizabella for one moment considered getting Angel away from Munkus, taking her someplace safe. But she knew she had helped Munk to hurt her, and she had tried that mental game on her, but her biggest reason for deciding not to help Angel, was that nobody had been there to help her. "Get out," she said coldly, deciding that if Munk was going to do this to Angel, she didn't want to have to witness it.

"Fine, whatever," he murmured, turning around and picking up the pack of syringes and the bag of heroin, dirt and some un-named gunk from the counter sticking to the bags. He tried to ignore Angel leaning up against his leg, completely baked and needing something to support herself as he tried to deal with the mess before him. Dead bugs practically coated this counter that all their stuff was on, and Munk tried to not get angry as he picked up each capped syringe and shook it off, trying to ignore the queen leaning on his leg.

After what seemed like minutes of dealing with the filth of this place, he finally got everything unstuck and got all of their now flithy syringes and bag of snow into the bag, reminiscing on how it might actually be nice to find a decent place to stay.

"Come on Angel," he murmured through gritted teeth, clutching the sticky paper bag close to his chest, catching his fur. "We aren't wanted here." And with that he kicked her, as she followed complaisantly as long as he had that bag on him.

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><p>All the hallways were a blur, the dirt and rot not seeming so important now, more like the norm. It was like a long, gray, dark passage that was never going to end. The dank smell now unnoticable to Angel, it seemed to her now that she could walk through this repugnant skeleton of a building without it getting to her at all. Well, if she could wall...<p>

Her wobbly feet carried her after the silver tom, senses dulled and amplified into a state of manic confusion as he led her down the rickety spiraling stairs, the bottom seeming further away with each step. The spiral seemed to cascade down forever, Angel dragging herself down them with heavy strides and no balance, almost slipping more times than is worth mentioning.

As they finally got to the bottom, the queen that greeted them their first night stood waiting, a look of disapointment on her face.

She was dirty and her fur was all messed up, sweat clinging to it from sleeping in a warm, musty room on a thick couch. She stood with her hands on her hips, or at least where her hips would be if she wasn't so anorexic. "Oh, you're leaving? But I thought you two would stay here and work," she whined, seeming even more annoying now that she wasn't hoped up on whatever was her drug of choice.

Angel watched with blury eyes as Munkus talked to her, finding his annoyance funny. She seemed like a completely different queen than the one who had greeted them, at least to Angel, who found the out of focus face hilarious.

She stood there on the dirty, rotten floor and watched fascinatedly as Munk talked to her, every word they said a mystery. It was like watching a really good movie, she was so entraptured in it, and nothing else mattered.

But Munkustrap didn't want to deal with her, so he slapped the prostitute across the face and called her something worse than prostitute, and hurried away, pulling the confused Angel after him.

Her feet dragging on sluggishly as she once again followed Munkus through the hallway, looking back at the queen who was rubbing the side of her cheek. She didn't know what to do, as the image of the queen blured and morphed and faded away.

The long foyer blured and came and went out of focus as Angel was dragged through it, her feet still plodding along even as she zoned out more and more.

Cats stood there heads out and watched them as they went, recognizing them as the one's who had stirred up so much comotion the day before, watching them curiously to see them go.

To Angel it seemed like every face that came out and peered at her was distorted and strange, indistinguishable from all the others. It didn't make sense, everything she was seeing kept getting stranger and more abstract, and darker as the room started to spin and slowly fade into darkness...

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><p>It felt like she had been falling for hours, as her eyes slowly opened, aware of nothing around her and yet fully conscious at the same time. The light suddenly burning her eyes, the wooden ceiling over her head suddenly came into focus, as if now for the first time, she was living in reality.<p>

Her heart pounded in her chest as she slowly blinked, trying to figure out exactly what happened. where was she? Why was she lying on her back, on something soft, in a place that felt completely different than where she was before?

But despite that, all of her trouble had seemed to follow her here, lingering only around her heavy head, leaving a faint taste of despair on her dry lips. She started breathing fast as the mental agony came back like a boomerang, burdens of all she had done and what she now didn't want to let go chaining her to whatever Munkus said.

Her focus jumped back and fourth from where she was to strings of randomness she couldn't even make out. Torment and desire, pure emotions, raw and ravaging feelings so abstract it was like being given straight injections of modern art. All of this calmenation, every time it built up in waves, leading to a grand epiphony of despair, at the thought of the kittens she wasn't allowed to have. That was the arrow to the heart, that was the core of it for her...

She didn't know how long she laid there, awake but not even looking around. The room felt still, as if just moving her head would take away the peace of it. Her breathing seemed to echo agaisnt the walls, the light coming from overhead seeming like a beam from Heaviside.

But suddenly there was the silver form of Munkustrap in front of her, holding a paper bag in his hand.

At the sight she found that she could suddenly move, the moment of peace was over and dead. And now the fullness of where she was sunk in. She was on a bare mattress, in a basement, with concrete floors and brick walls, with windows letting out onto the sidewalk outside.

For a moment she looked down at the mattress, and then looked about at the clean brick walls. It was so bright, so drastically different, it was almost scary. The floor didn't have a speck of dirt on it, and it was so gray, that Munkustrap almost blended into it.

"Munkus?" she asked, surprised at her own voice. "Where are we?" But really it didn't matter, she wanted to stay here with him, in this place and all it held in promise. The glamour of what could be done and used down there, all seeming to seep with enticement. This was where she could forget her hurt, a safe place to make sure she didn't have to think about it, and after drowning out her misery enough, maybe she could even go home.

"This is our new place to stay, I'm renting it from my brother Macavity," explained the tabby, looking around the place, quite pleased. He sat down and laid back, supporting himself on one hand as he stretched out lazily.

"For what?" she asked, realizing they barely had anything worth trading for a place like this, and having never even heard of Macavity.

"I traded him some of our snow... but don't worry, we still have some left, and I snuck back to the junkyard and grabbed the last of my crack stash," he added, seeing the sudden worried look on her face. "I've got us a month here, but we need to find a way to pay him more, and I ain't willing to give my 'evil', bro more of our drugs."

Fear at the thought of being without struck Angel like a bolt of fire and ice. She was suddenly so consumed with the paranoia of not having her security blanket of whatever it took to make her forget, that she didn't even hear Munkus say "evil brother."

Her eyes went wide as she looked up at the tom who now practically owned her, and asked with fear and desperation in her voice, "what are we going to do?"

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><p><strong>Pleae review! I can't tell you beautiful people how much research I have to do to get all this drug stuff down. Asking about how things are seen and perceived, and just writing it is physically beating me up because of how brutul and raw it all is. It's so great to hear feedback, because I think writing this is going to actually do me physical harm because I feel so disgusting writing it, so I want to know if I'm doing this for nothing!<strong>


	14. The Hidden Paw

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warning: some course language, some mention of drugs, and some mention of sex.**

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><p><em>Angel was on a stage, a spot light shining on her and mist surrounding her like the spreading cool of night. The scene was sureal and mystical, the golden queen surrounded by the light of dawn and dusk. <em>

_The seats were packed, the audience crowded in tight with all eyes on her. She was in a gigantic theater, at least ten thousands seats, all filled, all there to listen to her sing._

_None took a breath, every member of the audience on the edge of their seat, waiting for Angel to sing._

_But for a moment, Angel simply stood and basked in the glow of the spotlight, knowing this was where she belonged. It was a sensation she never got tired of, the warmth of the stage lights shining on her golden fur, it made her feel gold. _

_There was a smile on her face so big, you would have thought she had just found out she were already in heaven where she was, the light shining in her eyes, the look of someone who was alive._

_Suddenly, the music begun, soft and harmonious, starting with violins but slowly the whole orchestra came in, the music seeming to reverberate through the whole room. Angel recognized it as Ode to Joy, one of the loveliest songs ever written. It was the kind of music that made your heart soar and took your breath away, gentle and violent and magnificent._

_As Angel finally opened her mouth and sang, there was a cheer that went up through the crowd of cats; even she couldn't help but savor every note that flowed from her lips._

_"Fruede, schoner Gotterfunken,_  
><em>Tochter aus Elysium, wir<em>  
><em>betreten feuertrunken,<em>  
><em>Himmlische dein Heiligtum."<em>

_ She didn't even know that she could speak German, so she knew something was up, but still she continued..._

_"Diene Zauber binden wieder_  
><em>was die Mode streng geteilt,<em>  
><em>Alle Menschen werden bruder,<em>  
><em>wo dein sanfter Flugel weilt."<em>

_As she took a breath between verses, out of nowhere she heard a loud banging noise, so hard it shook the whole_ theater._ Her eyes went wide and the orchestra stopped playing, as she looked around to see where the banging was coming from. Dust came down from the ceiling, as if something were above her somewhere, almost sending her into a panic. She fell to her knees right there on stage, as she listened, alert, and for one moment she allowed herself to believe that it wouldn't happen again._

_But again it sounded, louder than before, seeming to come from everywhere at once, and fear gripped the young queen as the floor begun to shake, and finally fell way._

_Angel was falling, and the banging wouldn't stop! She was falling, falling, falling..._

The queen suddenly sat up the mattress, looking around at the basement room around her. Munkustrap was next to her, fast asleep, curled up with his knees drawn up to his chest.

There was sweat beading up on her forehead, her heart was racing and she panted, making her realize that this was what was real. _"Just a dream,"_ she thought to herself sadly, realizing how far she was from this goal, this holy grail she dreamt of. And now it would evade her still.

This was what was real, this was sickness, this was gripping death, this was her nightmare. Her life.

This was not what she wanted to do with her life, spending the rest of her days hiding in a basement, getting stoned to make the pain go away. Part of her wanted to go home, but she knew that would mean leaving Munkustrap and getting clean, and she didn't feel ready for that yet. She was scared to feel anything.

Light poured in the window above them, and Angel sighed as she wished with her entire being that it had been real, the lights, the crowd. It was what she yearned for, how she saw her true self. But it wasn't real, and she wasn't on stage, there was no crowd, she didn't know a word of German, and that banging noise-

Pow, pow pow! The sound echoed through the room and dust fell from the ceiling, as the sound reverberated throughout the room.

She quickly sat up straight and looked around, turning to the window above her and seeing the face of a ginger tom peering through the blury glass, tapping at it with one long, slender finger.

"Munkustrap!" she squealed, falling back in fear of the stranger. Her eyes met those of the ginger tom who was peering at her menacingly, and she found herself in total terror as she looked into his dark eyes. "Munk!"

She begun to scramble back in fear as the tabby groggily rose from the mattress and looked at her sleepily. Munkus was really a heavy sleeper, and didn't like to be woken up, he preffered to take his time and lounge.

He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and stretched as he confusedly looked around, wondering what the fuss was about, when-

Pow, pow pow!

Munkus immediately turned his head and saw who was banging on the glass. All the grogginess was gone now, now he was fully alert as he looked up and saw his brother waiting to be let in.

A cynical smile spread across his face, as he chuckled insanely and reached up to open the window. _"Oh, this is going to be fun,"_ he thought.

"What are you doing?" asked Angel, looking at the tabby with panic. Now that she was acting like a junkie, a crack whore, a stoner, she was completely paranoid about everyone she came in contact with. Everone was a narc or a police dog, she couldn't trust anyone.

She really had been using pretty hard, usually getting stoned every day. She would wake up, eat some mice, go for a _long_ walk, come back and get high, clean compulsively, eat more mice, have sex with Munkus, and then cry herself to sleep. This last part in particular she always reflected on, when she would go for her walk and think of how disgusting she was. She would drag her feet along, feeling as though this gehtto were her prison now, even though she was the one allowing it to be. She longed to be as she was in her dreams, feeling gold.

She felt like something you would scrape off the underside of a shoe, not even worthy of living anymore. It hurt, it stabbed her to her inner core every time she stuck herself with a dirty needle and felt like something that wasn't even alive. Because she knew it wasn't living, but she was afraid to live.

But now she was also afraid of everything else, afraid of running out of drugs, afraid of getting pregnant again, but more than anything, afraid of being found out. And now Munkustrap was about to let a stranger into their little sanctuary. She was in terror.

She hovered back even though she wanted to stop him, but it was too late. Munkus had already unlatched the window, and was helping the ginger tom through it.

The ginger tom crawled through the window feet first, landing softly on the mattress and looking around with a cunning eye. He seemed hideous but somehow graceful, an air of horror and beauty that drew you in and held you forever.

He was a phantom, one who would come in the night to entrance you, to romance you. He was a murderer, one who would strangle you, who would hang you in a closet. His elegant manner was that of the perfect villain, his cunning, evil mind seeming beautiful and enticing as one talked to him.

As Angel stood back and stared at the Hidden Paw, afraid out of her mind, she couldn't help but admire his beauty. Red beauty, like blood, but also like life.

_"I would follow such beauty, I would be such beauty,"_ thought Angel, enable to tear her eyes from the tom. She was petrified with fear of him, but she saw him as the essence of beauty, for he was gloriously alive. The same way as Alex was in 'A Clockwork Orange', deplorable, a bastard, a criminal, but still gloriously alive.

"Well, you've managed to keep the place clean," he murmured softly, looking around at how orderly everything was kept, even the drug parafenalia was organized so that the place seemed tidy and comfortable.

Everything was dusted and organized, everything had its place, down to the last used syringe. His eyes looked about critically, and he seemed to have a sophistication about the way he handled what he called business.

His beautiful red face, his whole deamer, all of him was business here, you could feel the seriousness radiating off of him. But danger lurked underneath, he was depraved. His faultless, proffesionally business behavior seemed frightening, like he could explode at any minute, _and yet the mysterious, enticing side was still there._

"Yeah, Mac, we prefer to not live in squaler," said Munk, as if trying to make a joke and state the obvious at the same time.

Macavity seemed focused on inspecting the place, this was his property, after all. He was thorough, and quiet, tantalizingly quiet, as he carried himself with grace in everything he did.

He scanned every wall with his eyes, seeming to notice Angel only after he had looked at the place from top to bottom. He stopped and looked at her, raising an eyebrow and moving a lock of red hair out of his face. He didn't speak to her, he simply looked her up and down, only his eyes moving. It was like he was studying her, and the longer he contemplated her, the more he came to understand the situation.

He was so outwardly respectable, it almost didn't seem possible that he controled half the drug trade, all the illegal weapons, and most of the prostitution in the area. And now, he was branching into real-estate.

"Brother, we need to speak," he said, keeping perfect posture as he grabbed Munkus' arm with a grip of steel and practically dragged him across the room to where they were out of ear shot of Angel.

He brought Munk to the opposite wall and stood him almost against it, facing him. "You have failed to inform me of how you intend to pay next month's rent," he said, with a calm, proffesional voice.

"I've been thinking of ways, although I'd gladly take some suggestions," said Munkus, realizing his brother wouldn't mind breaking his knee caps to get what he wanted. Macavity was the only cat Munkus ever feared, and now that Munkus was in a deal with him, it felt like he was placing his neck on the choping block.

"You have, that queen," he said the word eloquently, as if he were praising her, and not objectifying her. "You have several hits of crack and heroin left, I see. Those are your assets, use them to your advantage." He wanted his brother to understand that everything was a resource, even the scared golden queen who was sitting on the mattress, gripping herself in fear of the tom who had looked so deeply into her.

"I ain't using Angel, she's my queenfriend, despite how pathetic she is," he whispered this last part looking around Macavity to see if Angel had heard.

"You do not understand, most low life bastards wandering around, will gladly pay you for anything they can 'shove it into'." Macavity said this as if he were talking about selling a piece of furniture, and even Munkustrap was mildly shocked. "Now tell me, brother, what have you been up to these past few days?"

Munk couldn't believe someone would suggest he whore out_ his_ queenfriend, but he had to get over the shock quickly, as Macavity gave him an evil look which demanded an answer to his question. Now. "Um... nothing much, just... chilling, and trying to figure out how to pay you," he stammered.

"How often have you been using?" asked Macavity, knowing exactly what his brother was up to when he was 'chiling.'

"A bit here and there, why, what's it to you?" the tabby said indignantly, thinking it was none of his brother's business. "And why are you here, and not one of your henchcats?"

"And since when do I need permission to visit my younger brother," he asked, his simple words more frightening than looking down the barrel of a loaded gun, the way he murmured them with dangerous delicacy.

Munkustrap shivered in fear as he stepped back further against the wall, trying to remain calm. "...I'll find a way to pay you, don't worry." He barely managed to say this, it was something about the Mystery Cat, he was most frightening when he spoke quietly.

"Of course you will," he said calmly. "Munkustrap, I will make you an offer you cannot refuse, but you'll have to stay clean if you want to do this."

"What'cha talking 'bout" he asked, daring to wonder if his brother would actually help him.

"Dealing, making runs, if you'll work for low pay, you can stay here rent free." He gestured around the room as he said this, smiling slightly as he stood straight and with elagence, all his refinement seeming to show in this simple stance.

"And why can't I indulge if I do?" said the tabby, deciding he was going to do whatever the hell he wanted.

"You never use if you're going to deal, it's the number one rule. So, are you interested?"

"Nah, I prefer to enjoy life," said Munk, waving away the idea of using some self control like a desert tray he didn't want.

"Well, I can make you another offer. I need a nice 'cat burglar,' if you can rob this ammunition store and get me all the items I need, you can stay here another three months." What he had just offered seemed like a free gold mine to anyone who was desperate for a place to stay, a gold mine surrounded by land mines.

But Munkustrap actually considered this, he had robbed before, and it seemed as good a deal as any. "Fine, sounds good."

"Very well, just don't show up if you're going to be wasted, I want you to have your full capacities with you..." he seemedto trail off in thought. "Oh, and afterwards, come to my place with this queen you're shacking up with, and we'll celebrate your coming of age."

"Hah," was all Munk said as a response, even though he knew he really shouldn't try and provoke his maniac brother.

"Alright, meet me tonight outside 'The Big Bang' store, at 12 a'clock, and do not be late." And with that the Hidden Paw walked with grace back to the mattress.

"I'll see you tonight," he said to Munk, before turning toward Angel. "My lady," he said, his voice almost sounding cheerful, and then he did something that Munkus had never expected, he bowed.

Macavity bowed low and gracefully in front of Angel, keeping his eyes down and one arm out wide. It was as if someone had just walked in and turned into a fish, it was that shockingly implausible. He wasn't the kind to bow, but to be bowed to. But he was so majestic, as he stood back up and looked at Angel like a knight in shining armor.

Angel desperately wanted to say something, wanted to plead with him to stay, although she didn't know why, she was still in terror of him.

But before she could say anything, he quickly turned and jumped through the window, his landing worth ten points, spot on, perfect. And he ran off, dissappearing into the dirty streets.

"Who was that?" whispered Angel, the lingering aura of the ginger tom still gripping her. She was scared, but drawn in to a new kind of drug. It wasn't that she found him attractive, she 'loved' Munkus, but Macavity... fascinated her.

"Oh, that was just my brother, Macavity," said Munkus, pretending to be entirely uninterestedly.

He then walked up to Angel and patted her on the cheek, noting that she now had bags under her eyes and looked desperate and tired. He wanted her to know that he still owned her, he wanted her to get over Macavity, and quickly. "No, my little crackhead, we have some work tonight."

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><p><strong>So, what'chall think of my take of the Hidden Paw here? I wanted to make him almost like a James Bond villian, only with such allure he seems like a drug himself.<strong>

**Sorry it's been so long since I've updated, I've got a lot going on, graduating high school, planning my trip, getting a job, moving out, and all that other jazz.**

**So what'you fuzzy people think? Remember, this story is literally going to be painfully slow.**


	15. Robberies and mistakes

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warnings:** **mentions of blood, dark imagery, and suggestive themes.**

**Hey, wanted to shout out to my favorite readers and authors: Wombaat, Humanguineapig, loveydovey14. ****You know, all you fuzzy people make my day better, right.**

**And love to everybody out there who reads this!**

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><p>The Hidden Paw lay quietly in the shadows of the branches that hung down over the small limb he used as a perch, like a lounging tiger gazing out from somewhere in the brush. The wind rustled his mane gently, revealing his dark eyes between his flowing locks, eyes that gazed upon their target.<p>

He wanted to savor this, as he always did, the time before the hunt. He breathed it in, he absorbed it through the air, the essence of it. It was just that, it was that he hungered for this, that made one think of savagery beyound his beauty, for he was beautiful.

Around his neck, was a tight, sharply edged metal collar, the only tool he ever used for anything. It was like a slap on bracelet, only as sharp as a katana. It was wrapped carefully around his neck, so that the edges wouldn't touch his skin no matter which way he moved, otherwise they would slice right through.

The collar was the only thing he had on him that was visible, the rest of him hidden in darkness, the crescent moon reflected brightly off of the mirror like collar.

The warehouse store stood before him, the night sky standing out against the security lights that lit up the sides of the building. It looked like all the other stores the humans built, exactly the same, since they were programed like ants to build everything exactly alike.

You could see bugs fluttering against the glass bulbs of the security lights, and Macavity watched them as they went. As they danced and hit the lights repeatedly, their luminescent wings flittering madly, it was a sadistically tempting spectacle.

"Hmmm," he softly hummed as he entertained the fantasy of catching each little dancing bug, slowly ripping off their wings until they would dance no more. Piling up their little wings, and watching the bugs writhe about in his hand, until he begun on their legs...

But he wouldn't do it, he had to keep his cover here, he knew not to expose himself.

So he sat and watched the bugs as he waited for his brother, the little perch in the decorative tree he had chosen working as a look out post. The street was empty, as he lay there on his branch, his ears though, were alert, ever listening. His every sense was honed and sensitive, he was aware of everything.

As he listened in the night for his brother, the totally of every activity on the street behind him played out before his half closed eyes, as a gray tabby approached...

"Munkustrap," he whispered, when the tabby came up behind him, not nearly as good at sneaking around as Macavity. "You do make an awful racket, don't you?"

"The place is closed, and humans won't arrest cats. What, is there a security dog or something?" asked the tabby, carelessly. His brother's serious behavior he found pretentious, bordering on ludicrus. He saw no point to using stealth since they were just cats robbing a store, which is ludicrus, isn't it?

"Ah, but night hath a thousand eyes," Macavity said, the words flowing like a stream of moonlight. "Thou donst not know, what she will bringeth."

"What the hel"-"Shhhh, we go, we search, for things beyond our grasp," he said, standing up to his full heighth and looking at the warehouse store like someone who had just challenged him to a duel.

He silently jumped down from his perch, gently moving the fur out of his face and spying out the area with cunning eyes. "Where's that queen you're living with?" he asked, half whispering, but with a slight growl.

"She's around the block, keeping watch. I figure she'll be a good distraction if there's any trouble. She's so paranoid," said Munkus, annoyed.

"That should work, although I wish you could fully understand that it would be more efficient to have her watch the door, I don't want to linger out on the streets, so her position will have to do." The Hidden Paw then gestured for Munkus to follow him, as he hurried into one of the bushes and dove in silently, and again gestured for Munkus to follow before ducking down low.

Munkus eyes went wide as he crept up to the bush and slowly pushed his way into it, trying to stay low the way his brother had. He tried to struggle through the thicket toward the dark form of Macavity, barely visible in the shadows around the base of the bush.

The sharp leaves scratched the sides of his neck as he brushed them out of the way, not caring much about the noise he was making.

But Macavity quickly grabbed him by the collar and pulled him down into the black dirt around the roots of the plant, muffling the tabby's frightened yells with his hand, holding his brother's mouth tightly.

"We may be invisible, here among the plants, but you still have much to learn, little brother." Macavity barely breathed these words into Munkus' ear, digging his claws into his brother's throat as he spoke them.

Munkus clawed into the dirt beneath him, wanting to rebel as he felt his brother's claws gouging at his throat tightly. His arrogance was invisible to the eye, in this darkness they were both envoloped in, hidden in the bushes. But Macavity could feel it radiating from him, like steam coming off of an engine.

"I'll cut a hole in the glass door for you to enter through, and I'll stand watch. I want you to go in, and get me a compressed, half pound tube of C4." The ginger tom was staring intently on their target now, the image of the warehouse visible in his eyes as he uttered these words, almost poetically, to his younger brother.

"I didn't know you could get C4 in England," muttered Munkus, trying to hold back laughter at this crazy notion Macavity had that they could actually get their hands on something like that.

"The owner of this place sells it out of the back room, black market. I mean, do you honestly think I would do business with anyone who's reputable? They never have anything good." This would have been funny, would have been absolutely hilarious, if Macavity wasn't digging his claws into Munkus spine as he said this.

Munkus felt Macavity's sharpened claws digging deeply into his flesh, and the small droplets of blood begun to roll down his back as the claws went deeper and deeper. It was like Mac was searching for bone to sink his claws into, making Munkus' face contort in pain as he barely held in his yelps of distress...

Meanwhile, out on the street, Angel was, at least in her mind, having just as bad a time. She was standing with her back pressed up against a brick building, her fear of these streets making her more paranoid than ever.

These streets held a thousand dangers, with every breath of wind that blew past her, every sound of the night. She could barely breathe, barely keep her eyes open, she wanted to keep them closed because this world was so scary.

It still felt like a different world, graffiti on the wall across from her looking like some strange alien writing. The streets seemed to have been built for an entirely different kind of society, windows had bars on them. It was gripping her, this world, pulling her down into its inky, black streets.

She longed to get back to her little basement where she could light a candle. A nice small candle that would drown out the darkness, and Munkus could hold her in his strong arms, and she could use some of that magical stuff that made her pain and fear go away.

_"Kittens,"_ she whispered regretfully, her utterance lost in the wind. She tried to focus on this sadness, this sadness that made actual living almost impossible, but instead her fears stayed in the forefront, refusing to go away.

It was like the dark of the night was choking her, her own breath catching in her throat as she felt the night wind blowing the scents that seemed to linger in places like this toward her face.

She was on a street corner, leaning against a wall late at night, and she was clueless about what others would think. Insteand she focused on her sadness and her fears, mostly her fear of being out here alone, on this dark street.

The thing was, she wasn't really in the dark, she was right under a streetlamp, which was buzzing loudly as moth's batted off of it repeatedly. But it was unnatural light, it felt like something from another planet, and the darkness beyond this little island of light seemed impenetrable.

She stared at this lamp as she remembered Munkus had told her to look out for any approaching trouble, and to scream if she saw anything. But she didn't feel like she could scream, the paralyzing fear tightening its ugly fist around her throat.

Her breathing was fast and her heart beat rushed with the fear pulsing through her body as she assumed every shadow was a mugger or a gang member or police dog. She just wanted to disappear into the wall she stood against, wanted to melt into it and never come out, never see the world again if it were this ugly.

Suddenly, her ears perked up, as she heard someone approaching, and heavy footfalls became decernible from the rest of the sounds of the night, and they were quickly getting louder...

"Okay, so you have to go into the back to get the C4, you'll have to find it yourself though. There's a motion sensitive alert system, red light lasers that set off alarms when you step through them, and then there's getting the stuff out without setting off the system..." Macavity trailed off as he explained everything to Munkus, as they stood by the entrance, fully visible to any passersby.

Munkus could barely digest the information, he had assumed it would be easy. He felt uneasy in the light, his nervousness seeming to let the information run out of his head like rainwater.

"Okay," breathed Munkus, nodding his head like a doggy on a dashboard.

All the cockiness had been knocked out of him by the treatment he'd gotten only minutes before by Macavity, the blood still seeping from the tiny puncture wounds that ran along his back, the pain still fresh.

He looked up at the building with weary eyes, now that he was actually about to do this, he was scared. But he realized he feared Macavity more than getting caught, and even contemplated getting caught as an escape from the maniac who now practically owned him.

"Here, Munkus, you'll need this..." said Macavity, very carefully taking the edges of his shiny, metal, collar, unfolding it from around his neck. He uncurled it and held the ends with the tips of his fingers, before pulling it tight and snapping it straight, so it now actually looked like a blade.

"What the"- murmured Munkus, as right before his eyes, Macavity plunged the sharp strip of metal straight into the glass door, breaking through it.

The noise was muffled because the blade was so sharp, and the hole so clean, but as Macavity twisted the thing around to cut a circle for Munk to crawl through, it made a loud, tooth clenching noise like someone running metal across a chalkboard.

"To get in," he finished, licking his fingers and pulling out the round sheet of glass. Then he faced the hole and tapped on the metal security gate inside, it was the kind that came down from the ceiling. "There's space between this and the glass. You can slip between them and get in going along the wall. Never go anywhere near the center of the room, stay along the wall until you get to the office. You'll have to figure out how to get in and get the C4 yourself."

Munkus barely absorbed the information, it was terrifying, finally doing this. He hoped for an adrenaline rush or something, anything to keep his body going. He had no clue how to get in the office, he would probably set of some alarm, not be able to get out, and get picked up by Animal Control.

"Here, take this with you, but grip it _carefully," _said Macavity, handing Munkustrap the blade, showing him how to hold it from the center, so it wouldn't cut into his skin just from handling it.

Munkus then turned to the door, sticking his head through the hole Macavity had cut for him. There was barely enough space between the glass entrance and the metal gate to squeeze between. He stepped back and took a breath, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to do.

"And Munkus," begun Macavity, whispering the words right in the tabby's ear. "If you can't get what I need, there's an alternative use for that blade."

The words echoed endlessly in Munkus' head as he faced the opening in the glass, slowly stepping through it. His face pressed against the metal gate, making him feel like he would suffocate. He had to hold his breath to fit between the glass and the gate, and he was barely able to turn his head in the direction he was going.

Blood from his back coated the glass as he inched his way past the gate, the smearing sounds seeming louder than they actually were, and the blade he held in his own hand making his fingers sweat where they carefully gripped it.

Macavity watched from outside, sighing from annoyance as he watched his brother finally squeeze his way out of the tight space, disappearing into the dark store...

Back on the street corner, Angel watched in horror as a large brown tom approached, his crooked mouth twisting into a grin as he noticed her standing up against the building.

It was like a nightmare playing out before her eyes, and she tried to keep telling herself that it wasn't real. That he wasn't real, even as his footsteps became louder and she could make out his features better and better as he came closer.

She wanted to run, to bolt somewhere to safety, but she didn't want to be chased, and he legs wouldn't work, as she struggled to just stay on her feet. If she tried to run, she wouldn't know where to go, and she would collapse anyway. She might as well have been trapped.

"_Don't let him stop, just let him pass me by. Let him have things to do elsewhere,"_ she prayed, hoping for dear life the Everlasting Cat would still hear her.

She prayed under her breath, looking down at the pavement, not looking but listening as the tom came ever closer. She hoped for dear life he wouldn't stop, that he would just keep going, that she would be left alone again on this empty street, but to her horror, she heard his heavy footsteps turn toward her.

She continued to keep her head down, fright gripping every fiber of her body as every possible scenario flashed through her mind. She was in a morbid state of fear, knowing her only chance was to get away, otherwise... she had no clue.

She was mentally preparing herself to take off, when...

"Hey, cutie, so what sounds good tonight?" he said, leaning next to her up against the wall.

This caught Angel completely off guard, and she couldn't even draw a breath from fear, so she continued to stare down at the pavement.

His large form seemed to loom menacingly over her, even though there was at least a foot between them. It was the most intimidating thing she had ever felt. She didn't even look around at him, but the shadow he cast seemed to envelop her in a new kind of darkness.

"Not much of a talker, huh? Just like to get right down to business, don't'cha?" he asked, in an arrogent voice. He wanted to reach out and stroke her neck, but he knew most hookers in this neighborhood didn't like that, so he simply reached out and stroked the air, not quite touching Angel, sending waves of fear coursing through her.

He then leaned in uncomfortably close to Angel, looking at her with hungry eyes.

Angel dared to look up at him, and suddenly the realization hit that he thought she was a street walker. She wanted to tell him she wasn't, wanted desperately to explain, but the words seemed to catch in her throat, and instead she took another step away.

Unfortunately, this only sent him the message that she was playing hard to get, which he could handle.

He moved around her and tried to get his arm around her shoulders, making her flinch at the unwanted contact. He pulled her close, and she wimpered as she realized she couldn't pull away.

"Come on, baby, there's a place not far from here...

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><p><strong>So, any idea of what else I could do with dear old Macavity? I wanted him to seem alluring, yet be as scary as someone like Hanibal Lecter, someone who could act civil, but you know is a complete sadist in every way.<strong>

**Am I portraying that well? And how am I doing with the other characters? Don't worry, I'm going to actually develop Angel more, I think a lot of you are actually going to be quite shocked with what I do with her character.**

**Anyway, much love from the South, and chow for now, and be glad you ain't here in Lousy-ana.**

**Seriously, be glad, most people down her are insane, even I'm insane. I think...**


	16. Success and amazements

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Warning: dark imagery, lots of blood, some mild violence, mention of drugs, and mild swearing.**

**Hey, sorry it's been so long, I've been busy trying to graduate, and chapters like this are hard to write. I guess I do better when there's lots of dialogue.**

**But anyway, I wanted to do a shout out to Cassieteazer and The Obessed Oddity, since I left yall out last time. Sorry about that, but much love, still.**

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><p>Munkus crept silently along the wall, the blood seeping from his back staining the white paint as he slunk along.<p>

It wasn't a pleasant feeling, the rough, textured wall, scrapping against his open skin and catching his fur. The blood caked up around his fur as it oozed out. It was all he could focus on, the precious life fluid leeking slowly from his body and smearing on the wall.

It wasn't like he was bleeding to death, in fact it was slowing. But it was just the awareness of something so vivid in this dark building, the image staining his thoughts red.

The interior of the building was almost what you would call morbidly dark, so dark that it seemed you lost even your own thoughts into its depths. The sound puttering from the air vents was loud and seemed to make the place feel alive and awake. And the drafts that wafted through the building seemed to make one aware of their own heartbeat.

It was very off putting, especially because the vents were so close to the floor, the air rushing past Munkus' ankles almost making him jump as he passed by one.

Lights shown dimly from the ceiling right next to the wall, the light seeming shallow and cold compared to the darkness, which they only seemed to contrast. They didn't even show much, he could only make out the shelves closest to himself, which weren't many.

These shelves were loaded with containers of black powder and rounds of caps, small duty stuff you could get with a simple permit. The walls, on the other hand, were loaded with launchers, and other things you could only get if you went through about forty people, presented all the paperwork in triplicate, and had so many background checks, you became paranoid about your own BlockBuster account. But in the dark it all seemed alien, the shadowy forms of these things and others looking menacing, as if they were looming overhead like hungry voulters.

He gripped Macavity's blade in his hand with his fingers clutching the center, sweat beginning to form around them, making it hard to hold it this way. It was an intimedating thing, that blade. It was like it was designed just for the purpose of looking bad ass and then killing those admiring it. His fingers slid back and fourth across it, as if trying to find some non-sharp edge that wasn't a flat side.

Thouhgts of panic rang through his head as he got to the side wall and started creeping along its length, heading for the back of the building. He was panicing because he knew if he failed, his brother expected him to kill himself. But it wasn't just that: he was also afraid for Angel. He may have thought of her as pathetic, something to be used and teased and tossed away, but he still didn't want anything to happen to her.

He struggled to reason with himself that it was him not wanting to lose his property, but even he couldn't deny the emotional attachment. Maybe he did care about her life?

These thoughts and others danced in his head as he finally made it to the back of the store, the door to the back office only a few feet away.

He was about to make his way for the door, but there was something gnawing at the back of his mind, and suddenly the realization hit him. With only a moment's hesitation he carefully held out the blade, moving it back and fourth until a very thin laser light reflected off of it.

"Of course," he whispered, using the blade to deflect the motion sensitive light beam as he crept past it, careful to step around the blade and not move it as he made it clear.

As he made it past this obstacle, he looked around frantically for some way to get off the floor, and then he noticed a shelf not too much further. He snuck up to this and crouched low on his haunches, still carefully gripping the blade as he jumped, his upper half landing on the shelf. His back legs dangled below and he struggled to pull himself up, slicing the sides of his paw as he closed it tightly on the edges of the blade.

He pushed away the blade and finally pulled himself up, digging into the wood with his claws and managing to get a leg up, and then the other.

For a moment he just sat there, licking up the blood, his salty tears making it worse as they practically gushed out. More blood, why was there always more blood? Why couldn't he do anything without somehow getting sliced or stabbed? It was a morbid thought, as scenes of his own death played out before his eyes, the dark room making it seem more and more possible with each moment. He couldn't help it, he was scared.

Finally he pulled himself to his feet again and kept going, the door in sight now, and getting ever closer. As he finally came to it, he leaned far over to see how he could get in.

There was a window at the top, but it was latched, and it was just out of his reached. But of course Macavity had given him the blade for a reason, so trying his luck, he leaned over the edge of the shelf as far as he could, holding the ledge of the window with one paw, reaching for the latch with the blade in his other.

It was a stretch, but he finally got the edge of the blade under the latch, and was able to get it unhooked in a snap. The window just fell open, and with it a flutter of accomplishment rose up inside Munkus' chest.

_"all easy sailing from here,"_ he thought, letting the blade drop to the floor with a thump inside the office, before jumping into the open window himself.

He sat there halfway in the window for a minute, surveying the dark office.

There was an oak desk at the other end of it, in front of huge windows with dark umber curtains. The rug the desk sat on was persian, finely woven with intricate color patterns that were lost in the dark. Leather furniture, mahogany tables, brandy glasses and boxes of cigars; a crystal chandelir hanging overhead, all this splendure lost to the room's most notable occupant: Boxes stacked up to the ceiling.

It couldn't have been more obvious what was in the boxes, mused the tabby, as he looked back and fourth from his perch as if he were on top of the world.

He promptly jumped down like it was nothing, stretching and cracking his nuckles and popping his neck, as if his smooth swagger mattered here.

He lazily picked up the blade again from off the carpet, blowing on it slightly to get any lint off of it. With a pretentious grin he flipped it in his hand, catching it carefully, stupidly acting like he didn't slice his hand open earlier.

As he approached the first box, he let out a sigh, the realization that this was going to take a while settling on him like a dark cloud.

The first box wasn't in any stack, it was just sitting on the carpet next to a stack, all the others piled so high on top of each other, it wouldn't have been possible to put this last one on top.

The tabby decided to do this quickly, thrusting the blade into the top of the box right under the nailed on lid, prying it like a crowbar. The wood splintered and creaked, as the blade pried up on the top, pulling the nails out.

It was difficult to manuever, getting a hold of it and putting his weight into it, but finally the lid started to pull away, bits of straw packing coming up with it.

Panting, the tabby jumped on top of the box, droping the blade again as he looked into it.

With the sight that met his eyes, he wanted to shout for joy and jump away for fear... it couldn't be this easy. It was never this easy, but he couldn't take his eyes off of it. A whole case of C4! This just wasn't possible, you don't just break into a place looking for something this specific, and then just find it this easily! But here they were, little sealed cases nessled amongst the straw, the luminescent letters C4 written in bright gold standing out against the dark room.

Tingles of excitment ran through Munkus' fur, his breath coming in short pants and drying out his mouth, his eyes as round and bright as saucers. A shaking paw hovered over one of the cases, shaking from his pulse rushing through him and thoughts that cut through his mind like a knife.

He wouldn't have to kill himself. That was the totality of the realizations that washed over him, with the fullness of a relief that hit him like a kick in the guts, and embraced him like a warm hug.

Finally he just decided to throw all ceremony to the wind and grabbed a block, snatching it up like that last cookie you really want to get first. (oh, come on, you know you want it!)

But immediately, not even before he could get the block to his chest, an alarm went off. It wasn't blaring at first, it really just started as a light going on and off overhead, slowly spinning and turning white and blue and red, coming from the chandelier, and the low siren was slowly getting louder.

Munkus' heart nearly stopped, although he didn't dare move a single muscle. The siren rising in tone and volume and the lights getting brighter seeming to pull him back to reality. of couse, his every fiber told him to run, to escape, but a part of him was almost relieved at this new development. Of course it was too easy.

Like a madman the tabby looked around frantically and started to freak out, the panic seeming to come from the room itself and yet nowhere. His pulse raced as he darted about, knocking over glasses and turning over chairs.

The scene of him running around and knocking things over was simply wild and over the top. I wish I could describe his actions further, but just to get across to you how crazy it was, try picturing if he had broken into the building and set off all the alarms, and then just gone on an acid trip.

He just had to freak out a little, like he was high on the tension, and he had to get this out of his system before his brain finally took over again.

_"Gotta get out, gotta get out of here!"_ he thought racing back and fourth, stopping suddenly at the sound of a loud banging noise coming through the store.

It sounded like someone was literally tearing the place apart just to get to the back, as loud crashes and bangs permeated throughout the building, getting ever louder as whoever it was came closer.

Every nerve in Munkus' body siezed up for one brief moment; he couldn't even draw a breath or move his eyes as the pain of the sudden sieze up coursed through his body like lightning.

But in that moment of utter panic he decided exactly what he was going to do.

He bolted for the blade and the block of C4, picking them both up clumsily and half ran half flew to the desk.

He lept up on it and skidded across the top, drawing a pained breath as he found his balance. Then, as he heard the sound of someone fumbling for keys right outside the door, his eyes grew wide and he did exactly what he knew he had to do.

He wound up his arm with the C4 like a pitcher and chucked it as hard as he could at the window, shattering the glass on impact as it hit the small opening between the curtain.

The crash of the glass breaking echoed in his ears as he threw the blade and through the hole, tired of cutting himself.

Then with a finale glance around the room he jumped through the hole himself, managing to pull himself through it and landing on the other side right as he heard the door to the office opening.

Without a moment's hesitation he picked up the C4 and the blade and ran for the bushes, not even realizing he had actually succeeded and didn't have to kill himself until he had hidden among the bushes, collapsing into the soft dirt.

Sweat poured down his body and his back was bleeding again, and tears ran down his face as sweet relief met him like an unexpected yet gentle kiss.

Oh, this is what if felt like to be Macavity! So alive, so real. Taunting death nakedly and surviving, his brother lived to live, to experience and feel, and the power it made one feel was _soooo good!_

Munkus couldn't help but to look at his prize, the sealed container now not so perfect looking. Oh, what a trophy. He would ask Macavity if he could have the case.

He mused over this in the dark, quiet shrub, until a sickly good humored voice brought him back to reality.

"You did it, I'm impressed," said Macavity, appearing suddenly out of nowhere.

Munkus couldn't answer, he was still too caught up in the rush. Macavity noticed this and chuckled, giving a rare smile and patting his brother's shoulders.

"Come, we'll collect your queenfriend, and then we'll head back to my place to celebrate."

* * *

><p>The two toms finally made it back to the street corner, Munkus still glowing with pride from his accomplishment.<p>

They were about to turn the corner to the streetlamp where Angel was waiting, but Macavity stopped in his tracks when he heard voices, grabbing his brother and making him stop too.

"Come on, baby. A working girl like you can't benefit from playing hard to get," said a sleezy voice, making Munkus tense up as he realized what was happening.

Slowly he peered around the corner of the brick building that sat on this corner, keeping out of sight. The scene that met his eyes made every fur on his body stand up, as anger coursed through him at the sight.

There was Angel, pinned to the wall, with a large tom holding both of her shoulders, his face only an inch from hers.

Munkus was so infuriated at the sight that it was like someone had burned him with fire. He wanted to round that corner and go beat the shit out of that tom for messing with his queenfriend. But as he was about to Macavity grabbed his shoulders again and held him, his grip so tight he could have crushed a canon ball with it.

"Just watch," whispered the ginger tom, fascinated by the sick scene unveiling before their eyes. If there was one thing Macavity was, it was an observer, even when it was disgusting things like this, he wouldn't disturb what was happening to save his own life, he just had to watch.

And what a scene it was, as the big tom tried to kiss Angel and she turned her head away, as he tried to cup a feel and she pushed his hand away.

But her reactions were different than they normally would have been. She seemed to just be going through motions of trying to brush him off. It was strange how her moves seemed so calculated, and with each move both of them made, the air seemed to just get more tense, until it was like the entire street was holding its breath.

But the strangest thing of all was that as the tom kept trying to make moves on Angel, with every attempt he made the golden queen seemed to not get scared or weepy, the way she normally would.

No, it was more like there was fire welling up in her that she was about to unleash. It was obvious this had been going on for a while, this tom harressing her, and she seemed empty of all emotion except rage.

She was about to explode with fury, it was obvious to all watching except the lunkhead tom who wouldn't let up. He kept trying to feel her over, kept trying to figure out what she was playing at, until finally he went too far and tried to grope at her ass.

It was like she snapped. Immediately she grabbed both his hands and twisted them sideways, forcing him to step back as she pushed him with her full weight.

She looked like she was on fire, her golden fur seeming to become flames in the lamplight as her fury was all directed at this single target.

She made him step out onto the street, his clueless eyes suddenly filling with fear as he looked into hers; she looked insane, and she was going to hurt him. Bad.

"I, am not, a hooker!" she yelled, bringing back her fist and then punching him in the face with her full force.

The tom literally wobbled back and fourth before he fell to the ground, hitting the pavement with his head with a thud.

Angel stood over him, all the fury still radiating from her like embers slowly cooling. Her yell seemed to carry on forever, the sound of her strike seeming to echo along like lightning. She watched the unconscious tom on the ground at her feet. A little blood was leaking from his nose, and the nose was also dented in the middle; she had actually broken it.

Her firey gaze focused on him with disgust, being let out with each soothing breath she took. To her, he looked like filth, since he had treated her that way. And she wouldn't be treated that way, she was the strong, golden queen who would rise above, who would take down every scumbag, who would liberate queens...

Her thoughts of this grandure seemed to dissipate with her anger, and an overwhelming sense of amazement seemed to wash over her like she were standing under a waterfall.

And then the golden queen was aware of everything at once, the stars and the dead sky, the emotionless moon hovering above. The empty streets with their lifeless winds, the cold, rough pavement. The buildings, empty but for furniture, no life anywhere.

...and the tom at her feet, alive, breathing.

As the reality of what she had actually, physically done, herself, sank in, she heard a sound from around the corner.

Munkus stepped out from behind the brick building, his face fixed in disbelief, but his eyes wide with... fear?

Angel turned to Munkus and looked at him timidly, fear welling up and gushing fourth from both the cats as they gazed into each others' eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so this is going to be my last chapter update before my trip to Chicago, so I was wondering if I could get a bunch of reviews as a 'good look and don't get obducted or robbed' present. Please? I love hearing yall's opinions, and the feedback just helps me to write more if there are ideas for improving my stories.<strong>

**Much love from yall's little Louisiana CATS fan!**


	17. Macavity's hideout

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Sorry I left this story for so long, for all two of you out there reading this story (joking). No, seriously, I'm sorry I left it for so long for those who are really reading and enjoying it. You see, writing this chapter literally kicked my butt, since it was so long. **

**Either way I really hope you like it, and I'd love to hear yall's opinions on it! So sorry again for taking so long to update!**

* * *

><p>The old warehouse looked so run down and dreary, the smog from the factories surrounding it, the pale sky overhead, the pealing paint and bares on the windows, it was supposed to be the Hidden Paw's hideout.<p>

They were in some kind of factory district, with old pieces of machinery lying out on the streets, the smell of chemicals and burning fuels pervading the air, as if someone had decided that an industrial area just wouldn't be complete without some pollution.

It was a place where people went to work when they had no other options, people who had no hope of doing anything besides going through the motions every day until they died. A place where luxuries were made for the rich through the sweat of those who were desperate.

It reaked of that, this place. It reaked of the desperation of people who found they could do nothing else, it reaked of their sadness as they clocked in everyday, it reaked of the bitter numbness and blur of going through the same mindless task a million times a day to make something they could never afford.

Never allowing the hope and warmth felt at the end of the day when the workers went home to their families and lives to enter into this place while they were in it. As if the little happiness they had couldn't follow them here, as if it had to be choked or stomped just while they were here.

It seemed that the stars were even more reluctant to come out here than they were back in the neighborhood Munkus and Angel where staying, as the filth pouring from the smoke stacks seemed to meld the whole sky into some dank, lifeless sheet.

The buildings were mostly empty, but for a few lights in windows where one or two people were carrying out some kind of business in some warehouse or another. Any light coming from them seeming out of place where it seemed light shouldn't be, even the most pale and cold light.

The air almost felt like something solid you were sucking through a straw, especially with the overwhelming heat and humidy that just seemed to radiate from the buildings where the machines were resting for the night. Ocassionally a groan from something settling into the dark, like a furnace letting off heat or a steam vent hissing, was heard amongst the dreary calmness of the night.

Angel was in a complete daze after all she had been put through, but her adrenaline was still up and she hadn't even done any drugs that day. In fact it was the first time she hadn't gotten high for an entire day since the first time Munk stuck her with a needle, and her hands were beginning to shake, a sign that there were more symptoms to come.

She felt like she was about to break into a cold sweat, her body shaking uncontrollably and her teeth chattering despite the depressing heat. Her mind was racing as thoughts flashed through her mind, about Munkus and kittens and drugs, but always landing on the moment when she knocked that tom out cold with one punch.

She didn't believe it was her hand, even though she saw it, even though her knuckles were still sore. It couldn't have been her, she wasn't that strong, she wasn't that brave. It had to have been someone else.

But of course Angel knew it had been her. She knew it, she just didn't want to _believe_ it. As if she were afraid of any strength showing in her at all.

Now the doors were before her, Munkustrap on her left, Macavity on her right. These metal doors that blended into this place of misery so perfectly, it was almost scary how well they matched everything else here.

Large double doors made of metal, with dead bolts and rusty nobs. Painted an ugly brown with dark red rust showing where it had peeled, almost unnoticable unless one looked at it closely.

Then they were opened before her, and it felt like she was on a totally different planet...

White marble floors sparkled brilliantly, with circular patterns of other colors of marble cutting through the room and lining the walls, so pollished they were almost reflective.

Chandeliers hung from the high ceilings with real flaming candles alit, the shining crystals reflecting off the thousand little flames and casting radiant beams across the the room.

On the ceiling, a hundred cats had painstakingly painted an exact replica of the Sistine Chapel.

There was a grand staircase that took up almost an entire wall, the area upstairs a balcony looking down onto the rest of the room as it circled the whole hall, with doors leading to other parts of the building lining the upstairs walls..

In the background, one could hear the gentle carresses of the strings of a violin, playing a soothing ballad that made one fall into a dreamy state if they listened too hard for too long. It was almost as if the music were a part of the sweet air that was breathed here, as it blended into atmosphere of resplendance as much as the decor.

Scattered about the room were couches and large, fluffy cushions, so that one could sit and eat or just lay back and relax. They were arranged in little nooks that seemed to become rooms in themselves, some only reached by going down carpeted steps into areas built into the floor.

There were fountains from which wine flowed, in beautiful streams as cats would simply dip straight from them with their glasses. There was one fountain that contained champagne that bubbled sparkily as it flowed over a statue of a kitten, it's features delicately carved so that it was an exact replica of Macavity when he was little.

There was a fountain that was on fire, the spirits alight even as the contents were put into shot glasses, so that one would have to blow it out before they drank it.

On one side of the room, there was a pedestal, upon which sat a throne meant for royalty.

It was raised twenty feet above the rest of the room, the red curtains on both sides so that Macavity, the only one there regal enough for a throne like this one, were open, meant to be drawn if the Hidden Paw wanted some privacy.

The entire room was just brimming with cats of all sorts, all working for the Hidden Paw.

They were walking every which way, queens who worked as waitresses carrying silver platters, offering their contents to henchcats who were groomed enough to be deemed fit for this place.

Tux cat butlers stood at attention, ready to take orders on a moment's notice. Huge guard cats standing at the doors, unmoving, so intimidating that no one in the room liked to be near them.

Beautiful queens strolled this way and that, obviously not henchcats, although there were a few female henchcats, but these particular queens were there only to please Macavity. But there were just so many of them, Macavity had to have an entire wing of his hideout just for these queens to stay in.

As Macavity, Angel, and Munkus walked through the grand hall, almost every cat stood at attention as the hidden paw passed by, nodding low as he would dismiss them back to their duties.

Macavity looked perfectly at home here, as if this were the only place he could possibly be where he wouldn't be out of place. Nobility with deadlyness seemed to trail behind him as he walked, even here, he was just as dangerous as he was magnificent.

The contrast between the outside and the inside were as different as day and night, this resplendance that seemed almost impossible to exist anywhere. They say that a cat can look at a king, but standing amongst this, Macavity seemed so regal, that a king couldn't look at him.

But there was something strange, all this resplendance, but it was obvious there had to be other stuff going on.

It wasn't until they were in the center of the room that Munkustrap finally noticed what it was.

A lovely calico waitress carrying a serving tray walked up to a group of toms, lifting the silver lid from the tray and presenting a strange array of tiny porcelain spoons, barely big enough to qualify as coffee stirs.

Munkus watched with raised eyebrows, wondering what on earth the queen could be serving them that was so miniscule, some rare type of caviar, perhaps?

When to his utter and complete shock, one of the toms picked up a spoon off the tray and deftly snorted the contents of it, his eyes wide and bloodshot as he did this.

_They were literally serving drugs on a silver platter!_

Munkustrap looked at Macavity questioningly, the ginger tom acting like he didn't notice as he pretended to admire a new stature that had been moved in.

He knew his brother would be an embarrassment to him in front of his henchcats and servants, so he pretended he didn't even see Munkus as he murmured so softly that only the tabby could hear, "let's head up to my little perch," gesturing with his hand toward his throne as he said this. "I'll draw the curtains so we can have a private talk."

And then with chivalrous elegance that only one who was truly fit for high society could achieve, Macavity turned to Angel with a light bow, taking her hand in his.

"My dear Angel, why don't you go and join that group of queens over there in that little nook that surrounds the fireplace by the stairs. I'll send my servants to bring all of you food, and you can relax and enjoy yourself. Have a drink, have a smoke or whatever you'd like, everything here is at your disposal." His voice was light and poetic, gentle, yet not unnatural. For some strange reason, Angel felt as though the Hidden Paw were speaking to her in his true voice.

Macavity turned her in the direction of the fireplace, and gestured with his hand toward the circle of couches and cushions surrounding it.

Angel was barely able to nod to Macavity as she began to walk across the room to the fireplace, eyes wide with shock. She just couldn't believe he was so charming, so noble, but he was also supposed to be deadly.

She stared at the queens lounging around the fireplace as she approached them, unable to believe there were so many in Macavity's harem.

They were stretched out on large soft couches or on puffy chairs or sitting in front of the fire. They were all so beautiful, all different colors with coats so soft and clean, their claws shiny and some even painted. Some wore diamond collars, others wore spiky ones.

Different breeds, some actually came specifically from cat breeders, which was normally taboo amongst cats: going to a breeder to get a female of a specific kind, but it happened.

They looked as though they spent all of their time reveling in the lap of luxury, as they giggled and gossiped and drank their champagne, others watching the party going on boredly around them, as if nothing impressed them anymore.

As Angel reached them she held herself tightly as she walked down the four little steps and walked over to a couch with a low coffee table in front of it, wishing she were invisible as she suddenly felt ugly in front of the most gorgeous queens she had ever seen.

She curled up a little as the other queens eyes bored through her, until finally a sexy calico cocked her head to the side and looked Angel up and down cynically.

"So are you new, or are you just a nightly rental?" she asked. She said this in a mocking voice, knowing Macavity never patronized prostitutes, even though he was in charge of a lot of prostitution, but kept queens who wanted to serve him, and could handle 'the line of work.'

"I... um, I'm just here with my tomfriend Munkustrap... he did Macavity a favor and was envited here and"-"and so Macavity sent you over here to be kitten sat by us?" inturrupted the calico, trying to act as if this happened all the time, which it didn't.

At this Angel went silent, intimidated by the rough and sarcastic manner of this queen.

"Oh, don't listen to Reubela, she's just being a little bitchy," sighed a pale gray queen with green eyes, leaning over toward Angel in a friendly way. "I'm Looki, by the way, what's your name?"

"Angel," she whispered in a nervous, reserved voice.

"So she is a hooker," stated Reubela in a snarky voice. She hated being talked about like this, even though it was true, she just had to have the last word.

But none paid her any attention, as several queens who were waitresses approached with large trays of food, a feast if there ever was one.

A large platter of seafood, shrimp and prawns grilled and begging to be dipped into one or many of the luscious sauces on the tray. Raw tuna cut into the shape of flowers. There were oysters on the half shell, oyster puffs, broiled oysters and raw clams, scallups sauteed in butter, and countless fish dishes.

A tray covered in different cheeses; Angel tried to count how many she knew, gouda, brie, camembert, stilton, roquefort. These and many more that she had never even seen, soft cheeses meant to be spread on waffers with a knife or a spoon, crumbly cheeses sitting in bowls, there were even those fancy little cheese knives lying on tiny little cutting boards.

A whole bowl of fancy rolls to go with them, soft and puffy on the inside but crisp on the outside.

All this and even a desert tray, containing dozens of different little cakes, tarts, flavors of ice cream Angel didn't even know existed, puffs of every kind, and so much more.

"Mac has certainly outdone himself with this blowout," commented a brown tabby queen as she was handed a plate by a waitress and proceeded to load it with food.

Angel just stared at the food in front of her while the other queens served themselves. Some, including Looki, being polite and waiting patiently, others attacking it like someone had set a bunch of starving hogs loose on a compost heap.

* * *

><p>Macavity sat on his throne in a private room created by drawing the curtains around his pedestal, Munkustrap sitting in a chair next to him.<p>

Munkustrap was loaded with questions, unable to believe what he had just seen, although he thought he liked it.

"Okay, brother, what's with the elegance and the palace hidden in a warehouse and the drugs being served on silver platters?" he asked, exasperated he had to wait so long to ask. Macavity hadn't spoken to him since he had told him to follow him up to his throne, acting as if the tabby wasn't even there.

Macavity held up a hand as he nodded to Munkustrap's question, not really listening as a footman (or foot tom?) brought him a tray and lifted the lid, bowing low as he did so.

At this Munkustrap cocked his head to the side as he saw Macavity pick up the contents, a single cigarette, confused as Macavity began puffing away at it without even lighting it first.

Macavity sighed heavily as he took a drag and looked off into space sadly, his hands shaking as he did this. Shaking violently, I might add, his teeth chattering, and even the _slightest _hint of tears were forming in the corners of his eyes... Macavity actually looked vulnerable, here, even pathetic.

"Mac, I didn't know you smoked..." began Munk, the words coming with effort.

Macavity didn't even turn and look at the tabby, he could never look at anyone as he did this.

"It's a mechanical cigarette... it gives me just enough nicotine to avoid withdrawal symptoms, so that I can be weaned off of it slowly." He said this with a deep sadness to his voice, he really regreted having started smoking in the first place.

Macavity was literally close to breaking down, he hated looking so vulnerable, like he was actually dependant on something.

"I know what you're thinking," he continued, "why do I serve drugs to the henchcats but am trying to give up smoking? I don't want to have any vices, I can't be addicted to anything, otherwise it will come back to hurt me. But the drugs are sort of a privilege for those who have worked their way up, as well as insurance that they'll remain loyal to me."

Munkustrap slowly nodded at this, unsure of what to think, he had never seen his brother like this before. But despite this, there was another question bothering the tabby. And seeing Mac like this had almost made him forget, but he really wanted to know why his brother had wanted his help getting the C4, since he was obviously filthy rich.

But this, he wasn't expecting to see this. The Hidden Paw, the Nepoleon of Crime, almost breaking down over one lousy cigarette, and not even a real one!

"Okay," he said after a long silence, in his most snarky tone to try and distract Mac from this weird little introverted cigarette episode. "The jig is up. Why did you seek out my help getting the C4 if you have so many henchcats?"

At this Macavity raised his eyebrows, looking off into space for a moment before taking another drag from his fake ciggy. "Are you questioning the hand that feeds you?" he asked with a sigh, enjoying the fear that arose on his brother's face before he continued. "If you must know, I enjoy helping those in need, and you are my brother after all. I suppose it all comes down to me wanting an excuse to bring you down here to show you what success is, to show you what you are capable of if you can get clean."

And then he took a long dramatic pause before adding, "otherwise... someone will own you, the same way I own all of them."

And with that he drew the curtain ever so slightly, just enough for Munkus to look out and see a large persian queen henchcat taking a handfull of pills, a look of utter defeat on her face before the drugs had even taken affect. She desmissed the waitress as she looked around for someone serving drinks, wanting to wash down her little cocktail of pills with some vodka.

It was obvious she was dependent on Macavity to get her fixes, the Hidden Paw owned her.

* * *

><p>Angel sat on the couch with a plate in her lap, eating luscious prawns dripping in butter and lemon juice and fancy rolls with fetta.<p>

She was just nibbling at it, not really that hungry, and while some of the queens were just picking at it as well, most of the other queens were absolutely troughing into it. Their plates were loaded heavy with more food than Angel thought she could eat in a day.

The calico queen in fact had nothing but sweets on hers, as she seemed to not get enough chocolate into her system.

The other queens were just shoveling down seafood and fancy cheeses like they would never see food again.

She tried to ignore their chatter, which Looki didn't seem to participate in much, as most of it revolved around famous cats and who was getting what beauty treatment and who said what to someone else somewhere and their reaction.

All mindless gossip that Angel had never cared about among even her closest friends, and didn't like here, either.

As Angel sighed and reached for another roll, she noticed a siamese queen with a plate full of oysters and pastries lazily hold up a hand to get a waitress' attention.

The waitress hurried over and the siamese turned to her and said in a very casual voice, "hey, can I get a shot of mud, some morphine, and um... oh! Could you have someone bring some valium up to my room and leave it on the nightstand? Please?"

At this the waitress nodded and left without a word, the siamese turning around and addressing a very light brown tabby who happened to be her room mate and asked, "you won't take my valium tonight, will you Sparkle?"

At this the other queen shook her head and shrugged it off, not really caring as she was trying to see how many jello-shots she could take.

But another queen eyed her strangely and asked, "your night, huh?" And when the siamese nodded she asked, "so what's Mac gott'cha into?"

At this it seemed like their whole mini party just died, none of the queens spoke as they looked at the siamese. They all just waited silently for her to answer, none uttering a sound.

The siamese pretended not to notice, though, making a fake saucy face and saying so casually it was obvious she was scared out of her mind, "in the dungeon, for some of his kinky play. But I can handle him."

A lot of the other queens looked at her with sympathy and even fright, others rolled their eyes as if that were nothing new; most of these because worse had been done to them or they were just used to it. And some just started shoveling the food faster, as if that in and of itself would change the subject.

Angel didn't say anything but her eyes were wide with questions, even after all she had been through, she couldn't believe these queens were treated like this, and were trying to make it seem normal.

Finally, after almost a minute, she was able to get out the words. "So... you're going to use before you and Macavity..."

"Well, yeah, a lot of us do it," explained a cream colored tabby, sitting on the same couch as the siamese. "I mean, Macavity is quite the lover when he wants to be, but he tells us what he wants ahead of time so we come prepared. And when he wants you in the dungeon, or if he orders certain queens or specifically tells whichever one of us it is that it's going to involve chains or something, a little mental numbness helps you to get through it."

She reached over and squeezed the siamese's shoulder as she said this, just as the waitress came back with the two syringes.

"Thanks," murmured the siamese as she took the syringes and injected herself with them, one after the other, although not directly into her veins, because she didn't want to get too messed up.

Angel watched with worry and sympathy, although there was part of her that wanted to order some heroin, she decided she could put it off for the moment at least.

As she was about to say something, she heard the sound of wretching write next to her, and she saw a tiny tortoiseshell queen puking in a porcelain basin, the others pretending not to notice. But then she noticed a few more queens walking over to basins strategetically placed around their lounge just for this, while others asked servants to bring them versels to puke in.

This was almost too much for Angel, she had read about eating disorders and studied them, but she had never _seen _anyone actually making themselves barf in real life.

When the tortoiseshell was done vomiting, she turned toward Angel, wiping her face and saying, "sorry, but after a while, vomiting to just get it all out, it becomes so natural, you almost feel disgusting if you don't do it." And then sitting up and grabbing a cup of water she asked, "so what brought you here? You're obviously pretty green when it comes to this kind of stuff."

Angel could not believe she was being asked this, as she tried to think of _anything_ to say.

"Oh...Um... me and my tomfriend Munk... well, I started using after I had an abortion," she managed, her cheeks turning red from shame and embarrassment and the fear of being judged.

She expected this to shock them, to disgust them. She expected them to think she was a slut.

But instead of the reaction she expected, of gasps and disaproval, there was only laughter. Sick, cruel laughter, and banter back and fourth about who had and who hadn't had an abortion.

"Oh please hon, I've had three of those," said the calico queen, taking a bottle of epicac off a passing tray and rising from the couch to head to a private room to do her puking. "Well, I'm going to chunk my guts and then head up to bed, have fun tonight Shilo," she said to the siamese queen, walking off with an air of superiority about her.

"You think she's all sprity now, you should see how messed up she gets before Macavity plays his halloween chain saw massacre game with her. She's gets stoned out of her mind before hand and cries afterwards," said Looki, trying to calm Shilo, as the poor queen laid back and allowed the drugs to make her shaky and incoherent.

Angel noticed that Looki hadn't eaten much, she didn't seem like the type to just gorge herself out and then puke it all up. She had had some tuna and some cheese, but that was it. Instead she was paying attention to Shilo, allowing her to lean on her arm a bit and occasionally rubbing her shoulder.

"You can keep going, you know," she said kindly to Angel, making her jump when she realized she was being talked to again.

"Well... tonight was scary, when Munkus was helping Macavity steal something, I had to stand guard and, some tom thought I was a hooker," she said this shyly, since she knew all these queens were part of Mac's harem, and didn't want to offend them. But none of the one's who were listening seemed to take offense, so she continued. "I tried to tell him to go away, but he wouldn't, and so after he kept on trying to get me to go with him, I became so angry that I...that I broke his nose and knocked him out with one blow."

At this some of the queens did gasp, others shrugged her off as a liar though, and turned their attention back to the food or ordered alcohol or drugs from passing waitresses.

"You're an idiot, you know that, right?" asked the brown tabby, trying not to sound too mean. "Think about it, if you ever need to make a little money, it's generally not a good idea to get a bad rap before you even start out."

Angel was shocked at this, she would never become a hooker! How could this queen who didn't even know her get this idea?

At Angel's offended expression, the brown queen rolled over onto her back lazily and said, "look, I realize that's not what you have in mind, so let me give you some advice: act tough and indifferent if you're going to be doing crud in the world outside, play the role of the saucy, tough queen who couldn't care less, don't act hurt. Numb yourself because you hate the world, not because you can't stand to feel what hurts. If you pretend like this, since you have already proven you've got some physical strength and the capacity to get really pissed off, which is a good thing, it should become true if you fake it enough. Worked well enough for me.

Some of the other queens nodded in assent, agreeing that that's the best way to handle life.

And then she smiled at the group and added, "although here I've been allowed to become a softy again, since it's not such a struggle to survive we get to actually feel genuine and live."

By this time some of the queens were actually clapping as they were nodding, as if being the Hidden Paw's little sex toys was the greatest job on earth.

But Looki just rolled her eyes and met Angel's gaze for a moment and they smiled at each other. Angel decided she really liked Looki, she seemed to be really level headed despite the situation she lived in.

Still, it did seem like good advice to just try and act tough, at least until she got a grip of things.

As she was about to ask Looki how she had gotten here, she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder, and she turned around and saw Munkus gripping her tightly, and by the look on his face, she knew the party was over. He looked as if he were struggling to hold back some deep fury, some of the other queens raising their eyebrows at the sight as if to ask 'this is your tomfriend?'

"We need to run, get home and all that," he said to the other queens, not really caring if he sounded rude. He took Angel's hand in an iron grip and pulled her to her feet, taking the plate still half full of food from her hands and setting it on the coffee table.

And just when Angel was starting to get her appetite back, too...

"Hey, you can come back and visit whenever you like, if you ever need to talk," said Looki as they turned to leave, Angel looking back around and waving, glad she had a friend somewhere.

"Don't worry, we will," she said, thinking of course they'd be back. After all, Mac was Munk's brother. So of course she'd be able to visit Looki.

But when she turned back around and saw the look on Munkus' face, really looked at it, she could tell that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Something had gone down between Munk and Macavity.

Munkustrap looked appalled at what he had only hours before stood in awe of, as if now all the riches Macavity had to offer sickened him. As if the fact that these cats were spoiled for choice when it came to drugs didn't interest him at all, which was just confusing, considering.

As they made their way toward the exit, Angel looked around and waited until they were out of earshot of anyone who might be listening.

Then, once they were literally about to walk out the door, she turned to Munk and whispered, "I was just beginning to have fun, what's got you so pissed?"

Munkus didn't even turn and look at her as he pushed the door open and answered coldly, "Macavity's trying to convince me I have a drug problem, he thinks I can't handle my shit."

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><p><strong>Okay, what'chall think of Looki? Should I make her a re-occurring character, or should I not use her again? <strong>


	18. How low will he sink?

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Hey everyone, sorry it took me so long to update, lately I've been working hard and trying to get through some stuff, and since writing this kinda stuff is difficult enough, it took me a while just to consider starting a new chapter, more or less figuring out what I was going to do with it.**

**Warnings: mention of drugs, mild violence, smoking, language, and non-graphic adult themes.**

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><p>Munkustrap sat on the mattress in their basement apartment, enjoying a smoke as he thought over everything he felt he had accomplished in the past few days. It was nice to be able to get cigs again, to not have to worry about rent for three months, that he had a steaming queenfriend who seemed to be growing a backbone.<p>

Angel had been trying to act tougher lately, and although her attempts at sounding street came across as pretty lame, she didn't come across as some little kit anymore. Even if she did still bitch occassionally, it was nothing he couldn't tolerate...

"You know you're the biggest idiot in the world, right?" asked Angel snarkily, sitting on the wooden counter top and licking herself.

_"And the quiet is over,"_ mused the tabby, flicking the ash from his ciggy. "Angel, I got a job, I can take care of both of us now. so what if you think it's stupid? Like you've made some smart decisions."

It was true, she had done some pretty dumb stuff, like going with him in the first place, and not leaving. Something the tabby knew he could hold over her head if the bitching ever got too annoying.

"You got a job working in a meth lab... now just listen to how that sounds for a minute," laughed Angel, as she pulled her legs up on the table and turned around to face the tabby, giving him a catty grin. She now enjoyed trying to act tougher, now that she knew she wasn't so defenseless. It was also something to do with that conversation with those harem queens, she had really taken their advice to heart and tried to act as if nothing phased her, even if inside she were screaming.

"Well, since you've become nothing but a crack whore,-"I don't even touch crack!" put in Angel, making a face in disgust.

"Oh, _excuse_ me, I forgot that heroin is just so much better for you," said Munk, tossing the butt of his cig in her direction, as Angel narrowed her eyebrows at it.

"At least I'm not making the stuff. If I'm caught I'll just wind up in rehab, you might wind up being put in some human's pound or something because you're producing," laughed the queen as she stuck out her tongue and made a sorta sick face that made no sense.

At this the tabby just rolled his eyes, not giving a care what her thoughts were. "What ev's, I'd rather be locked up or put down than work for my brother. You do realize he just used me for his own sick pleasure, like he was trying to show me something."

"No shit, Sherlock," laughed Angel, rolling onto her back and grinnign at Munkus upside down. "He was trying to scare you straight, to show you that you don't know what you're getting into. That you aren't cut out for this, that you"-"Enough, some day I'll have an enterprise that's even bigger than his! He won't win."

"Right. Which is why I saw your paws shaking this morning until you got your fix," said Angel, looking at her nails from her position as she tried to ignore the dizziness from all the blood rushing to her head.

Instead she grinned wickedly to herself as she thought of how rediculous it all was, as she tried to pull herself up so that her head rested on the table again. It was rediculous, Munkus still telling everyone he could stop anytime and then acting like a total crackhead. If anything he was worse than her because at least she was willing to acknowledge what she was, while Munks just got defensive about it.

But what she didn't realize is that she made the tabby angry, really angry. His anger was like ice, if only that were the only thing he had in common with Macavity! Munks had a very heartless center, he wouldn't tolerate his queen telling him he had a problem.

Munkus glared at her with a look of almost loathing, so deeply that for a moment Angel felt a jolt of terror run through her at the tabby's expression, but then he softened it down, deciding to toy with her for a bit before he punished her. Maybe he really was like his brother?

"You know you're nothing but a slut, right?" he asked, getting up and slowly crossing the room to her with a sly, airy step. "I mean, if you think I've got a problem, look at yourself. Look at those dark circles under your eyes... anyone could tell your using hard and screwing with someone to get it." And with this he gave a confusing grin just to throw her, although Angel ignored it.

"Please, you wanted me. You thought I was worth lying for, so don't think you aren't privileg"- smack!

Munkustrap hit her across the face, knocking her to the floor, the fury in his eyes burning so brightly it made Angel shake in fear as she looked up at him. "Munk..." she squeaked, shivering in fear like her normal self would.

She brought a shaking hand up to the place on her face he had hit, knowing a bruise would form their soon as she pressed it with her fingers. "Ahhhh," she groaned, holding her face and holding back tears as the tabby loomed over her.

"You piece of shit," he spat, standing over her in a threatening, possessive manner. "Maybe I'll cut you off, I could do that you know! Keep you away from that magic powder that keeps you going, keeps you by my side where you belong. So, what's it gonna be?"

Angel stared up at the tabby in terror, barely able to draw a breath from fear as Munkus seemed to take on the air of someone totally different, someone to hide from, to live in constant fear of. She liked him better when he was high.

But just then, something caught Angel's eye and she looked past Munkustrap to the dirty window behind him, as a face peered through menacingly before tapping on the glass.

At the sound the tabby turned his head slowly in an irritated manner and looked up at the cat who was staring in, freezing for just a moment before rushing over to the window and opening it for him.

"What took you so long, Straps?" asked a brown tabby very gruffly as he slid into the apartment feet first, pulling a burlap sack in after him. He was dirty from head to tail, his coat patchy and the scars on his face giving him the look of a pirate, although he was not. He didn't even like going near the water. "I waited for all of_ ten seconds,_" he pretended to complain, looking around the room and then catching Angel's eye for a second, laughing as she pulled herself up and clutched her swelling face to hide her obvious shyness.

"Shut it, Staves. We weren't even expecting you," said Munk relaxing a little once he saw Staves wasn't angry, casually picking up the half empty carton of cigarettes and opening it, holding it out for the new guest.

"No thanks, I'm here strictly on business," laughed Staves, shaking his head. "The toms in the kitchen need a new place to store the goods. We're leaving the raw here until next week."

Munkus and Angel's eyes grew wide at this and it felt as though breathing were impossible for a moment, as they took in what was said, almost like someone had kicked them both in the stomach's and filled the room with nitrous oxide.

"... Wh-what?" stammered Munkus, looking at the heavy sack with wide eyes as if it might explode right then and there. "But but, th-that wasn't part of the deal!"

"Well, now it is," shrugged Staves, placing the sack on the floor where he stood, not caring about the danger he was putting the two young cats in. "And don't either of you touch it, or else you'll wind up hanging upside down by your toes, shaved naked. My mother went that way."

If looks could kill, then the look Munkus gave Staves would have had him pushing up daisies in an instant. His paws twitched as he forced himself to keep from going shit crazy on this cat, his jaw clenched and his breath hitchy as he forced himself to breathe and try to not totally lose it.

"Oh, don't be such a drama queen! I was told to give you a little reward if you agreed to this," said Staves, grinning in a creepy manner as he opened the sack and pulled out a small, dirty instant camera. The thing was dented and covered in a layer of filth, but it was functional, so at least you had to give it that.

"This cheap thing?" asked Munk, as he took the camera from Staves and turned it in his paws, looking at it with critical eyes, seeming to forget his anger which was being replaced by contempt. Okay, about the same thing, but I digress.

"Why? Do you not want it? Because I can always take it back"-"No, it's fine. We'll keep it," said Munkus, putting the camera under his arm before Staves could take it back, deciding this was the best they could get.

"Good, now just protect that stash for the next week, and we'll all be okay and won't be number sevened...That's what they call it when you're shaved and left upside down nailed to a bridge by your toes to die" he added as he noticed the confused looks on the faces of the two cats. "Now get back to beating your queenfriend or whatever you were doing."

And with that he turned and hopped back onto the window sill and clambered out, chuckling as he dissapeared from sight and the window shut behind him, leaving the two alone in the basement again.

"Shit, now we have this to deal with," said Munk, smacking himself in the face. He may have been hard headed, but at least he understood that it wasn't a good thing to have twenty pounds of pure meth sitting around your apartment, especially when it's occupied by two cats who have relatively (or in Munkus' case very important), family.

"Oh what's the big deal, you scared you're gonna get caught or something?" teased Angel, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow sassily. Of course she knew this had to be taken seriously, but she wouldn't pass up the opportunity to try and pull at Munk's strings. And besides, she also reasoned, if Munk was going to beat her, she might as well have fun giving him a reason. At least then it would seem fair, right?

Just another way for her to hide her misery in her knew situation, acting tough and getting beaten. Oh the ever sarcastic martyr she was!

"What'chyou think? We're doomed if someone finds us with this!" he half yelled, trying to keep from being too loud because he didn't want anyone passing to hear, as he turned toward the window to peak out to make sure no one was around.

"We? I'm not the one working in a meth lab," stated Angel, as she started toward the exit, prancing with her head held high even though her face was really beginning to swell up.

"And where do you think you're going, little missy?" asked Munkus nastilly, stepping in her way and spreading his arms to keep her from passing, musing for a moment that this was the protector's stance.

"Just out for a little while to get away from this madness," said Angel in an offhand way, as she tried to push past him like it was nothing, sighing as she found Munk wouldn't budge.

"Oh no you're not, you're staying right here," he said, decidedly pushing her back with both arms. He was not going to be talked to like this by her, and he _especially_ wouldn't be caught alone with this much meth. If he was going down, she was too.

"I dare you to try and stop me," she said, as she tried to push past him again, almost reaching the window with one hand as she stepped onto the old mattress so she could jump up to it.

"Okay," shrugged Munk, letting go of her long enough to wind up his fist and then letting it go, slugging her on the side of the head.

Her head hit the hard concrete floor with a smack, and even Munkus was taken aback by how hard he had punched her. "Oh Cat!" he exclaimed as he bent down to make sure she was alright.

Looking at her small frame and bruised face with utter shock. It was like being in the twilight zone, he wasn't one to... no that wasn't true, he didn't care about violence, and he didn't care if it was committed agaisn't a queen. But this didn't happen... she wasn't uncons- it wasn't his fist tha... He couldn't relaxe a single muscle om his body as he looked her over, trying to convince himself he didn't do this.

He relaxed a little when he found she was breathing, or at least I should say dared to draw a breath, as he checked her pupils to make sure she didn't have a concussion.

And then the thought struck him, she would leave him for sure now. Leave him utterly alone, and he'd have to learn to live with himself. He couldn't let her leave, he had to find a way to make sure she stayed with him. She couldn't leave him!

At first the tabby started to panick, bringing both paws to his mouth and taking in deep breaths as he held her small head.

Her beautiful face was beginning to really turn purple where he had hit her, and every fiber in his being was sorry, but more than anything scared. And selfish. He couldn't let her leave him, no matter what he did to her, no matter how many angry marks from his hands covered her face, her beautiful face...

His eyes wandered from her face down her neck and slowly down the rest of her body, and slowly an idea struck him as he gazed at her intently with his brow farrowed in thought.

The idea he was forming was despicable, and it even physically hurt as soon as all that it implied to his own character hit him. He couldn't be this horrible.

He kept reasoning with himself to justify what he was thinking, almost flinching at the thought of losing his precious Angel, and his eyes strayed from her body long enough to find the camera...

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><p><strong>Hey, sorry it's been a while, but please review!<strong>


	19. Pictures and a letter

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS!**

**Hey people, sorry it's been so long since an update. I've been swamped in homework and have been struggling to write anything decent as of late. Still working on the first draft for my own play. It's going horribly. **

**Oh well, that's just life. I've also somehow survived a Thanksgiving in which my ultra-conservative relatives talked about how much they want there to be a revolution without arguing with them. (Although I almost screamed when I heard racist remarks from someone in my family who is old enough to know better, talking about how she bets the next president is going to be black again or Latino, as if that's the most radical thing in the world.) But, I didn't lose my shit, and I was able to keep quiet as they talked about how they long for WW3 and zombie acopolypse. Sigh.**

**So, sorry again about the delay to those who are still following this story. I'm gonna try to update this and my other stories as soon as possible, and I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving. **

**(P.S. Don't go Black Friday shopping, instead go do something to help the poor or people in need. Remember, peace on earth and goodwill towards men. Otherwise I will start WW3, woohahaha!) ;)**

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><p>Angel awoke with a splitting headache, and a cold feeling all over her body. For what seemed like forever, and yet a split second, she lay still, too frightened to move. She was just a small, tiny blot of ink in existence, so why should she move? Because she had a horrible pain in her head, and an ache deep inside of her. Like something horrible had happened to her, although she couldn't say exactly what.<p>

Feeling too scared to move, she looked around the room with her eyes, looking for that one despicable creature who she knew had done something horrible to her. The source of all her pain. The one who was the reason behind everything.

Her paws twitched as she sat bolt upright as she felt her heart rush and anger pulse through her at just the thought of Munk. She wobbled back and fourth and she covered her face with her paws as the sun hit her eyes, making her blink.

Her face was bruised up, and one of her eyes was half swollen shut. As she rubbed her eye she winced, trying to get balanced as she pulled herself up onto her knees.

"You're awake," said Munk's voice from somewhere, as Angel looked about but couldn't spot him. Given her eyesight was fuzzy due to the blow to the head, but she couldn't seem to spot where his voice had come from. Then she realized he was standing behind her, and she turned and looked to find he was looking down at her from the table where he sat.

"Munk, what happened?" asked Angel, not blinking as she asked, not taking her serious, nervous eyes from her tomfriend. He didn't say a word, and so she tried to stand up, not willing to look weak anymore. Slowly, she forced herself onto her feet, fighting the dizziness that raced through her head as the room went blury from standing up too fast.

The tabby pretended to ignore her, as he so liked to play mental games with his little Angel.

Finally on her feet, Angel looked at Munk once again and asked, "what happened?"

"Nothing," said the tabby, finally acknowledging her. He was going to toy with her, enjoy this new power he held over her. She had always been his little puppet, who he could manipulate and force to dance. Now, she would have to walk barefoot into the fell if he told her to. "Everything is perfect, Angel."

At this Angel narrowed her eyes at the tabby, knowing he was denying her answers. "You did something to me while I was asleep. What did you do?"

Munk laughingly shook his head and smirked, knowing he could keep this going forever if he wanted. "It's not what I did. Oh, and you can't go anywhere without my permissions anymore."

At this Angel cocked her head, not sure what he was getting at. "What?"

"Oh, yeah. While you were out, I made a few decisions. From now on, you can't go out unless I give you permission," said the tabby casually, glancing at his claws and smiling devilishly, as if trying and failing to copy his sauve brother. "And I assure you, Angel, there will be consequences if you disobey me."

Angel felt that chill again all over her body, but was not going to show weakness in front of the tabby. She kept her cool, and walked up to the tabby, and got down to be at eye level with him. She didn't blink, didn't even breathe. She just looked deeply into his eyes to see if he would weaken or she could figure out his game. "You, are going to tell me, what's going on." She barely whispered these words, but they were frightening, as Munk realized his girl meant business.

He he knew to play it cool, be subtle. That was their way, be subtle as they ruined things for themselves and each other, act tantalizingly, as they would. Like vampires dancing in the snow, two different cats playing games with their lives.

"Remember your dad, and how respectable he thought you were?" asked the tabby. He used very little inflection in his voice, he didn't brake their eye contact. You would have thought he was asking her about her day. "Remember how much everyone loved you?"

Angel backed up very slowly, wondering what he was getting at. She stood up and walked to the other side of the room, facing the window. For a moment she let her mind wander to a million years away, before she knew these streets existed, before these roads had actuated themselves into her reality, these walls as real as her bones, this cat in the room with her right now as real and deadly as the fire she always secretly saw within herself. But this moment was just that, a moment. Right now, she was with Munkustrap, and she knew that Munk was about to hurt her. She didn't know what he was going to say, but if she was going to win, she couldn't let him see her face.

"Yes," she said, letting out a breath. "I remember my dad. It's only been a few weeks... So what about him." She looked down at the floor as she asked this, forcing herself to grin derangedly to avoid the sob in her throat from becoming audible.

"You still care about him, and what he thinks of you. You and I both know you're still pathetic that way. So, let me explain things simply. I had Staves come back and take pictures while I felt you over. Let's just say the pictures aren't pretty. If you leave without my permission, I'll have them sent to your father," the tabby said simply, as if he were just commenting on the weather. He wasn't bothered by it, either. Not now, anyway.

Slowly, Angel's eyes opened wide, her insides turning to ice. This was abominable, this creature who she lived with, who supported her addiction and caught her mice. She was living with someone who was literally morally insane, or who at least pretended to be.

She wouldn't look at him, wouldn't give him that satisfaction. Even as she felt filthy inside and out, as if she were dead inside, she couldn't let him know she felt this way. Otherwise he would have fully conquered her, to give him a glance of fear and hatred that he so desired from her. She sank to her knees but didn't look up, knew she should run, should leave, but wouldn't. She was too proud now, and she knew it, because she cared too much about not showing Munk her weak side anymore. Too obsessed with what this monster thought of her to leave when the window was right there, wide open,

"Get out," she growled, covering herself with her arms. She had to be alone, then at least she could be free in her empty little world without Munk.

She didn't look up as Munk walked past her, not letting him see her face and the way she felt. She still had this tiny bit of satisfaction, and that was she could still be her own person. Her mind raced with thoughts and schemes as Munk climbed out the window, proud of herself for not giving him full victory, and knowing what she would do next.

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><p>Munkus climbed through the window of the run down building with stealth, looking around to make sure nobody was watching as he ducked through.<p>

As soon as his feet hit the ground, all eyes were on him; he had surprised a few of the other cats as they weren't expecting someone to jump in at that moment. One even got up, ready to take him on, but then realized it was him and relaxed.

The room was full of fumes from chemicals cooking and bubbling, things burning, and even old garbage rotting. It was cramped and small, the vents just letting it enough fresh air to avoid suffocation. There were three cats in the room, all working busily on their various tasks. They were wearing safety gear that looked like Dr Frankenstein doing the dishes in a rain storm. The floor was old lenoleum that's not even worth describing, but let's just say there weren't holes burnt through it for nothing. There was nearly no furniture, just work stations and what looked like old cooking utensils and alchemy sets being used to brew and produce their product.

It was a sick place, a place that meant sick living. Actually, not even living, because it wasn't earning a living to work here, just working emptily through the days.

"Munk, you're supposed to knock three times," snarled the tom, shaking his head and turning away from the tabby, pretending he hadn't been spooked.

"Sorry, guys. So what's happening today?" he asked, as he noticed one tom putting on some goggles and another coughing because of the fumes in the air. He always felt nervous here, knowing this was a terrible job in an unsecure location with dangerous work. Of course, he wouldn't admit this, but he was terrified every time he stepped into this place.

"Hey, put on a mask, Straps," called a brown tabby with scruffy fur, tossing Munkus a facemask so that he wouldn't breathe in the chemicals brewing into meth and other drugs.

Munk put it on, but pretended to be amused by this. Always smiling to hide his true feelings, and that was terror in this situation. This place was like a land mine, ready to explode any minute. He was grateful for the safety gear, however poor. But he kept up his smile and the lie that it meant, and the cats here just assumed he was insane. "Hey, Lawny, I asked what was up," he said, putting on hte mask, as another cat handed him some gloves and a pair of goggles.

"You don't ask that," was the reply, as the brown and tan tom checked the temperature on a vat of something that was smoking. "We all work on a 'need to know' basis, even me. Just get your ass into the back room and bag up the finished product."

"Okay," shrugged the tabby, acting overly casual as he usually did around these guys. He knew they were totally paranoid and his careless manner frightened the crap out of them. He enjoyed this.

As the tabby made his way into the other room, Tawny leaned over cocked his head slightly. "By the way Munk, you're late. You can't do this to us, be on time, or don't show up."

At this Munk just brushed him off, shaking his head and chuckling at how powerless Tawny really was. After all, he wasn't the boss of him. "Right," he laughed, as he headed into the room.

There on the table was a large container of crystal meth and a role of plastic wrap, some tape, and a razor blade. The air was clearer but still smelled strongly, and the one lamp was so strangely bright that it made Munk blink uncontrollably.

Munk sat down on the chair and put the goggles over his eyes, picking up the razer and cutting a piece of plastic wrap, ripping pieces of tape, measuring, packaging. He worked in silence, trying not to think as he went, trying to stay focused so that everything would be precise. He didn't want to lose this job, so everything had to be perfect. He could make fun of the other pathetic workers, but he couldn't piss off Staves. So he always worked alone, and always in silence. He jad to tune this down to a fine out so as to not make a single mistake.

But still his mind did wander, it wandered to an image. The image of Angel, curled up on the bed, looking out the window, afraid to go out.

His paws worked and he made no mistakes. He was like a robot, could have done this job with his eyes closed. But he kept them open because he saw Angel's face every time he closed them. He had to keep focused, because this was his forte, however horrible, he was going to act disattached from everything and get the job done right.

But his mind was ever churning like the ocean, as he doved through emotions and thoughts, and yet that image of Angel kept coming back to him. No one would have been able to tell he was fighting within himself as he worked, but his machine like precision was a disguise for his inner termoil. He was fighting within himself about what he had done to Angel.

_At that moment, Angel was sitting at the desk, working on something as well.** "Dear dad, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I still need to figure a few things out, but just know you were right. Maybe someday I'll come home, once I understand why I chose this. Angel."** The ink flowed with her emotions, into confusion, coming across in ambiguity. Not exact, not understanding the future or the present. She would talk to who she wanted, not let Munk own every piece of her. She looked out the window, not afraid to go out. She went and found a mailbox, and new her dad would recieve it. Got back in decent time, knew Munkus wouldn't be back for a while. Her life here was that of a confusing dance of pride and vanity and fear. To prideful to leave, to vain to let anyone see her the way she was now, and to afraid of living without Munk. He had become her new religion, her want, her vice and everything and nothing. If asked how she felt about him, she would say nothing. _

_But still, too afraid to live without him._

Munk continued to robotically work, beginning to feel swimmingly nauseous as he couldn't figure out how he felt about what he had done to Angel. He wanted to feel proud about it, to justify it. He wanted to understand why he would do such a thing. He wasn't his brother, or was he? Was he turning into an exact copy of his brother? He was already a manipulater, someone who could lie and use people and throw them away. But he wasn't power hungry...No, he knew that wasn't true, since he wanted complete control of his queenfriend, that's still being desperate for power in a way.

Either way, he would never know what Angel had been up to that day. He thought he had all the power, but he had nothing. He just stupidly sat there and assumed Angel had spent the entire day inside, afraid. He kept working at a steady pace, but his mind worked faster than his paws. He needed to figure this out, because there was only one thing he knew, although he wouldn't say it.

He couldn't say it, his pride wouldn't allow him to.

Soon, he was done with his work. It was dark outside, the smell of smog that usually settled in around dusk seeming thicker than normal. He said goodbye to his 'co workers,' and was handed a couple of bills.

It was all a daze of twilight and darkness, he was still trying to figure this out, this strange mysterious problem that was plaguing him. Creeping up on him like a sick, freaky thought that needed to be banished, because he couldn't handle it. As he slowly padded home, it haunted him, although he wouldn't admit it to himself or anyone.

He hated himself for abusing Angel.

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><p><strong>Hope yall like it. Please review!<strong>


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